- 4 years ago
So this will be very long just let you all know.My fiance and I will be together a year in two days.I am excitied for that but also worryung.I have been having a lot of issues lately to where im in a way depressed.I am crying all the time,sad,and dont wantto do anything.I am jobless right now and have been for a year.i have been job huntign and getting interveiws.Even two places last month told me i had the job and said i needed to just do a few more thigns and never got back to be even when i called and emailed them.Right now i am livign with my dad and my fiance is living with his parents.He works for his fathers company so im my opition hes under paided a lot and if he has to do dump the trucks or fix them or anything else that includes the job while hes not atthe job site he doesnt get paid for.He does tree service work so he doesnt make a lot o nthe fall and nothing in the winter at all really.So we cant get our own place until i get a job due to he bearly makes 1k a month if hes lucky its mostly been 500-800 a month or less.hes tryign to pay for my schooling and phone and everything for me.my bills are around 250 a month.hes also paying for my sons stuff which is just diapers it isnt that much.Myfather just told me a few days ago he was tried of paying for me.Well that upset me a lot due to im gone to my fiances parents house when my sons at his fathers 2 weeks in may,june,july,and august for the summer.so he doesnt have to pay for food and stuff while im there and im not using stuff up.mind you i am 19 and my fiance is 27.i have tried to talk my fiance into getting our own place because i feel like im losing my mind over all of this.I keep having break down and anxiety attacks all the time now.my dad just told me today hes tkaing me off his car insurance because he doesnt wantto pay the 30 dollars and its goign to go up due to i just got my license so my fiance iwll have to pay for that as well.I have been job hunting like crazy and nothing i feel like its never going to do anywhere.my fiance told me just wait and it will work out but i feel like it wont at all.i have tried to talk my fiance into find a good paying job or at least a second job that he can do and he doesnt want to.he said hes happy with that he does and he doesnt want to leave his family like that.i understand that but i feel like we need to help us.
my parents are also trying to tell me how to raise my child.i just had to get him tested for some thigns and he has language disorder.he also has speech sound disorder. Then he also has unspecified disruptive,implies control ,and conduct disorder. They said 3-6 months of schooling they will reconsider a diagnosis for adhd .thy dont liek that im meeting his son’s fathers mother for them to pick him uo when its time for them to get him.when they are suppose to come al lthe way to my house.i jsut feel like i should meet them when im already going up that way a little bit to my fiances.if they come all the way down its almost a 5 hr drive. where i go to sta ywith my fiance its saves them a 2 hr trip almost together fro mgoing there and back.Then they dont likea lot of things i do.and i feel like if i speak my midn my parents might kick me out or something.
also another thing is with the anxiety attacks and break downs a lot of them is fro mwhen he trys to play aroudn and grabs me or something a way.my sons father use to beat on me and control me and more.so i get flash backs of him hunting me when my fiance trys t touch me and it just scares me a lot.i feel like im going crazy and my fiance tells me im not and hes not going to leave me while im going through all of this stuff.
also sorry for this being upp scrabbled and mixed up and spellings bad im tried but awake.I cant sleep becuase all of this is going in my head again and i have to get up in 1 hr and half to drive 2 hrs to meet my sons other grandma for her to pick him up for his father.