Just wondering what your thoughts and opinions of this story are

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Karie:  This has been all over the Australian media. I think if you enter into a surrogacy arrangement and want abortion to be possible in the event of birth defects/downs syndrom etc. then that needs to be agreed upon prior with the surrogate and written into the the contract. That way everyone goes into it with a choice and their eyes open. I don’t think you can expect the surrogate to have an abortion if that is against her personal beliefs.

 

There is still some speculation about the story – apparently the couple have now said (anonymously) that the child, Gammy, is not theirs but that isn’t confirmed. I don’t want to judge without knowing all the facts and I can certainly understand parents being shocked and perhaps acting irrationally in such a situation but the child is 7 months old now. Speaking in general terms though,  leaving your (assumedly biological) disabled child, with immediate health concerns such as a heart defect, in a developing nation with a poor family for over half a year is just incomprehensible.

Post # 3
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

Karie:  Surrogate or not, that couple had no right to dictate what kind of procedure was performed on her body. Good for her for refusing.

I think the couple are awful for not taking their son. I guess they don’t feel like they are responsible for him since they told her to abort and she refused, but that baby has a twin! It isn’t just about them, their daughter has a brother they are denying her! Surrogacy is not baby farming, where you pick the best looking produce and throw out anything that is less than what you perceive as “perfect.”

What would they have done if they conceived naturally and the baby was born with a birth defect that wasn’t detected in the womb? What if the kid got cerebral palsy during the birth process? Would they have just left him/her at the hospital?????

 

Post # 5
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I heard about this story, but I don’t want to judge. It’s easy to do so until you’re in someone else’s shoes. As much as I want to say my husband and I would do the right thing in that situation, it’s easy to say so without actually being in that situation. Just sad all the way around, for everyone. 

Post # 6
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t think the parents had any right to tell a surrogate to have an abortion when it’s against the surrogate’s belief system. I do think the surrogate has every right to refuse to abort, but it’s very, very iffy on whether she can expect the parents to accept the child. I think the parents should pay her in full (assuming she’s getting paid for being a surrogate to someone it doesn’t sound like she knows at all), or give her some money to help before they walk away. 

Just to clarify – the surrogate carried twins to term, the baby boy has Down’s syndrome, and the baby girl is fine? Did the parents take the sister, and leave the brother? Did they tell her to abort both babies just because one had Down’s syndrome? I personally don’t think the parents had any right to abandon their child just because there is something ‘wrong’. Did they go through genetic counseling to see what genes they are carrying, and what their chances of having a child with a genetic syndrome were? Oi. 

It will be interesting to see if this goes through any judicial system, and what that system decides. 

Post # 7
Member
7212 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Bridey77:  “Karie: Surrogate or not, that couple had no right to dictate what kind of procedure was performed on her body. Good for her for refusing.” Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/just-wondering-what-your-thoughts-and-opinions-of-this-story-are/#ixzz39NzdDTVz

I agree with this. it’s also the argument for being pro choice. 

I don’t believe anyone should be able to force their beliefs onto anyone else’s body. The surrogate also can’t expect to force them to take a baby they didn’t want. 

This should have been resolved prior to the surrogate getting pregnant for them.  I also agree that we are not in their shoes and shouldn’t judge. It’s easy to do that from afar, but we dont know all of the details. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  BalletParker.
Post # 8
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

gillykat824:  The reports are that yes, the girl baby was fine and the couple took her home. The surrogate was apparently asked to selectively abort the boy baby only. The surrogate mother has said that the couple may have told her they were too old to look after a down syndrome child (he is 50), that when they came to the hospital they refused to look at the boy baby and just brought the girl formula etc. I’m not sure what exactly is the truth though, there’s been conflicting reports made.

Post # 9
Member
851 posts
Busy bee

This is something the couple should have negoated with the surrogate BEFORE entering into the contract. That being said, they had every right to request the pregnancy be terrimated, and, if the surrogate was unwilling to carry out their wishes then it is perfectly reasonable that she take responsiblity for that child. Is it unfortunate that the child is now in a country with poor healthcare and a woman who is only marginally able to provide for him/her? Yes, but that’s something the woman needed to consider before becoming a surrogate in the first place.

All and all, the whole thing was handled poorly by everyone involved, but I think the parents did the right thing, and it’s probably what I would have done in that position. I’ve been hearing a lot of hate and judgement directed at the parents, but imo there is nothing wrong with realizing that you are not emotionally/financially/mentally able to care for a disabled child. 

Also, THIS is why you should have your genetics tested people.

Post # 10
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

Tinatiny1: I am aware it is the prochoice argument. It is also why she should receive the support of people who believe that she has a say in what happens to her body, regardless of whose genetic material it is. Like I said, good for her!

We can only go by the information provided. I’m sure that there is her side, their side, and then the truth. The bottom line is that they abandoned their medically needy son in a third world country. Even if they don’t feel they could raise him, they could have made better arrangments for him than what he has now. I don’t feel bad about judging that at all. 

Post # 12
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

SilverWire:   I’m not going to get into the parents and my thoughts on them or the surrogate, but I do disagree wholeheartedly with one piece of what you said. Just because this woman agreed to surrogacy does not mean she agreed to become a parent. They are two completely different things. Yes, there was a lot that should have been discussed before the surrogate became pregnant (such as what would happen in the exact situation that occurred), but just because she agreed to carry someone’s children does NOT mean she’s responsible for them. That I don’t agree with at all. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  KatiePi.
Post # 13
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Lollybags:  Holy crap. To be the type of person to selectively take one child and literally abandon the other…I mean, at least look into a proper adoption if you feel you can’t take care of your child. I could understand them not wanting to get into the intensive care a disable child would need, and wanting them to have a proper home where they could get that care, but to just leave the baby?

 

Damn. I need a drink. 

Post # 14
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

Karie:  I agree that it should have been discussed before hand, but every pregnancy comes with a chance that your child could be born with a complication. We’ve come a long way in detecting birth defects, but surprises still happen. What is going to happen if the little girl they took home ends being autistic or special needs in some other way? Are they going to abandon her? 

Post # 15
Member
7212 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Bridey77:  right. I am always glad when we can see where two sides meet. People who think this is wrong must agree that forcing a woman to continue a pregnancy is just as intrusive as forcing her not to. These are highly personal decisions and the state shouldn’t be involved. We don’t  want to end up like some countries where the state dictates reproduction.

I also agree with you that it’s a travesty to abandon a baby because it’s special needs, if that is what they did. 

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