Keeping a family tradition regarding baby name. Slightly awkward situation

posted 3 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
3673 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Can you compromise and use it as a middle name?

Post # 4
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@FromA2B2013:  If this is a bit of a deal breaker I would take Regina Phalange‘s advice and try to see if he would compromise for the name being used as a middle name. It will be your child too! You get a say, after all you’re the one who has to HAVE the baby 😉

Post # 5
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FromA2B2013:  How old is the tradition? My feeling is that these traditions aren’t iron-clad, especially since I’m guessing it is “only” 2 or so generations old.

I also find it a bit “off” that you should be in effect told by your parents-in-law what to name your child. I have no real objection to family tradition dictating the middle name (which is hardly ever used); but to be told what his first name must be, the name you call him at dinner time for the next 20 years – no, that is not your in-laws’ choice. I think that is a tradition which deserves to die, or at least be modified. Pass it on as a middle name instead.

Post # 8
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FromA2B2013:  What I mean is that your fiance’s middle name was chosen by his parents, presumably as a name they like (and perhaps would like a grandson called that?). But there was no regard to whether his future wife (you) like the name and want to use it. To me, that is what is “off”. I don’t see why you should be bound to a name they chose.

Post # 10
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I feel you. My FH is a fourth… so obviously if we ever had a boy we’d basically have no choice or else ruin tradition entirely. We’re planning on not having any kids, which is probably gonna be just as bad as naming a boy something else… still results in no fifth. 

We haven’t gotten any flack for this so far, but I have a feeling that that might change as the years go on. 

Agreed with PP, it’s absurd that your in-laws basically get to dictate the name of your child because of what they picked. No way! I agree with PP, use it as a middle name instead. It’s a compromise. 

Post # 11
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My DH’s family has the opposte of this tradition. They take the dad’s name and make it the son’s middle name. And I even find that a little sad because I feel like I “have” to give our baby a middle name that I didn’t pick. I’m sure it’s even worse for you as a first name that you didn’t pick.

I really think that both parents should be 100% on board with a name before it’s given to their child. It seems very unfair that your inlaws got to pick the name that your first son will have.

If you want to talk to your FI about it, you could explain to him what you told us about your familiy’s connection to the name. Any reasonable person would understand you not wanting to use it in that case. If you do take issue with not getting to pick your son’s name though, I think you should talk about that too. Just because something is traditional doesn’t mean it’s fair or right.

Post # 14
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

cross that bridge if you get there. It’s pointless to argue about something that may never happen. As a compromise maybe you could pick some variation of the name or one that starts with the same letter. This isn’t his decision to make alone.

Post # 15
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Lets face it, even Kate and William (when naming the future heir of the commonwealth) would have had a say in the naming of their child. (while keeping within traditions). This is an unreasonable request, both on behalf of your FI and his family.

I think that if one or both people within the marriage don’t like a name, than they need to keep looking- Simple!

Post # 16
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FromA2B2013:  Hahaha I don’t like it either! But it’s not like he chose it, and I don’t have to deal with the connection much because we don’t hang with his family often. But tbh I totally rolled my eyes when I found out. (Also can you believe he is the second “fourth” I have dated? And it’s not like I’ve had a lot of boyfriends. How weird.)

If we ever DID have a son I’d probably risk their wrath by breaking the trend. He’s not super attached to it or anything either. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors