So does anyone else feel like they just waited to long to get married. I guess that's not exactly what I mean. I'm older, 32, but not that old, but all my friends and a lot of my family and FI's family are having or have kids. We want a nice wedding, have planned a wonderful weekend, are providing babysitting, but it just feels like I'm battling a surging tide.
Today one friend with a son said she doesn't have time to practice to sing in my wedding anymore, a bridesmaid says that all of a sudden she's worried about traveling with her new baby and may not come, my SIL is due within weeks of my wedding, and another bridesmaid says she would probably prefer to skip our rehearsal dinner in favor of the more family friendly BBQ we're throwing at the same time.
I love kids, I love my friends, and I've tried so hard to make sure everyone's happy but no one is, especially not me. I feel like a big wimp or ungrateful or something but I'm just sad. Sad that this just isn't working out even after giving people a years worth of notice to work things out.
I don't know, I'm just really bummed out and I'm wondering why I'm planning and paying all this money when it's just an inconvenince even to my best friends.
Does anyone else feel they missed the boat? I didn't really have a choice since this was just whats right for us, but now it feels too late. The kids have arrived and we are totally not with the times. :(
We were the last as well. It totally sucks, to be honest. I felt like no one cared at all about our wedding. Especially when 3 babies were born in our immediate family less than a year before our wedding. Honeslty though, these people should not have agreed to be part of your day if they feel like they can no longer committ. They don't sound like great friends to be honest. Obviously its hard raising kids, but they certainly shouldn't take over your life! But the bridesmaid who doesn't want to go to the rehearsal dinner sounds the worst! Thats part of her "job"....so too bad! I have always put forth all my effort for other people's "moments", no matter what is going on in my life, so I was a little upset that the same was not done for me. But they definitely did the things they had to do, like show up!
I'll be 30 when I get married and our friends are in two age groups: early 30s (my friends) and mid-late 30s (his friends). And yes, all these friends got married younger, bought houses, and now have kids, most of them under 3yrs old.
I don't really know what to say about it. It makes me angry that while we barely had enough salary to pay our rent we still went to all of their weddings, dished out $$ for travel, hotels, showers, bachelorettes, etc. Like you we are also offering babysitting at our wedding (which we are paying for ourselves by the way, unlike all of our friends) so hopefully they will take advantage of this opportunity.
I understand and agree that children should be a parents first priority--but that doesn't mean they can ignore or cast aside their friendships. Rather, I really think when you have kids is when you also have to make an extra effort to maintain your friendships. I guess there is nothing to do but just give a gentle reminder every now and then that you really would like to spend some quality time, without the kids. Hopefully they get the hint.
you are with times girl, it's just a different time than your friends. not better, not worse, your just different. embrace it, this is where you are.
Im 32 too, and let me tell ya something, I am soo glad I waited as long as I did. I actually know who I am and who I'm marrying, unlike my girlfriends who married in their early 20's and are in exhausted relationships on the brink of misery because they didn't get to experience life on their own.
It's a bummer to hear that your friends find such an exciting event in YOUR LIFE as more of a chore than a time to celebrate YOU. My ladies of honor have kids, as do most of my guests and at first I was trying to work out how to have all the kids there, only to find out that most my guests are really looking forward to coming to the wedding WITHOUT THE CHILDREN because it's the first time they can have a grownup/romance experience without diapers and sippee cups.
Don't let your friends lameness dampen this wonderful day for you. I really think you need to talk to your close girlfriends one on one as it sounds like you are not getting the support that one should. Tell them how it makes you feel when they tell you that your wedding is not something they'll have time for. We all have life stuff, wether it's kids, running a business, whatever, but friends need to be there to support each other during big milestones in their lives, and that is exactly what the ritual of marriage is.
Well I am younger than you but my husband is your age and most of our friends are closer to him in age. Two friends have their due dates right around our wedding and some will have small children/todler to bring.
I don'tthink you missed the boat, it's just that some people choose to take it earlier.
I think you should be straigh forward with your friends, especially those who have a secial role in your ceremony. Remind them that sure you didn't have kids when they got married; but you were there and you are doing your best for the kids to be there. Try to listen to their concern but also to discuss options and solutions that could work out for them.
