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I want to keep my name. My fiance thinks it's "weird" (that's his word) and wants me to take his name. How did your man react?
I'm keeping my name too, and FI is fine either way. I joked that he should change his last name to mine, but he says "I didn't ask you to change your name, so why are you asking me change mine?" True say :)
I voted other because I am keeping my name and my fiance wanted me to-he would have been very surprised if I had wanted to take his name. I am very established and well known in my career.
I will be adding my last name to my middle name once I get my new name. I really want to keep it as it has been a part of me for so long
He was bummed but understood. If we would have gotten married before I got my doctorate and licenses, I probably would have changed it, but 'tis not the case.
I thought and I guess still think I'll keep mylastname for work but change it officially to his. But then after we got married I didn't want to, he likes calling me by his last name sometimes and I kinda like being able to pick and choose which one I want to use. But when he asked if I was getting it changed and I said hmmm....not yet, he just said well, I fell in love with you as yourlastname so it feels right that you're keeping it.
Fi was surprised that I was willing to take his. He thought I would want to completely keep mine.
FI never wanted me to take his name. In PR, there is no name taking, so he always thought I would just keep my name!
he wants me to take his name of course! But I dont want to! and i dont i'll give in :)
We're both changing our names so we'll both be the T____ M____ family.
other: He says he doesn't care either way but i know him well enough to know thats a lie and he is going to be hurt if I don't take his name...still not sure what to do
Other: I am keeping my name, he is fine with it. He is thinking of changing his name to mine, and if he doesn't I am thinking of adopting his name socially.
When this discussion came up with my ex-husband, he said something about wanting us to have the same last name. I told him that was fine with me--my last name was available for the taking. When he started to think about all the reasons he didn't want to change his name, he realized why I wouldn't want to change mine, either.
My wife at one point volunteered to change her name to mine. But I realized that I would feel kind of weird about it if she did. I don't want her losing her identity in mine.
At this point, both she and I have the last names we've had all our lives.
It's hard to change names.. your name represents who you are and for 20 soemthing, 30something years it's been your identity. It feels like someone is trying to take away who I am!
I mean, isn't your name YOUR fathers name? and he got his name because of HIS father?
Keeping your name doesn't really stop that fact and you can always keep your maiden name professionally.
snake,
But his name is his father's name. Why is he so attached to his father's name? If his father's name is his, then my father's name is mine, not our fathers.
J is okay with two choices: I take his name or I keep my name.
He's NOT okay with hyphenating (only because it'd be fifteen letters and six syllables - I agree with him on this one), both taking my name, both using my name as a second middle name, taking a new name together.
So ... he's kind of all or nothing. I was hoping for a compromise, since it means a lot to me that we share a name, but don't like the fact that our society is so patriarchal.
@archna my view is different societies keep track of their family lineage in different ways. Many hispanic and pacific islander backgrounds are traced by the matriarch, where as in the US and much of Europe the lineage is done by the patriarch. Its the way its been done for generations and although a lot of things are being seen as discriminatory toward women I think THIS is a stretch. Its not anti-feminist at all.
If this is your issue with taking his name why don't you make a new name? IMO neither last name defines anyone-- I determine my family, I don't need a name to tell me who my clan is.
In most ways I am very forward thinking, liberal & open to all backgrounds and sexual orientation. Perhaps I just don't come from the fact that my name doesnt define me-- and I'm kind of a history nerd- its what I went to college for, and I don't think all traditions are terrible.
I always planned on changing my name, as there wasn't any professional reason for me to keep it.
It was never an issue, but we did talk about the hypothetical situation where I was unwilling to change my last name and my husband said that he would be really offended if I didn't take his last name.
Guys are weird like that.
Like daydreamwanderer he was EXTREMELY against hyphenating, which I find annoying anyway because it gets so cumbersome.
I want to hyphenate (sp?) my maiden with his last name. Both of our last names are not common long european (french and danish) names and that would make my last name 20 letters long. We haven't come to a decision yet, but he wants me just to take his last name. I think if I was absolutely fixed on hyphenating, he wouldn't care, but it's not a HUGE deal to me, so I'll keep thinking about it.
My fiance wanted me to take his last name but said it wasn't all that important to him, so I will probably hyphenate and just use his last name for the day-to-day stuff. I just really don't want to lose my last name.
My hubby always said it didn't bother him if I kept my name, but eversince the wedding, I feel like there's an awkwardness everytime someone asks me in front of him if I changed my name. I think it might be bothering him a little, so I might change it at some point down the road (like after we have kids, or after I finish my training, or when my passport expires in 10 yrs!).
Well, (no offense to your FI) but he is wrong. It isn't weird at all. It is very common in other cultures for a man to take a woman's name, let alone keep your own. FI is taking mine.
