Post # 1
My fiancé and I have been engaged for a little over a month. We are both low key people who don’t like a lot of stress and hoopla. In a perfect world, we would both like a wedding with family and a few close friends. Not a problem for him. For me, a bit of an issue for a couple of reasons – 1) Not everyone in my family is thrilled with the idea of us getting married 2) I have a million friends and acquaintances who all feel they should be invited to the wedding (and in an ideal world they all – well a lot of them – would be). The bigger problem is really the first of the two. I can’t really see myself having a wedding with family in attendance where they do not approve. I want to look around and see happy, smiling faces and know that they are sincere. Not all (or even most) of my family disapproves. Unfortunately the only ones in close proximity are those who do. I feel like I can’t not invite them to the wedding (that doesn’t exactly pave the way for reconciliation down the road). I could, however, have a destination wedding and invite them, knowing they would not attend (sneaky, but it would work).
I wouldn’t mind eloping, I think. I think if I did that I would REALLY want it to be just the two of us (a traditional elopement vs. us and a few friends). That would save me a lot of headache, but I wonder if I’ll regret that no-one else was there. Same for if we do the JOP at the courthouse. I am not sure on this.
We have also discussed the option of having a wedding with maybe 50 guests (or fewer). He is essentially open to whatever I want to do. I think he believes eloping would be best, but he will not say that explicitly because he wants me to be sure I know what I want and that I won’t regret it.
If we did elope or do the JOP or the small wedding, we could throw a party afterwards for everyone who couldn’t attend.
What do you bees think you might do in a situation like this and why? I am very indecisive at times, and this is one time where I could use some outside opinions.
Post # 3
Do you mind if I ask you why some members of your family do not approve?
Post # 4
Your family are going to have to come to terms with the fact that your FH is going to be integrated into their family now – although it doesn’t have to be much, depending on how things go – and I think that you really want them to be there, or that’s what I gather from your post.
Post # 5
I also was wondering if you would elaborate on why your family doesn’t approve and how you know they don’t approve. I understand if you don’t feel comfortable sharing but based on what the answers are it may be completely appropriate for you to not invite those members.
Post # 6
We’re 100% eloping – just the two of us. I am a person who fully believes that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It’s your marriage, your decision. Good luck!
Post # 7
Thanks to everyone who replied so far. Family is concerned because he is younger than I am and has different educational background. They are also concerned because I would be the primary wage earner at the outset. He is gainfully employed and works hard. He also has a business he is building. If the business takes off in the way he is working towards, my income could easily become inconsequential. That aside, I have no issue with the income disparity (even if things stay the way they are forever). The age was of concern for me initially, but once I got to know him it became irrelevant. As for the educational background, he made the decision to pursue certifications relevant to his career choice rather than pursue a college degree. I may not 100% agree with that choice, but I fully understand and support it. It has no impact on what type of person he is or how well he treats me and how we interact, so I have decided it is not an issue in our relationship.
I know that certain members of the family disapprove because they have explicitly said so. There have been multiple conversations around this issue. Some are concerned but accepting and heartily supporting us (I have no issue with that). Some disapprove but are accepting and respective that it is my life (again, I cannot ask everyone to be happy for me; I am just glad they are respecting the choice and making the effort despite their misgivings). One disapproves and hasn’t so much as mentioned his name to me since we got engaged.
I never thought I’d meet with this kind of reaction from my family. It puts a bit of a damper on my wedding planning and makes me more indecisive than usual. I know that the most important thing is that we get married and he is standing there beside me. I am just wondering if there’s some sort of compromise I can achieve that won’t leave me with mixed emotions on what should be the happiest day of my life.
Post # 8
I think either a traditional elopement or a small destination wedding would suit your needs best. Really, the deciding factor for me would be the amount of planning you’d like to do – the latter being a bit more involved than the former.
Post # 9
OK given what you’ve stated about the history I voted go to the JOP and have a party afterward. At your actual marriage ceremony with the JOP it can be just the two of you, or a few VERY select family members so that when you are actually joining in marriage all you feel is love. Have a party afterwards where everyone can come celebrate with you. That way, you get your special moment, but no one’s feelings are hurt.
Post # 10
My FI and I are eloping :). It is just easier this way, because we are not fans of being the centre of attention, and we love the intimacy of it as well. Whatever you two decide, I wish you the best of luck :).