In any case good luck. And it's best to wait for the boat and to take the right one.
I would focus on the fact that you found the love of your life, regardless of your age. I really feel that weddings really bring out the best AND worst of everyone else (family, friends, guests). You should let go of the fact that your friends are in different stages and hopefully they will come around for you. Unfortunately, you just can't expect to know what they'll do. Lots of luck but please remember it's your day too and you should be surrounded by people who WANT to focus on you and share in your happiness! :)
We're in somewhat the same boat (I'm 33 and fiance is 37) and we're just making sure that everything is family friendly. We're having family friendly activities for the rehearsal dinner, a kids room during the reception, and having the wedding and ceremony at a ranch where everyone will be staying (no driving). We're also losing a lot of friends due to projected delivery dates/new babies, etc., but I think that's just par for the course when you have friends of child-bearing age.
I think when we're in our 20s we all see weddings as huge gigantic deals and so people go out of their way to help and participate and get excited. As we get older, people are still excited, but realize that it's more about the marriage than the wedding itself. I know that all my friends (and myself) are a lot less excited about flower colors, paper styles, etc. than we would have been 10 years ago. And that's totally cool, because at this stage in my life I find it a bit superficial. I think that general sentiment (maybe not shared by everyone), coupled with their own family concerns, probably makes people just not be as excited as you are or as excited as you'd wish they would be. I'm sure they are thrilled that you are getting married, but may just not feel that it's as important/necessary for them to participate in it to the extent you want.
Your BM should definitely suck it up and go to the rehearsal dinner though, unless she has a really good excuse. That just doesn't seem to make sense.
I'm in a different situation, I feel maybe I'm too young (almost 24, fiance is 28).
I don't think there is ever a right time to get married... and no, you did not miss the boat. You enjoyed life as an unmarried couple or as a single person. You know who you are, and the things you want. I envy you slightly (I wish I would have met my fiance a little later in life, I know he's the one though).
I think every bride encounters these problems. My sister is my MOH and 21... she has her own issues to deal with. My cousin's all have young children (adult only wedding)- so we are encountering problems with that.
Take it all in and enjoy your time, you are not too old... You waited until you knew it was right (I'm sure you could have married prior.. but you didn't settle. You should be proud of that)
I'm in the same boat that the friends don't sound like great friends. It's all great and fine and wonderful their life is changing and family is growing but they made a commitment to be in your wedding, and that is something that should be taken into consideration byt them and honored..
I would think that a mass email possibly (or several individual ones depending on the crowd), explaining how you feel "last in line" is in order. Explain sweetly that while they all had their days and were no doubt supported whole heartedly by those around them and now this is your day. You're only expecting of them what they expected of the people participating in their day. It's unfair to make you feel unimportant, even unintentionally and maybe they don't realize....
You sound like you have been overly accomodating and gracious to them and I think it's time you laid it out there hunny. You're day shouldn't be less of anything just because of your age (which isn't old!) and because you may be the last of your friends to get married. You don't have to me mean or rude, but I think you really should talk to them. The issue isn't when you chose to got married, it's how those around you are choosing to treat it - which is poorly.
I'm 36 and I wouldn't trade my experiences for the world. Best of all, I held out for everything that I knew to be right in a man and I found it!
Yeah, both of my sisters have kids, but that gives me flower girls, ring bearers etc.
We're having the wedding on 160 acres in the forest with camping and lodging right there... so no need for travel, and can put the kids to bed while we still celebrate.
The thing is, life is what it is... We all made choices that make us unique. I broke the bank buying tons of wedding presents in my 20's. We didn't have any money in those days. Now everyone is more established and we can all celebrate in style.
My kids will have great older cousins.
I'm just happy to have had such a great guy come into my life. There is no *right* time to do anything! I hope things go better for you!
I can relate, even though I'm 28, but a lot of my friends married young. I wouldn't send an email, but maybe you can somehow reminisce about their weddings, highlighting your involvement.
