- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
DH and I are not ttc until July (only 5 more months!) but we talk about our future children pretty regularly, and recently this came up. We want to know the sex of the baby when it is time, but we have talked about not telling anyone else. The benefits of people not knowing would be:
Receiving more gener neutral items/giFts
Receiving more of the items we really need as opposed to a bunch of clothes
Not having to worry about whether or not to tell people the name (if we're not sharing the sex, we certainly can't share the name!)
I know there are sme down-sides, but we feel like the up-sides make it all worthwhile! What do you ladies think? Is this something you have or would consider doing?
Would you be telling people that you know and are keepng it a secret, or lying saying you don't know?
Telling people that we are keeping it a secret. I guess you could do it the other way, but DH and I don't want to lie to people.
We've thought about it, but ultimately I think we'd be too excited not to. Lol. Plus our parents would just go crazy. When we have kids it'll most likely be the first grandchildren on either side as we are both the oldest.
I do understand the positive points though. What I might do is have the showers and THEN tell the gender...if that would cut back on the gender-specific cutesy clothes people like to buy (guilty sometimes.)
I had no intentions of telling people the gender either for all the same reasons you listed!! I thought about doing a gender reveal baby shower. But my MIL who is throwing me the shower didn't seem too keen on the idea. Though she did say she will do whatever I wanted but I sensed it was too "new age" for her. hahah. So I ditched it. Crossing fingers that my shower will not be a pepto bismol explosion like my husband's cousins was!!!
Sex: not a secret (but I don't want masses of pink or blue). I'd probably give people a "theme" to go with.
Name: secret until birth
@mrsbruff2b: Be careful with the theme too! People go way literal. I just went to a shower for a good friend, they have a Winnie the Pooh nursery (baby girl, they didn't want pink) and they got EVERYTHING Winnie the Pooh pretty much. Winnie the Pooh bottles, bibs, bedding, clothes. It was ridiculous. I was really glad I just bought off their registry. :/
@missrain: My brother and sister-in-law told everyone they weren't finding out but I found out later they did and lied to everyone so they would get more useful gifts. It really rubbed me the wrong way. I think it is ok if you are honest and it also depends on your motives. If your only motive is to control the gifts people give you, I disagree.
I'm not trying to conceive yet or in the immediate future but, I would like the sex of the baby to be a surprise for us too. I just feel that's cute. I know a friend who did this and people were always asked her why. I think that's a cute idea and I'm all up for it!
@guitargirl: fair enough. Personally I don't think keeping it a secret because of gifts is a bad thing. We want to have agender neutral nursery for our child and unfortunately so many baby items are either pink or blue. Especially the clothes! Of course you can return or exchange things, but that could hurt people's feelings. If it were as simple as people buying you what you registered for it would be a non-issue, but we all know it doesn't work that way.
I like the idea of dong a gender reveal shower or revealing it later, but I also like the idea of surprising everyone when the baby is born. Plus there is something extremely intimate about sharing that info only with DH. As soon as you tell people the gender everyone is going to have strong opinions about the name, circumcision, etc, not t mention comments about how you plan to raise the child. I know you can't eliminate such input altogether, but it seems like it would curb it a bit. At least initially.
I read ultrasounds as part of my job so I fear that I won't be able to not know. And, I actually don't want to.
I'm going to have to decide whether to not look, to tell the tech to only let me look when it's safe, or know and not tell people... even my FH potentially. So, I voted other because I've defnitely thought about this a little bit.
I agree with guitargirl... maybe you could tell people that you and your hubby know but that you would like to keep the sex and name a secret until the baby is born. There are very few surprises left in life and I think it's wonderful to surprise everyone!
On another note: we had friends that did a "gender release" party. It was super fun! Just light snacks, refreshments, some pink and blue decorations. They gave their ultrasound results to their baker and she baked the color of the sex (pink for a girl, blue for a boy) into the cake... when they cut the cake, everyone found out together! I thought it was a darling idea! However... if you do this kind of a party, make sure you put on the invitation "no gifts please". We weren't sure whether or not to bring a gift, so I ended up making a blanket for them, but other people didn't bring anything and I think they felt bad.
