Weddingbee boards

I am just in shock right now, probably because the anger & disappointment & sheer disbelief of it all has worn off.

I found out tonight that my dad may not be coming to the wedding, because he may have a 'good job'. Now none of you know me or my dad, so I guess now is the time to explain--my dad works when he wants. He contracts out his own labor and brings in between 2.5-4k a *week* and he only works for 6 months or so out of the year becauase he doesn't need to work the entire year to have a comfortable living. (My mom has a full time job as a business administrator too.) He takes jobs when he wants and doesn't when he wants. About 2 weeks ago my mom said if dad doesn't work now he'll have to when my wedding is here...and I laughed, naturally thinking she is ribbing me...apparently NOT. However, he's still starting work next week and they've known for a year that the date is June 2, 2012. We got engaged Dec 2010...it was planned almost instantly--this isn't 'new' news.

I'm so honestly shocked and disappointed because my parents didn't raise me this way--to be so callous and unthoughtful of others' feelings, especially my own family. And that's how they're treating me. I gave up all Christmas presents for me and my fiancee so we could go down there for Thanksgiving--instead asking for money to fund the trip so we could SEE them because that is what was important for us (we also have a 3 year old son, only his second time to go down there). I talk to my mom every day since moving away 3 years ago and I send my parents and grandparents pictures, texts, presents, cards, call them & keep up with what is going on with them and my grandparents are amazing people (mom's parents) and never have anything but time for us.

I can't believe this on another level because this is another chance my parents would have to see Seth, my son, and they're just throwing it away. But we're harrassed about why we don't come to see them more often. I'm just at my wit's end. I've about decided to ask my brother to walk me down the aisle, because I don't think I can depend on my dad and I don't want to be stuck without. This is not ok for them to treat me so cavalierly and with such lack of respect. I could understand if I had just gotten engaged and said the wedding was in a couple months. But it's not that way at all.

Oh Bees I'm so upset :(

Well does hanging up on him count? Lol, a terrible joke I know but if I don't laugh at this point I will start crying all over again. I was just in shock, literally trembling, when my mom keeps saying this to me (we're arguing about it) and I said this isn't right, I'm calling dad...So I did, and he confirmed it then had the gall to tell me this isn't the 'time' to discuss it. What?! When IS the time? I just said "I can't believe either of you" and I hung up. Probably not my most mature moment, but anything further would have been a mistake.

I told my mom that if it wasn't important to them neither of them had to come. I do want them both there, but I do mean it. If it's not important to them they do not have to be there. I would never force anyone to be in my life, I never have and never will. I very much believe in free will and decisions. I want the people involved in my life to WANT to be in it, not to be forced into it.

It's like I don't even know who they are anymore.

Thank you ladies, I appreciate you listening and emapthizing with me. I needed the well wishes and understanding, and I will definitely keep you updated with how it goes. Tonight, I'm so exhausted (I have a demanding job and 3 year old haha) and I just feel like it will still be a sleepless night.

I can't figure out why he thinks it's ok either, and why my mom does? That baffles me, my dad doesn't have a close family but they maintain contact like normal people...but my mom's family is ridiculously close. Every member of her immediate family lives within 20 minutes of her (not including me, I mean her parents, and both her brothers and their family...plus my brother & his family live with her part time when he is not off on a job). So for him, he's unthoughtful of people and careless with feelings...but mom isn't. She should have checked him on this. Unfortuantely, she's also a bit greedy, and she wants any money she can get. For as much as she is a 'Southern Christian woman', she isn't thinking of family and humility and selflessness here.

Ok I'm done ranting I swear, haha.

Thank you all :)

I came to the same conclusion--it isn't my fault that he is missing out on this (if he does indeed decide to work instead), and I don't want someone here who I have to force to come. If he wants to come I definitely want him here, but I don't want it to be a fight just for him to come.

I did call my grandparents (mom's parents) and let them know what was going on, just in case all this goes down I don't want them to be angry later, too. I'd rather everyone know the situation up front and that way it just is what it is. The unfortunate thing is that my grandparents have never really warmed to my dad. They all get along well enough and there's never any blatant anger or words between them, it's just the same as me I guess: we've always known he's 'different' and as my fiance said---he has to have the attention, and since no one is begging him to come he's pulling stupid stuff to make the focus on him. But I'm an adult now, and I'm not playing those games any longer. After the entire conversation with my grandparents last night my papa said, 'well I'm sorry babe, I don't have the answers for you'. No one does, except my dad, and I'll never get them out of him.

I think in my mind, the biggest betrayal is my mom acting like I'm a loon because I expect him to come rather than take a job for a couple weeks. (Dad's jobs rarely last longer than a month, 2 at the most. Just the nature of his work.) I think all in all, I would have expected more from her than him no matter what.

As my FMIL said, if Matt's stepdad would have said that she would have told him to pack his shit and get out of her house--if he can't come to the wedding he isn't really a father. (Matt was raised by his mom and grandma, but his parents--mom & her bf--have been together for 17 or so years now, and as far as Matt is concerned that's his dad.)

I haven't talked to any of them since this happened.

@mtnhoney, WTF is wrong with your maid?! Good gravy, I read the most horrific stories on BEE about maids--it's like something crawls up them and bites. I am so sorry she is pulling out on you, that puts a wrench in the plans but I hope you are still happy and content with everything. It sounds like she was a pain to begin with, there is *nothing* wrong with traditional weddings and all my girls are wearing the exact same thing. It is a matter of honoring the bride's wishes and being there for HER. I was in a wedding and I thought the dresses were horrendous, plus I was pregnant, but I wore it with no complaints whatsoever because it was HER day. Be with those that let you be, and enjoy it.