It is frustrating when you are the single gal, and your friends think they get the attn for getting married. Then, when it is your turn, they think they deserve the attn for being new mommies. Honestly, I think some of that is natural. When I see this, I just take mental note. I can't control anyone else, so I just remember for myself to not turn into 'that bride' or 'that mom', etc. when I get there. (For me, this started back when my friends dated before me (I was 5'10" in 9th grade, LOL, no boys asked me out), and they quickly ditched their girl friends. I vowed never to do that, but it's been a struggle as friends keep fading away with their other rel'nships.)
Hopefully you can find a happy middle ground. Good luck!
Hi, I'm 28, my fiance is 37, and I know how you feel. Very few of our friends are making the trip (It's expensive to travel and stay in my hometown where we're having the wedding). However, we're treating the wedding as more of a celebration of our relationship than this huge change in our lives. I think people appreciate a more mature view of life, a more realistic approach, when you're older. We understand that not everyone who is important to us is able to attend, and although they will be missed, we're not 21 anymore, this is the most important day of our lives, and we're just thankful for those people who will be able to share it with us.
Thanks everyone for the thoughts and advice. It's really great to know I'm not alone, and it can happen at any age. I guess this was extra hard becausemuch of it happened on the same day. I just have to keep doing what I think is right and you definitely learn things about people during these situations. I just need to focus on the good, which can be hard but I'll do it.
I am so glad you posted this, mbm4. I am getting married for the first time at the ripe old age of 40 (!) and while I wouldn't change a thing about my life leading up to this point, I do feel somewhat slighted. To my bridesmaids, this is old hat and they have busy lives with children, law school and what have you. My MOH has yet to ask what she can do to help and certainly hasn't jumped on any plans for a bachelorette party. My FI parents will probably not be able to come to the wedding because they are older, not in the best health and don't fly. That's hard for me to digest, honestly, and I hate it for my FI. I agree with Betty, I have an appreciation for marriage and our weddding that I wouldn't have had at a much younger age and I'm happy for that. On one hand, I feel silly doing some things like registering for china and silver when I long ago established a household, but on the other, I want to have the dream wedding with all that stuff. I don't know, I find it hard yet fun and challenging trying to strike a balance between the two. I am so excited for our wedding but more than it being "our day" I am excited to see friends and family that are coming from all over the country.
I feel like I'm in the same boat too. I'm 31 and not even dating! MOst of my friends are married and now thinking about children and my best friend, the last of which is getting married in August.
As others have said, I suppose that marrying later, you already know yourself and more importantly you know what you want...you've "lived" life. (that's not to mean that women who married younger haven't either)
I have to admit, I do feel jealous about it sometimes. I wish I could be planning my wedding. Ironically WB is one of my favorite websites! Hey at least, I'm gathering good ideas for when it is FINALLY my turn!
not by yourself hun. despite the fact that only one of my bms is married with children, I get the distinct feeling that my wedding is not priority of any of my friends.
i've been battling sadness about this thruout my planning process....its a mix match of expectations and reality. you see on tv and online the giggling gaggle of girlfriends who are sooo excited that their friend is getting married.
not the case for me......and i would consider myself a young bride (26).
i dont think you've waited too long either. i think for some of us, our friends and families just have other top concerns.
There never is a "right" time - those who go early end up with potentially unprepared wedding parties or guests who may not know the ropes. Those that wait have the benefit of experience, but may have social circles who are a little further along. It is all part of the joy and frustration of life.
For you, there's a bunch you can't control, but you can sit down individually with members of your wedding party who haven't stepped up or who are bowing out and let them know how you feel - as non-guilt-trippy and non-emotionally as you can. They may not realize how their actions impact you or, in the excitement/exhaustion of new motherhood, have forgotten what it feels like to be a bride.
It sounds as if you have gone out of your way to make things work and to be accmmodating - after having a talk with your peeps, try your best to let it go and focus on those that are there for you.
Okay, I'm 43 and FI is 50. Most of his friends have teen-aged kids, and are busy this summer getting them ready to go off to college. A lot of my friends have younger kids (some very young - several 3 and 4 year olds) and my sister's baby will be one year old on our wedding day. I know that most of our friends have kid concerns, and money concerns - try getting ready to pay college tuition, as compared to the expense of just getting a babysitter for the weekend. But most of our friends are really excited for us, and very few (two, to be exact) have begged off the wedding altogether for child related issues. Both of them have four under the age of 10, and would have to travel for the wedding, so I totally understand. Everybody else is bringing the kids, or leaving them with the grandparents, or whatever - but nobody has implied that they aren't super excited for us, even with all the other things going on in their lives.
