Post # 1
I am having an open bar at the wedding; beer, wine, and champagne only. Most of my guests will be OK as they’re mature adults, but I’m absolutely terrified that the best man, an aunt, and my grandmother (yes, you read that right) will get completely trashed. I don’t feel confident that the aunt and BM will be able to stop themselves before they are throwing up on the dance floor. My grandmother is a volatile alcoholic and I’m so worried she’ll make a scene, she’s loud, crass, and fights with EVERYONE. Can I ask relatives to keep an eye on them? Do I ask them directly to watch themselves? I don’t want to come off as a control freak bridezilla, but to put things in perspective, last wedding my aunt went to, she got drunk BEFORE the wedding and threw up all over in the backseat of my parent’s SUV…..and my grandmother once demanded loudly in the middle of a restaurant whether or not I had a vibrating dildo. Why…..anyone’s guess…..blame it on the alcohol. Advice??
Maybe I can print out ‘wanted’ posters with their faces on them and give them to the bartender……’do not serve these people’??
Post # 3
Hmm, not much help for you as I am having a dry reception, but I have heard of people giving a heads up to the bartender.
Post # 4
The only reccomendation I can come up with is that you give the heads-up to the bartender about problematic people. I’d rather have the bartender shut them down and refuse to serve them vs. me keeping an eye on them all night.
Post # 5
I think you should give them all the alcohol they want before the wedding. Then they won’t even make it to the reception. (Just kidding.)
I agree that you should be upfront with the bartender. It won’t be the first time for him/her. Without knowing your family, I think it could be fine to ask someone to help out. Do any of these people have spouse who, might logically be responsible for them? If someone is an understandable choise, OK. But I’d be careful not to saddle a guest with a job that could spoil their evening, or possibly land them a black eye.
As for discussing their beheavior with them, I can see that. Hey if they can’t act like adults, this is what they get. If you don’t feel like you’re the best person for the job, I’m sure someone els will be. You dad(mom) can talk to his mom, and sister. Your Fi can talk to his best man. And the cause trouble have someone escort them out.
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna
I would not only give the bar tenders a heads up, I would give him pictures of the people you are worried about so he can identify them. Maybe he can make sure to make thier drink REALLY weak.
Another thought is to have drinks for the first part of dinner and then towards the end close that down for a tea/coffee/espresso bar to help sober people up. Hope that helps. 🙂
Post # 7
We’re anticipating a problem with some of the groomsmen (and a few of the BMs) to take an advantage of the open bar. We plan on talking to the bridal party to show some class until dinner is over but once the dancing starts, and all their duties are done, it’ll be a free for all…
I don’t know how much this will help, but we do plan on shutting down the open bar during the dinner. Hopefully it’ll give pause to the constant boozing and help them sober up until all the formalities are over.
I agree to the previous posters to give the bartender a heads up on problem guests. It is afterall the bartender’s job to cut off people when necessary.
Post # 8
You can ask you bartender either as a blanket "don’t serve drinks to anyone who’s obviously inebriated" (which is actually illegal in some places, like Canada, not that that stops people from doing it) or you can print out their pictures on a sheet and give them to him with a warning to "limit these people to 1-2 drinks per hour, OR ELSE" (and if they don’t follow through, DO NOT TIP THEM).
Having a cash bar (with or without first drinks paid for) may dissuade the best man and the aunt to a point, though probably not the grandmother, if she is in fact an alcoholic. Though if you do have a cash bar, you risk having others call you tacky (though personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it).
Post # 9
Well, I don’t want to have a cash bar and make 100 people suffer for the lack of common sense for 3 others……I think I’ll go with the bartender heads up and give him pics of the offenders. Thanks for the help guys!
Post # 10
My mother is quite the teetotaler (and the one paying for the wedding!), but many family members and friends like to drink. Finally, we came to a compromise that my FI and I will pay for the alcohol. We’re having wine during the meal and then the guests will each recieve two drink tickets. That way we can limit how much everyone drinks, but everyone also has a choice to drink alcohol or have soft drinks. I don’t know if you can modify that plan to suit your situation?
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
We’re not having any alcohol other than beer, wine, and sangria. Hopefully not having straight alcohol will help. Also hopefully the yummy food and dancing will help, but you never know…
Post # 12
Let the bartenders know, along with their pictures. But keep in mind that if the bartenders don’t allow them to drink after a certain point, there are people who are so desperate for alcohol that they will have other people get drinks for them. In which case, you need to warn your guests somehow to not cave in to their demands.
Post # 13
Definitely give the bar tender a heads up. That way, he/she can make really weak drinks, or even with no alcolhol… I’m guessing there’s a point where you can’t tell if the alcohol is in it anyways…? I don’t drink much so I don’t know.
Post # 14
@ EngineerBride, yes after awhile, you don’t even notice that there is alcohol in a drink. Some drinks, you can’t even tell that there is alcohol in them to begin with but you certainly feel it several drinks later.
Post # 15
I would offer a few staple drinks or some signature drinks and wine and beer. I would also end the bar an hour before the wedding is over and have the dj encourage the people at various times to not drink and drive!
Or you could do as they did at one wedding I went to. When you went to the reception, they gave you a ticket shaped envelope like it’s a carnival or event and it was printed up very creatively! Inside the ticket shaped envelope was 3 smaller tickets and those were for the drinks. Each guest got 3 and no more. Lemonade, tea, and soft drinks were “zero ticket” items and you could have as much as you wanted.
Post # 16
I really like Belle’s idea of closing the bar an hour before the reception ends.