Post # 1
Since getting engaged and purchasing a house, I haven’t seen or talked to the majority of my friends. I’m 20 and FI is 21 so most of my friends are just doing the typically college party lifestyle that I’ve never really wanted. I’ve always taken a full course load so that I can graduate a year early and start grad school and am working a lot as well and just have no desire to stay out late drinking like they do. Most of FI’s friends are at the same stage as us, all married or engaged and wanting to have babies soon so we hang around them a lot. I miss my friends and try to keep in touch but being at such different stages makes it hard. Has anyone else had this problem? How do you stay friends or do you just move on and spend time with people in a similar life stages?
Post # 3
I have one or two that I am still friends with from my early twenties. I think that it is just natural to move on as different interests, lifestyles, and lifestages start to become more clear. Now that doesn’t mean you have to cut them out, keeping up with them on fb, major life events, and the occasional outing is all good, maybe later on you will find yourself back in swing with were they are at and can reconnect.
Post # 4
This is such a relevant topic. I think that it comes down to you and your friends having a mutual respect for each other and your life choices. Just because they like to party doesn’t mean you can’t catch up over coffee or brunch or something like that, or you can attend a party and have a couple of drinks with them. Just because differing interests activities means that you probably won’t hang out together as much, doesn’t mean you can’t stay connected in different ways
Post # 5
@MrsN14: I think it’s about making time for your friends, especially time with just you. I am 22, FI is 30, and I am the first of my friends to get engaged, have a full time job, live in my own home, etc. I make sure to make time for girl time or time just for us without my FI, so that my friends see that I’m still me and we can still spend time together. Does FI ever spend time with the group? Absolutely! But I really think it just comes down to committing yourself to make time for those friends, even as your life changes, moves on and gets busier.
Post # 6
@MrsN14: It is very challening when you are moving to a new stage of life and your friends aren’t. The relationship will either grow and adapt, or it will end. I have lost friends with each life stage I’ve gone through, but I’ve also become closer to others and met new people. As sad as it is, sometimes folks just grow apart :-
Overall, I feel friendships work better if you are in the same place in life with the same goals, interests, and hobbies. Just my experience though!
Post # 7
It does make it harder that we all attend universities in different states, but when I try to text or catch up it’s kinda like we don’t even know what to talk about anymore. I am having dinner tonight with one friend I haven’t seen in a while, but she’s been bugging FI about trying to get me to make her a bridesmaid so I suspect that is the reason..sigh. But hopefully it will be fun and I can try to reconnect! That’s for the advice ladies!
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2014 - Barn
This is also happening to me right now! I’m the first of my friends to move out and move away, will be the first to get married… My best friend is still very much in the party stage, drinking, hooking up. Plus she’s very into appearance, clothes and hair and makeup. I’m just not interested in that stuff. It’s sad 🙁 We have a lot less to talk about too. Wish I had some advice for you OP!
Post # 9
As your life changes, so do your friends sometimes. It’s not that it’s malicious, but just the natural flow of things. It’s more comfortable to be around people who are into the same things you are, whether it’s clubbing, taking classes, getting married, having kids.
Make time for them as best you can, but don’t force something that doesn’t work. And remember, just because things kind of wane right now, doesn’t mean they won’t pick back up later.
Post # 10
@MrsN14: I’m a few years older than you, but when I got engaged at 21 my friends were dumbfounded. They just couldn’t relate because they were still in the hookup/party mindset. A lot of things led to where our relationships are now but basically I don’t talk to them very much anymore. If they happen to reach out I’ll be cordial but we just don’t have anything in common anymore. I still love them and care about them, but they’re not the people who come to mind when something major happens, when I need advice, or have a funny story. I think that happens a lot over the course of your life. Some people are not going to remain.