I'm sorry that your friends aren't as supportive - frankly it sounds to me as if they are more than a little self-centered. However, getting married late is in no way "missing the boat". For me, it means that I have done things and travelled places that most of my girlfriends only dreamed of, and I have a great career and make more money than a lot of my girlfriends' husbands. And not only do I have some really great friends, I have a wonderful FI, and am looking forward to a lot of fantastic years with him. I don't think that I missed out on anything. And I'm sure that you didn't either - it just seems that way at the moment because your friends are a bit too preoccupied with other things.
it's not easy on the other end either - we got married six weeks ago and are both 21. while our friends/family were thrilled for us, we are the first wedding of our group/family, so there was a lot of "um... what do we do at/with/for a wedding?!?" not to mention we got married a week after finals ended at our university - everyone was stressed out! i ended up taking on a lot of the planning myself, simply because no one else really knew what to do. can't blame them - how would they know?
would we rather have waited until everyone else was getting married, three or four years from now? nope. while getting married at a younger or older age than normal has its challenges, i wouldn't trade being married with the guy i love for the right time. and i'm willing to bet you wouldn't trade marrying the perfect guy now for a less perfect guy five years ago. :) hang in there!
So does anyone else feel like they just waited to long to get married. I guess that's not exactly what I mean. I'm older, 32, but not that old, but all my friends and a lot of my family and FI's family are having or have kids. We want a nice wedding, have planned a wonderful weekend, are providing babysitting, but it just feels like I'm battling a surging tide.
Today one friend with a son said she doesn't have time to practice to sing in my wedding anymore, a bridesmaid says that all of a sudden she's worried about traveling with her new baby and may not come, my SIL is due within weeks of my wedding, and another bridesmaid says she would probably prefer to skip our rehearsal dinner in favor of the more family friendly BBQ we're throwing at the same time.
I love kids, I love my friends, and I've tried so hard to make sure everyone's happy but no one is, especially not me. I feel like a big wimp or ungrateful or something but I'm just sad. Sad that this just isn't working out even after giving people a years worth of notice to work things out.
I don't know, I'm just really bummed out and I'm wondering why I'm planning and paying all this money when it's just an inconvenince even to my best friends.
Does anyone else feel they missed the boat? I didn't really have a choice since this was just whats right for us, but now it feels too late. The kids have arrived and we are totally not with the times. :(
posted by mbm4 19 posts 5 months agoP.S. My wedding is exactly a month from today.
posted by mbm4 19 posts 5 months agoWe were the last as well. It totally sucks, to be honest. I felt like no one cared at all about our wedding. Especially when 3 babies were born in our immediate family less than a year before our wedding. Honeslty though, these people should not have agreed to be part of your day if they feel like they can no longer committ. They don't sound like great friends to be honest. Obviously its hard raising kids, but they certainly shouldn't take over your life! But the bridesmaid who doesn't want to go to the rehearsal dinner sounds the worst! Thats part of her "job"....so too bad! I have always put forth all my effort for other people's "moments", no matter what is going on in my life, so I was a little upset that the same was not done for me. But they definitely did the things they had to do, like show up!
posted by dreambml 429 posts 5 months agoI'll be 30 when I get married and our friends are in two age groups: early 30s (my friends) and mid-late 30s (his friends). And yes, all these friends got married younger, bought houses, and now have kids, most of them under 3yrs old.
I don't really know what to say about it. It makes me angry that while we barely had enough salary to pay our rent we still went to all of their weddings, dished out $$ for travel, hotels, showers, bachelorettes, etc. Like you we are also offering babysitting at our wedding (which we are paying for ourselves by the way, unlike all of our friends) so hopefully they will take advantage of this opportunity.
