(Closed) Keeping Money for Wedding Secret from Fiance

posted 5 years ago in Money
  • poll: Keep the money a secret?
    No, you've got to tell him! Secrets, secrets hurt someone. : (42 votes)
    58 %
    Keep it a secret forever, or at least until the wedding is all paid up : (10 votes)
    14 %
    Tell him about the money once saving has gotten easier : (21 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @QueensBee:  If your dad is unreliable I would tell him but only after you see that your dad is actually coming through with the money. I do think you should have a talk with him at that point about not wanting to drastically reduce the amount you put in just because of this extra gift.

    Post # 5
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Honesty is a good thing, but on the other hand, this is something that hasn’t actually happened yet! So I think you should keep it on the downlow and when you’ve got a substantial amount, tell him of your dad’s generosity. 

    Post # 6
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I wouldn’t tell him because you don’t know if your dad will really come through. If your dad does contribute more than a few times, then tell him.


    Post # 7
    6207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I wouldn’t tell him about it yet not only because you’re not sure it your dad will come through, but also (and mostly) because you guys need to learn how to save, and this wedding is a good excuse. A wedding won’t be the most expensive thing you have to save for (are you thinking about buying a house or having kids?), and it is very helpful to start living a more frugal lifestyle now, as opposed to later when you are even more used to your current extravagant lifestyle.

    Post # 8
    2786 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I voted to tell him….I am a much worse saver than Darling Husband, but our wedding was important enough to me that I sucked it up. It would have hurt me to find out he didn’t have enough faith in me to tell me that, and frankly I would see it as condescending (“only I can be trusted with this money”).

    Saving isn’t fun, but it’s part of being an adult…..if he can’t do it for your wedding,  what about when you want to buy a house  or have kids?I

    Post # 9
    3264 posts
    Sugar bee

    Why would he want to stop saving if he knows how flakey your dad can be? 

    Surely, that is the response that you give when he says he wants to reduce his savings.

    Tell him.  It effects both of you.


    Post # 10
    2457 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    You need to tell him. You are totally justified in wanting to keep it on the DL, but think about how upset he would be when he finds out you kept something as important as wedding finances from him. True, he would be happy the money is there, but I’d be furious if Darling Husband did that and didn’t tell me, particularly because he didn’t think he could trust me to continue making deposits to our savings account. We’d have some bigger issues at that point.

    Post # 11
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I was all for not keeping any secrets from him until the part where you said your Fiance has trouble controlling spending, and you’re not much better at it. That in itself I think is a good reason to hold on to your little secret until you two have had more practice with saving up on your own. By that time you should also have a better idea of whether or not your dad will actually be able to contribute, and how much. I think it’s very common for some people to never really learn to save money until there’s actually an important deadline for a certain amount that won’t come easy, and you two have a long marriage with many expenses ahead of you, so saving up is a good skill to practice.


    And if you do end up saving up and it turns out you didn’t need to for the wedding, you’ll have a nice lump of savings after the wedding 🙂 


    Post # 12
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Your financial future is a joint burden. He needs to know everything that is happening. He also needs you to trust him enough to be there for you when your dad lets you down.

    You need to tell him!

    Post # 13
    1360 posts
    Bumble bee

    Although I understand your motivations, I would be kind of pissed if I found out that my Fiance was hiding money from me, even if for our wedding. He’ll find out eventually, whether your father comes through or not. I would tell him but phase it as if there’s a possibility that your father may help out, and you should both agree that this contribution doesn’t change the amount that you agreed to save previously. 

    Post # 14
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I didn’t VOTE, because none of the choices meet my Point of view.


    As your Dad has a track record of being unreliable… I’d vote for NOT SHARING the info.

    WHY build up false hope / disappointment for the both of you?

    Much better in my opinion as the Wedding nears to be able to say…

    “Oh ya, and I have $ X that my Dad has contributed”

    Straight forward.  Factual.

    Lol if nothing else, you can always put it towards the Honeymoon.

    Hope this helps,


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