@AmeliaBedelia: Oh god, that sounds terrible! I was actually thinking more of "colour themes" like... giving people a colour palette to go by or something.
I don't like the idea of finding out and keeping it a secret, but I'm not opposed to not finding out. If you don't want to tell people, don't find out! Or, perhaps if you do, don't say, "We know, but we're not telling". (I personally find it obnoxious, but that's just me:)). Just say something like, "Oh, we'll see in about 4 months!" or something like that.
@MrsB2012: That's what I meant.. I wouldn't lie to people about it, but I like the idea of keeping it to ourselves.
P.s. sorry for any weird typos in my posts! I'm on the iPad and it keeps correcting things weirdly! I haven't managed to catch them all.
@mrsbruff2b: Yeah. Chances are they will do it! Lol. Make sure you like the colors A LOT. Now that I'm thinking about this, I have no idea what to do. I think we may have to re-think keeping it to ourselves. Maybe just share it with immediate family only and swear them to secrecy. Lol.
I think it's fine if you prefer to keep it a secret, but in that case you shouldn't tell people. I have a friend who is doing this, and who told me "it's a secret" and I found it a little rude. Don't tell me that you know but don't want to tell me, just say you don't know!
@chastenet: I feel the same way. Something about telling people I know but I won't tell you just rubs me the wrong way-- like I know something you don't know... I understand not wanting pink overload or whatever, but I think people would respect if you request gender neutral stuff. I'd much rather get someone gender neutral stuff because they said they want it than because they were keeping a secret from me.
However, I really don't want to find out the sex when I get pregnant. My husband does, but this is one area I will put my foot down-- as long as it's in my belly, that's the one thing I'll control :)
We did and were some glad we did. Our girl turned out to be a boy!!! No one knew that we knew (or thought we did!)
If people know you know, they will constantly be trying to get you to slip up or over analyze everything you do. If they think you don't know, they won't be so annoying about it.
I love the idea of this. Less of blue/pink clothing. More of usefull items. I also like this idea, since I was a surprise baby. My parents didn't know until I was born. They told close family knew names "If its a girl she will be named .... or a boy ....."
I really don't understand how something so personal is anyone elses business. We have decided not to know the gender and we get asked all the time whether it's a girl or a boy and if we say we don't know, then they accuse us of knowing but keeping it a secret. REALLY?! We honestly don't know and don't want to know! Personally I think that if you want to keep it a secret, then you have every right to do so and shouldn't feel guilty about it.
My fater and stepmother knew the sex of their baby but told all of us that they weren't going to tell anyone... my feeling was kind of like "ok...who do you think you are? a celebrity?" it just seemed unnecessary. no one EXPECTED tem to tell, but people kind of stopped being excited about it after a while.
Personally, I would tell people the sex because I don't like gender neutral clothing colors like mint green or yellow. I'd rather pick out the things I wanted from the registry and hope for the best...people are going to buy clothes whether you want them to or not, LOL. I don't think I'll tell anyone the name until he/she is born, I'm not a huge fan of people referring to babies by their name when they're still in utero...but I'm weird LOL.
You shouldn't feel guilty about it. I'm not sure if we'll keep the gender a secret, but we will definitely keep the name to ourselves and there's no way to really hide that one because you can say, "We don't know yet" and everyone and their mother tells you what to name your baby.
I forgot to add to my post. We received a ton of nice tan coloured clothes and really cute stuff. Hardly any yellow or green. If I would have had another baby, it wouldn't have matter it's sex, I would have had everything I needed.
I would keep it a secret only because I don't think anyone else NEEDS to know that. I feel I'd be asking for name suggestions/etc if we were to announce it before it's born. :/ Plus, as another bee mentioned gender-neutral baby gifts could be a great thing if you're wanting to have another one in the future.
I don't have a problem with people keeping it a secret unless it gets weird... Like say you painted the nursery pink and then nobody can go in the room??
We'll probably be team green if/when we have a baby, so it'll be a moot point.