I understand and agree that children should be a parents first priority--but that doesn't mean they can ignore or cast aside their friendships. Rather, I really think when you have kids is when you also have to make an extra effort to maintain your friendships. I guess there is nothing to do but just give a gentle reminder every now and then that you really would like to spend some quality time, without the kids. Hopefully they get the hint.
posted by misschickie 58 posts 5 months agoyou are with times girl, it's just a different time than your friends. not better, not worse, your just different. embrace it, this is where you are.
Im 32 too, and let me tell ya something, I am soo glad I waited as long as I did. I actually know who I am and who I'm marrying, unlike my girlfriends who married in their early 20's and are in exhausted relationships on the brink of misery because they didn't get to experience life on their own.
It's a bummer to hear that your friends find such an exciting event in YOUR LIFE as more of a chore than a time to celebrate YOU. My ladies of honor have kids, as do most of my guests and at first I was trying to work out how to have all the kids there, only to find out that most my guests are really looking forward to coming to the wedding WITHOUT THE CHILDREN because it's the first time they can have a grownup/romance experience without diapers and sippee cups.
Don't let your friends lameness dampen this wonderful day for you. I really think you need to talk to your close girlfriends one on one as it sounds like you are not getting the support that one should. Tell them how it makes you feel when they tell you that your wedding is not something they'll have time for. We all have life stuff, wether it's kids, running a business, whatever, but friends need to be there to support each other during big milestones in their lives, and that is exactly what the ritual of marriage is.
posted by glittergrl 322 posts 5 months agoWell I am younger than you but my husband is your age and most of our friends are closer to him in age. Two friends have their due dates right around our wedding and some will have small children/todler to bring.
I don'tthink you missed the boat, it's just that some people choose to take it earlier.
I think you should be straigh forward with your friends, especially those who have a secial role in your ceremony. Remind them that sure you didn't have kids when they got married; but you were there and you are doing your best for the kids to be there. Try to listen to their concern but also to discuss options and solutions that could work out for them.
In any case good luck. And it's best to wait for the boat and to take the right one.
posted by MrsFroggy 80 posts 5 months agoI would focus on the fact that you found the love of your life, regardless of your age. I really feel that weddings really bring out the best AND worst of everyone else (family, friends, guests). You should let go of the fact that your friends are in different stages and hopefully they will come around for you. Unfortunately, you just can't expect to know what they'll do. Lots of luck but please remember it's your day too and you should be surrounded by people who WANT to focus on you and share in your happiness! :)
posted by jules 60 posts 5 months agoWe're in somewhat the same boat (I'm 33 and fiance is 37) and we're just making sure that everything is family friendly. We're having family friendly activities for the rehearsal dinner, a kids room during the reception, and having the wedding and ceremony at a ranch where everyone will be staying (no driving). We're also losing a lot of friends due to projected delivery dates/new babies, etc., but I think that's just par for the course when you have friends of child-bearing age.
I think when we're in our 20s we all see weddings as huge gigantic deals and so people go out of their way to help and participate and get excited. As we get older, people are still excited, but realize that it's more about the marriage than the wedding itself. I know that all my friends (and myself) are a lot less excited about flower colors, paper styles, etc. than we would have been 10 years ago. And that's totally cool, because at this stage in my life I find it a bit superficial. I think that general sentiment (maybe not shared by everyone), coupled with their own family concerns, probably makes people just not be as excited as you are or as excited as you'd wish they would be. I'm sure they are thrilled that you are getting married, but may just not feel that it's as important/necessary for them to participate in it to the extent you want.
Your BM should definitely suck it up and go to the rehearsal dinner though, unless she has a really good excuse. That just doesn't seem to make sense.
good luck.
posted by livvie 88 posts 5 months agoI'm in a different situation, I feel maybe I'm too young (almost 24, fiance is 28).
I don't think there is ever a right time to get married... and no, you did not miss the boat. You enjoyed life as an unmarried couple or as a single person. You know who you are, and the things you want. I envy you slightly (I wish I would have met my fiance a little later in life, I know he's the one though).
I think every bride encounters these problems. My sister is my MOH and 21... she has her own issues to deal with. My cousin's all have young children (adult only wedding)- so we are encountering problems with that.