I wish my fiance was taking mine! But he's not, so I'm keeping it. He says he's ok with that, and I believe him, but I think he would like me to take his on some level because it's a little easier.
@snake: Of course not! When we're born, we aren't given last names only. Most of us are given first and middle names as well! ;) Therefore, my name is MY name, not my dad's. I'm not a Jr.! Our identity isn't wrapped up in our last names, but in the combination of our first, middle and last names. I've never been anything else but me. I want to keep my own, my original birth name because I love it and because it has a lot of significance to me in several ways, only one of which happens to be because of my dad. If I shared my mom's name it would have a lot of significance to me, too, and only one reason for that would be because of my mom.
I hope that makes sense! :)
BF seems to believe that I will be taking his name.
I guess I plan on it, but it's always funny when I pick up something with my initial, and he goes "don't get that, it won't be your initial for much longer".
Voted other: Mr. & I both took each other's names. We added mylast as a second middle (for both of us) & we have hislast as our last name. He was very AGAINST the hyphenating thing because of logistic difficulties he's experienced as the assistant to a woman who has a hyphenated name that is not the same as her children's. He was okay with me keeping my name, but not with our kids taking only mine (mostly b/c it would weird out his parents & possibly mess up my future relationship with them); I was not okay with having a different name than my kids. So, this was our compromise. Now we're in the process of discussing whether our kids will also have mylast as a middle...
My FI wanted me to keep my name. When I was on the fence, he kept telling me that he never expected me to take his name. He's always seen me as an individual and even though we're getting married, it's not like I'm just becoming a part of him - we're becoming a unit on an even playing field. Although, I'm pretty sure he wants our future kids to take his name...we'll see about that. :-)
@fourpeass: "Although, I'm pretty sure he wants our future kids to take his name...we'll see about that. :-)"
LOL! I've already told C that I want our kids to have my last name. To paraphase another bee: I'm the one who has to carry the kid for 9 months then go through labor to deliver him or her, so the kid'll should have my last name! Plus, it's the reason I've wanted to keep my name ever since I was a little girl--to carry on the name.
I voted other--I'm keeping my name and he loves it! He's always liked the strong individual in me.
my husband would not have been OK with me keeping my name, we are a family and we both feel as though we should have the same name, so i had absolutely no reservations about changing my name, so i did!
I think my husband always assumed I'd take his last name. I am an encore bride and I took my first husband's last name, so I suspect he assumed I would do the same with him.
He was ok with me going back to my maiden name (which at this point, I think would be even more confusing) or taking his name. The one option he DID NOT like was for me to keep my ex-husband's name.
I did take my husband's name and am very glad I did. I no longer wanted to be known by my ex-husband's name. I love sharing a name with my husband.
My husband was confused when I said I didn't want to take his name. We had many discussions about what my name meant to me and how it really was a part of my identity. It is a "symbol" of my race, ethnicity, family, accomplishments, etc. My name means a great deal to me and after we spoke to his family - everyone understood and accepted my decision. It wasn't something I wanted to force one anyone, but it was important to me and I was NOT going to give in. That is not who I am. So, I kept my name and we have decided to hyphenate our kids' names! ;-)
I wanted to take my husband's last name, but he was totally supportive of me keeping mine if I wanted to. My mom kept her maiden name, so it's something I considered, but ultimately I loved the idea of sharing a last name.
Perhaps I'd been living under a rock (well, I guess I do live ON a giant rock stranded in the middle of the Pacific, lol!), but until reading about the name issue here on WB, I had NOOO idea that keeping your maiden name was so common now. The thought of not changing my name when I got married had literally never even crossed my mind. I don't personally know anyone who did not take her husband's last name after getting married.
My SO would be genuinely offended if I did not want to take his name (I asked), as would his family! I guess they are fairly traditional. I just find it almost... romantic, to unify yourselves even down to your name. The kid thing is big for me too. I can't imagine having a different last name than my (future) children.
Other. FI would have wondered what the heck happened to the woman who he was marrying if I had not kept my name.
And for me, a guy being upset that I would not take his name would be a deal breaker. FI actually recently told me that I brought up that I would always keep my name during our first date, though I don't remember that.
My FI thinks that is my decision 100% - he would never change his name and so he doesn't expect me to change mine!
However, I want to take his last name and he is thrilled!
My fiance never brought this topic up. He was happy that I wanted to change my name to his, but he absolutely would have understood if I wanted to keep my name. He wouldn't have been fond of any "new" name (combining names, making up a new one, him changing any part of his name) but I never liked any of those ideas either.
FI says he wouldn't change his name if he were me, so he can't expect me to.
I have an established career and that will stay in my name. I am not legally changing my name.
That said, I have no quams about being called Mrs FI and have no issues with being called that socially.
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