Post # 1
How do you manage to keep a pregnancy a secret? I am not pregnant yet, and my husband and I want to be very private about things when we start TTC. However, I have a few girlfriends that are at the same “stage” as me, and one is actively trying to conceive right now. She tells me all of the details, so I feel like I’ll know when she is pregnant right away, by her stopping drinking, etc.
So my question is, when I get pregnant, I really think I’d like to keep it a secret until 12 weeks. I have a very close group of friends, but the problem is that most people doesn’t keep secrets very well within our group. Since we’re so close, when something happens, it’s pretty much common knowledge. We also hang out with our friends a lot. It is often in the middle of the day on the weekends, or going out to dinner with our friends or hanging out at someone’s house. But there is always wine and they’ll know right away if I’m not drinking.
I feel like the ONLY way to keep things a secret would be to outright lie. My friend (the one I mentioned above) was asking me when we are TTC, and I told her I wasn’t quite sure yet. She asked if I was off birth control… I didn’t know what to do so I just blurted out NO, even though I am! I just felt if I told her I was off birth control, she’d assume we are trying (which we aren’t, yet), and then start to get antsy about being pregnant.
Can you ladies share how you kept it a secret? Did you hang out with your friends less? Pretend to drink? Something else?
Post # 3
I don’t drink, so that wasn’t an issue for me. If I did, I’d probably lie and say I was on a diet or something and cutting out alcohol. If you’re out, you could always go to the bar alone and order a virgin drink. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with lying, it’s really not their business anyway unless you want it to be.
I think the other problem I had was going out to dinner with people. The smells would always make me want to puke, so that was hard to do. I get migraines often so they weren’t surprised if I just cancelled b/c I wasn’t feeling well.
Post # 4
go to the bar by yourself and order a virgin drink. if you’re mostly drinking at someone’s house, say you’re going on a diet and cutting back on alcohol
i had a friend who kept canceling on us for 2 months because she wasn’t feeling well or had appointments…honestly none of us suspected she was pregnant! it was a big surprise when she told us.
Post # 5
I think it’s none of anyone’s business no matter how close of friends you are.
I did end up skipping a girls night that was basically a wine tasting for charity because I knew it would be really obvious. Mostly I could avoid drinking by just saying I wasn’t feeling well or that I had to do something the next day.
If you’re worried about keeping it a secret during a dinner out perhaps excuse yourself for the restroom and order a virgin drink from your server so you don’t have to do it in front of everyone.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
I vote the diet excuse. Or your doctor told you your blood sugar was too high, and you need to cut out the alcohol. Whatever you like. I can understand wanting to keep it a secret, but simply not feeling like drinking wasn’t an excuse for the people we socialize with. I’ve chosen to pretty much stop completely, because they try to force me to drink even now that they know I’m pregnant, saying one glass won’t hurt. It’s very frustrating. So, I’d come up with some sort of health issue until you’re ready to spill the beans. Nobody’s going to try to force a glass on you if you say it’ll give you a heart attack!
Post # 7
I’d straight up lie. It’s no one else’s business.
They should be understanding and forgiving when the truth comes out down the road and respect that your wish was to keep the process private.
I had been sharing the details of charting and my struggles with a wonky cycle with one friend I was confiding in. When we did finally get pregnant I lied for a couple weeks until I was ready to tell. Like you said had I just stopped talking she would have known. Plus she point blank asked me if I’d gotten my period yet. Which was a fine question for her to ask considering we talked so much about my cycle length etc 🙂
Now the situation is reversed. And I know she’ll lie to me at some point. And I told her that was just fine 🙂
Post # 8
you can drink cranberry juice and a little water in a coaktail glass, club soda with lemon or lime, non alcohol margaritas?
xpanx at begening of pregnancy, it even help you to look in good shape
work out (ligher than before, but it is a good thing to do it)
Post # 9
@Naiexoxo: The mocktails to look like cocktails don’t work. One of my husband’s friends (a guy) called me out on that one fast. And he’s a guy. I’ve just declined invites and said it’s due to work, or flu or something else. Sucks for the first few months but it’s worth it. We also didn’t share with more than 2 close friends that we were TTC and one is only a few weeks ahead of me, which is just so great. The other friend only asked once if we were still trying and then dropped it.
Post # 10
I used a bunch of excuses for not drinking.
°I don’t want to spend all that money on a cab home, I’ll just drive.
°Helping my mother clean early tomorrow morning
At a party once I had a glass of red wine in my hand the whole night. I just poured a little bit in the sink when nobody was looking and then topped it up when the glass was empty.
Post # 11
This is going to be a problem for me as well, so I have started (over the past few months) purposefully not drinking and just saying things like “I don’t feel like it tonight” so that it is not as unusual when I really can’t drink. We aren’t even TTC but this way it won’t be as big of a deal (maybe?) when we are. Also, some some pp’s said, either get a virgin drink, or carry a glass of something around with you and either have your hubby have some sips, pour some in the sink, or take it with you to pee and pour some down the toilet each time 🙂