Take it all in and enjoy your time, you are not too old... You waited until you knew it was right (I'm sure you could have married prior.. but you didn't settle. You should be proud of that)
posted by maureen9004 261 posts 5 months agoI'm in the same boat that the friends don't sound like great friends. It's all great and fine and wonderful their life is changing and family is growing but they made a commitment to be in your wedding, and that is something that should be taken into consideration byt them and honored..
I would think that a mass email possibly (or several individual ones depending on the crowd), explaining how you feel "last in line" is in order. Explain sweetly that while they all had their days and were no doubt supported whole heartedly by those around them and now this is your day. You're only expecting of them what they expected of the people participating in their day. It's unfair to make you feel unimportant, even unintentionally and maybe they don't realize....
You sound like you have been overly accomodating and gracious to them and I think it's time you laid it out there hunny. You're day shouldn't be less of anything just because of your age (which isn't old!) and because you may be the last of your friends to get married. You don't have to me mean or rude, but I think you really should talk to them. The issue isn't when you chose to got married, it's how those around you are choosing to treat it - which is poorly.
posted by Sweeney2Be 1,488 posts 5 months agoI'm 36 and I wouldn't trade my experiences for the world. Best of all, I held out for everything that I knew to be right in a man and I found it!
Yeah, both of my sisters have kids, but that gives me flower girls, ring bearers etc.
We're having the wedding on 160 acres in the forest with camping and lodging right there... so no need for travel, and can put the kids to bed while we still celebrate.
The thing is, life is what it is... We all made choices that make us unique. I broke the bank buying tons of wedding presents in my 20's. We didn't have any money in those days. Now everyone is more established and we can all celebrate in style.
My kids will have great older cousins.
I'm just happy to have had such a great guy come into my life. There is no *right* time to do anything! I hope things go better for you!
posted by doctorgirl 160 posts 5 months agoI can relate, even though I'm 28, but a lot of my friends married young. I wouldn't send an email, but maybe you can somehow reminisce about their weddings, highlighting your involvement.
It is frustrating when you are the single gal, and your friends think they get the attn for getting married. Then, when it is your turn, they think they deserve the attn for being new mommies. Honestly, I think some of that is natural. When I see this, I just take mental note. I can't control anyone else, so I just remember for myself to not turn into 'that bride' or 'that mom', etc. when I get there. (For me, this started back when my friends dated before me (I was 5'10" in 9th grade, LOL, no boys asked me out), and they quickly ditched their girl friends. I vowed never to do that, but it's been a struggle as friends keep fading away with their other rel'nships.)
Hopefully you can find a happy middle ground. Good luck!
posted by cannotwait 228 posts 5 months agoHi, I'm 28, my fiance is 37, and I know how you feel. Very few of our friends are making the trip (It's expensive to travel and stay in my hometown where we're having the wedding). However, we're treating the wedding as more of a celebration of our relationship than this huge change in our lives. I think people appreciate a more mature view of life, a more realistic approach, when you're older. We understand that not everyone who is important to us is able to attend, and although they will be missed, we're not 21 anymore, this is the most important day of our lives, and we're just thankful for those people who will be able to share it with us.
posted by BettyB 11 posts 5 months agoThanks everyone for the thoughts and advice. It's really great to know I'm not alone, and it can happen at any age. I guess this was extra hard becausemuch of it happened on the same day. I just have to keep doing what I think is right and you definitely learn things about people during these situations. I just need to focus on the good, which can be hard but I'll do it.
posted by mbm4 19 posts 5 months agoI am so glad you posted this, mbm4. I am getting married for the first time at the ripe old age of 40 (!) and while I wouldn't change a thing about my life leading up to this point, I do feel somewhat slighted. To my bridesmaids, this is old hat and they have busy lives with children, law school and what have you. My MOH has yet to ask what she can do to help and certainly hasn't jumped on any plans for a bachelorette party. My FI parents will probably not be able to come to the wedding because they are older, not in the best health and don't fly. That's hard for me to digest, honestly, and I hate it for my FI. I agree with Betty, I have an appreciation for marriage and our weddding that I wouldn't have had at a much younger age and I'm happy for that. On one hand, I feel silly doing some things like registering for china and silver when I long ago established a household, but on the other, I want to have the dream wedding with all that stuff. I don't know, I find it hard yet fun and challenging trying to strike a balance between the two. I am so excited for our wedding but more than it being "our day" I am excited to see friends and family that are coming from all over the country.
posted by pammietee 6 posts 5 months agoHello!
