"just stop trying and you'll get pregnant"

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

LOL! 

In the non-literal sense, they probably just mean that stress might be negatively affecting you, and relaxing (and continuing baby making) will lead to a better result. 

Post # 3
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I don’t think they mean “stop trying” as in “stop having sex,” because obviously, that won’t work!  LOL!  I think the logic behind it is that if you stop focusing on it so much, you’ll relax and not be as stressed, (stress doesn’t make conceiving any easier).  

Post # 4
Member
1959 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

MrsMcQN:  I have no idea if there’s any proof that this works, but either way I’d like to punch the next person that says it to me right in the mouth. 

Post # 5
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I know loads of people IRL who didn’t get pregnant until they stopped charting, threw away their OPKs, and just started enjoying life more (which in turn led to lots of sex).

Post # 6
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I absolutely hate that “advice” – focusing on getting pregnant does not prevent you from getting pregnant.  Normal levels of stress do not prevent pregnancy.  There are lots of anecdotes of “once we stopped doing X, Y, or Z, it just happened!”  But you know what, that doesn’t happen for everyone.  It would be much more helpful if, when people found out you were frustrated because it was taking awhile, they just said something like “I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time.  Is there anything I can do for you?”

Post # 7
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is one of those things that has got to be so frustrating to hear, and yet there are so many real life examples of it working out. Even my own parents — they reached a point where they figured they were infertile and started the process of trying to adopt, only to become pregnant with my older sister almost immediately. Of course, you can’t TELL someone to stop trying, because that’s ridiculous and impossible. Like telling someone to stop caring about something important to them — you can’t just stop caring at a moment’s notice. First you’d need enough time to pass to allow you to emotionally reach a point where that’s even possible.

So it’s stupid advice, even though it has worked a billion times. Sigh.

Post # 8
Member
6270 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

we are on our 12th cycle of trying.  i was on vacation for 3 of my FW’s and i was relaxed as can be and it still didn’t happen for us.

 

Post # 9
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee

What they mean is – stop stressing.  My husband and I were not trying but not actively preventing and we got pregnant within two weeks.  Why?  Because there wasn’t this stress and urgency to get pregnant.  We enjoyed the time we had together and it wasn’t like “okay, I’m ovulating now!  We have to have sex tomorrow at 9am.”  If the mood struck us, we did it, sometimes multiple times a day, sometimes just once, but the point was, it wasn’t some “thing” to try to get pregnant.  We were just having fun and it led to us getting pregnant.

Post # 10
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

mrs.joiner:  Congratulations, but I do have to say – your lack of stress or focus on getting pregnant did not *cause* you to get pregnant quickly.  Extraordinary luck did.  I charted, took supplements, and timed sex, and I also got pregnant quickly – the “stress” of actively trying didn’t do anything bad.  But I know that my husband and I are beyond lucky that it happened so quickly for us.  It is not helpful to tell women who desperately want to get pregnant that they just need to calm down or stop worrying about it (that’s basically impossible).

Post # 11
Member
6502 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Baby boy 12/2015

MrsMcQN:  I think it’s a bit rude to tell someone else what to do. Everyone TTC experience is different; therefore, it’s no one business to give advice of such kind. Why not instead ask the person, how are you feeling? Have you perhaps tried such as such thing?

Post # 13
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My guess is that this is an “illusory correlation”– we hear anecdotes of it happening, so we assume it’s the case, but I doubt it would hold up if it were really researched. Lots of research *does* show that “normal” levels of stress (e.g., most stress other than living in poverty, dealing with the death of a close loved one, etc.) does *not* prevent you from getting pregnant. Of course, if you and your partner are feeling stressed and that’s preventing you from being able to have sex, I guess that’s a different story.

For what it’s worth, here’s my anecdote– DH and I started trying in January–first 2 cycles, we didn’t chart. In the 3rd cycle (March), I did chart/we timed BD right, and got pregnant. Unfortunately, that ended in an MC. We waited one cycle (where I continued to chart) and then got pregnant again our first cycle trying/timing BD. So “trying” has worked for us 2/2 times. 🙂 That’s not the norm either…but like PPs have said, there’s probably more anecdotal examples of being proactive working out.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Magpie86.
Post # 14
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

 

MrsMcQN:  My Aunt and uncle tried for 10 years. Invitro, every fertility treatment under the sun. Stopped trying, started adoption processes and BAM! Baby boy. After fat and happy baby #1 BAM! another boy. I think there is something to it but most likely on a stress level

That being said, a lot of people don’t fall into that category.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  bassbee.
Post # 15
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s just one of those dumb sayings. I laughed when I read this … not because I’m one of those that say or think that but because it did happen to me and my DH. The one cycle out of the 6 that I wasn’t tracking O or taking opk’s and randomnly BDing here and there I got a BFP.  Like SadieBee said it’s really all luck … you could be doing everything at the right times and even then it doesn’t guarantee anything. TTC isn’t easy for everyone, some people don’t get it and can say hurtful things without meaning to be.

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