We found out the babies sex and haven't told anyone. We are gender revealing it at our baby shower. We're hoping this keeps people from buying us too many clothes.
I think it's a great idea! I'm a long time away from having a baby, but when I do, I don't want to find out the sex at all. I feel like, even if you tell people that you want gender-neutral gifts, they won't listen and they'll get you stereotypically gendered gifts anyways.
My fiance and I aren't planning to even try for baby until we've been married at least a year, but this is something we've already talked about. We'd definitely find out but then keep it a secret from everyone else. The reason is we don't want comments from my fiance's brother and sister-in-law about what we're having during the pregnancy. They have three girls and knowing them, if we said we were having a girl, they'd tell us how difficult girls are and what a disappointment it is for the grandparents to not get a boy after their 3 girls. If we said we were having a boy, they'd tell me how disappointing it must be for me to not have a girl since I like such girly things. So we can't win either way. The best thing would be to keep it a surprise from everyone else. We'll know so we can get the nursery done, but no one else will and I don't really think it's anyone else's business.
I love the idea of keeping it a secret! I'm not even sure I want to know for myself until it's born! FI and I are at least 6 years from even trying though so it's not a big issue yet haha.
ETA: The last option on the poll makes me laugh!
@missrain: I liked your idea and sounds like a great idea. I never thought about that through when I was pregnant with my son. Next time I probably will do it similar to your post.
I think it's fine when people choose to just not find out, but I think there are a few things wrong with your theory about not telling people the sex when it comes to what they will buy you.
1) If people want to buy you clothes, they will buy you clothes. Also, have you looked at the selection of "gender neutral" clothing out there? There's not a lot. A lot of the yellow and green stuff looks super girly to me with all the cutesy duckies and frogs on them. The stuff that's "boy" or "girl" is waaaay cute and not all "pink" or "blue". Baby clothes now seem to be brighter colored and more fun than in the past when they were all pastels.
2) If people want to buy you things that are practical and buy off your registry, they will buy off your registry. It's just like when you get married- there are those that are good about always going off the registry, and those that refuse to purchase off the registry. The last baby shower that I went to where the sex of the baby wasn't known, the mom got almost all baby clothes. Hardly any practical stuff.
3) There is no law saying that you have to tell people the name that you pick just because you tell everyone if you're having a boy or girl. My brother and SIL kept their baby names secret until both their kids were born, and we knew what they were having both times. Plus, people WILL ask you what names you're considering, so if you don't tell them the sex, you're going to have to have a name or two for boy and girl to tell people (or just say you're keeping that a secret as well).
Obviously, when the time comes, what you choose to do is up to you. I just wanted to offer you some opposing thoughts to your reasoning to give you things to think about. I wouldn't want you to formulate this grand plan of how you're going to get people to buy you the things you "need" off your future baby registry and have you be disappointed when it backfires.
I'm hoping when we get pregnant we'll find out the gender but not tell people we know. I think once people know we know, they'll be bugging us, trying to figure out hints etc. All our big ticket items will be gender neutral anyway. My friend did this and I thought it was a great idea.
We're going to know the gender, but not telling anyone. Not even our parents, which my mother has already expressed her displeasure at. We're also keeping our names a secret, and when people ask what we want or names we've got picked out, we're going to reply with really ridiculous things. ("We're hoping for a Mermaid, and we've picked out the names Fromage if it's a boy and Dgroalfa if it's a girl.")
I had a friend who kept the sex a secret, and I thought it made us feel weird like we weren't good enough. I dunno. You obviously have a right and everything turned out in the end =) She had a boy and a girl!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 52 |
| Brielle | 41 |
| mypinkshoes | 34 |
| his chippymunk | 32 |
| Cady | 32 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 32 |
| TheLionQueen | 31 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| This Time Round | 30 |
| ndreighton | 27 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| StaceyA | 5 |
| hergreenapples | 4 |
| melisslp | 3 |
| jaguar | 3 |
| luli29 | 2 |
| MsJ2theZ | 2 |
| Cariad | 2 |
| RubyCali | 2 |
| Future Mrs. Martin | 1 |
| guitargirl | 1 |