I feel like I'm in the same boat too. I'm 31 and not even dating! MOst of my friends are married and now thinking about children and my best friend, the last of which is getting married in August.
As others have said, I suppose that marrying later, you already know yourself and more importantly you know what you want...you've "lived" life. (that's not to mean that women who married younger haven't either)
I have to admit, I do feel jealous about it sometimes. I wish I could be planning my wedding. Ironically WB is one of my favorite websites! Hey at least, I'm gathering good ideas for when it is FINALLY my turn!
posted by MissyJenn 48 posts 5 months agonot by yourself hun. despite the fact that only one of my bms is married with children, I get the distinct feeling that my wedding is not priority of any of my friends.
i've been battling sadness about this thruout my planning process....its a mix match of expectations and reality. you see on tv and online the giggling gaggle of girlfriends who are sooo excited that their friend is getting married.
not the case for me......and i would consider myself a young bride (26).
i dont think you've waited too long either. i think for some of us, our friends and families just have other top concerns.
somehow, we have to let it go.....
posted by GetMarried4Less 403 posts 5 months agoThere never is a "right" time - those who go early end up with potentially unprepared wedding parties or guests who may not know the ropes. Those that wait have the benefit of experience, but may have social circles who are a little further along. It is all part of the joy and frustration of life.
For you, there's a bunch you can't control, but you can sit down individually with members of your wedding party who haven't stepped up or who are bowing out and let them know how you feel - as non-guilt-trippy and non-emotionally as you can. They may not realize how their actions impact you or, in the excitement/exhaustion of new motherhood, have forgotten what it feels like to be a bride.
It sounds as if you have gone out of your way to make things work and to be accmmodating - after having a talk with your peeps, try your best to let it go and focus on those that are there for you.
Good luck!
posted by missm 485 posts 5 months agoOkay, I'm 43 and FI is 50. Most of his friends have teen-aged kids, and are busy this summer getting them ready to go off to college. A lot of my friends have younger kids (some very young - several 3 and 4 year olds) and my sister's baby will be one year old on our wedding day. I know that most of our friends have kid concerns, and money concerns - try getting ready to pay college tuition, as compared to the expense of just getting a babysitter for the weekend. But most of our friends are really excited for us, and very few (two, to be exact) have begged off the wedding altogether for child related issues. Both of them have four under the age of 10, and would have to travel for the wedding, so I totally understand. Everybody else is bringing the kids, or leaving them with the grandparents, or whatever - but nobody has implied that they aren't super excited for us, even with all the other things going on in their lives.
I'm sorry that your friends aren't as supportive - frankly it sounds to me as if they are more than a little self-centered. However, getting married late is in no way "missing the boat". For me, it means that I have done things and travelled places that most of my girlfriends only dreamed of, and I have a great career and make more money than a lot of my girlfriends' husbands. And not only do I have some really great friends, I have a wonderful FI, and am looking forward to a lot of fantastic years with him. I don't think that I missed out on anything. And I'm sure that you didn't either - it just seems that way at the moment because your friends are a bit too preoccupied with other things.
posted by suzanno 1,978 posts 5 months agoit's not easy on the other end either - we got married six weeks ago and are both 21. while our friends/family were thrilled for us, we are the first wedding of our group/family, so there was a lot of "um... what do we do at/with/for a wedding?!?" not to mention we got married a week after finals ended at our university - everyone was stressed out! i ended up taking on a lot of the planning myself, simply because no one else really knew what to do. can't blame them - how would they know?
would we rather have waited until everyone else was getting married, three or four years from now? nope. while getting married at a younger or older age than normal has its challenges, i wouldn't trade being married with the guy i love for the right time. and i'm willing to bet you wouldn't trade marrying the perfect guy now for a less perfect guy five years ago. :) hang in there!
posted by staceyb 178 posts 5 months ago