Post # 1
Hi bees, Fiance has 3 cousins (all siblings) that are complete terrors. They are so naughty & their parents have no control over them. They fight,break and yell. The current kid count is immediate family ( x 2 acting as pageboys) + 2 younger girls who may be flying in with their parents (DW for them). I’m thinking about telling them no kids, but that will be a blatant lie due to the pageboys (& possibly 2 x girls). I would also like to avoid family drama.
So, if these terrors are invited, what are ways to have them ‘controlled’ during the ceremony + reception’ ?
Despite being family, they are not close.
These are the kids that would be the ones stealing from our gift table. i have no trust in them what so ever. Advice? Suggestions? …all appreciated!
Post # 3
This sounds like a disater waiting to happen. I think most people making exceptions for the wedding party. If these parents can’t control their kids in low key normal everyday stuff I can’t imagine them being able to rein them in.
Honestly I think inviting them is a mistake when you already know how badly behaved they are. I don’t think there is anything you can do to prevent the bad behavior. I don’t think you should chance it.
Post # 4
How old are the kids? and what do you mean immediate family? Like your children? or your siblings?
As a parent of 2 myself, and if I went to a family wedding where other children were there and I was told no children, I would be PISSED. It may be different though if the ones there are your kids or your sibling. Maybe neice and nephew even. But anything more than that, and you 100% need to invite the cousins.
It is none of your business how they are controlled, or who controls them. If you decide to invite them , then the only thing you can do is offer them age appropriate favours… We are giving the kids at our wedding a colouring book and crayons. Some people if there will be enough children, have a small room at their venue and play movies and things. Maybe the parents might have enough sense to not bring them.
My 3 year old son is VERY active, I would never dream of bringing him to a wedding unless it was a very close family member.
As far as your gift table, honestly you should be worried about more than just the kids. It DOES happen… at my venue the gift table is in a back corner as far away from the door as possible…for all weddings there. The card box should be emptied after most guests have arrived, JUST IN CASE.
Post # 5
@TwoCityBride: Thanks for posting. I agree, but i’m scared of causing family drama. Especially as it’s not my family (FI’s side) i don’t know them very well & would prefer not to be ‘black listed’. And there may be potentially kids there from interstate (only 2 though!) ..although i could blame that on miscommunication since those guests are soo far away 😉
ps. they really are so naughty…
Post # 6
I think it’s okay to just not invite them and say that no kids outside of immediate family/the wedding party are allowed. If they really are as bad as you say, you definitely don’t need them running around at your wedding. If you have to invite them, can you hire a babysitter to watch them during the wedding so they won’t attend the ceremony or reception?
Post # 8
Is there anyone who can be employed to entertain all the kids? In another side room that they can all be in with some activities?
A lot of kinder teachers or childcare workers don’t mind picking up some extra money on a weekend.
Post # 9
@StuporDuck: LOL! That’s what we forgot to bring to my mom’s calling hours–Now you tell me!
Post # 10
I would help arrange babysitting for the interstate couple with 2 daughters, and make it a child free wedding.
Also, unless the page boys are actually closer relations (i.e. your own sons or brothers), you might want to arrange for them to be babysat during the reception as well.
Post # 11
The 2 pageboys are ‘more immediate’ family compared to the terrors. They will only be 2 yrs & are our nephews. I do want them there on the day. Terrors are 9yrs (x2 / twins) & a 13yr old.
In terms of the babysitting idea, it will be nye so i think that woud be difficult to arrange. I would feel guilty for the 2 x interstate girls to be sent off as they would have come such a long way. And to be completely hoenst, i wouldn’t particularly want to pay for the terror’s babysitter.
In terms of entertainment at the venue, that would be a great idea. Although no separate rooms as such, as its a converted barn…. & there will only be 5 kids.
I do like the idea of entertaining them at the recpetion though…do 9yrs like colouring in?
Post # 12
@kjo: Thank you for the insight. Although it’s none of business how they are controlled or who controls them, having them behave badly at a function i am hosting does become my business.
I’m really liking this ‘kid favour idea’. What would you recommend that would entertain boys aged 9 & 13?
Post # 13
@Nic01: If the page boys are your nephews, then the 3 terrors are equally close, because they are FI’s nephews. (EDIT: Oh wait sorry, the terrors I see are cousins. Are other cousins invited? Because if not, you could say we’re inviting aunts and uncles but not cousins… it might work).
And look, the 2 year olds won’t remember it. And you may be surprised, have you heard of the “terrible twos” – they might not be well behaved either. I still think your best bet is child free. Even for NYE, hopefully there is some babysitting option possible, but yeah I agree it’s hard, especially since all the people you know best will be at the wedding.
I have a 13 year old son. 9 year olds are too old for colouring books. The best bet, somehow, is a DVD or a games console, but I don’t see how that would work in a single room place. Perhaps tell their parents that they are welcome to bring any hand held games consoles they have (of course ipod/ipads have games too).
Post # 14
I sort of know what you are going through. We just decided that we are only inviting children that are part of our family OR in the wedding party (we have a friend whose son will be the ring bearer) because we have friends whose children are rotten. We went through different options (being upfront with the parents about their kids behavior, activities for the kids, etc) and the bottom line is they are just horribly behaved kids who are mostly unsupervised by their parents and… it’s MY day (move over bridezilla coming through) and I don’t want it ruined by rotten kids. There are different ways people do no kids: no kids that aren’t in the wedding party, no kids that aren’t immediately family, no kids younger than X years old, etc etc etc. But I vote for finding a way to not invite them.
Post # 15
@Nic01: It’s YOUR wedding, tell them that you’re only inviting the children of immediate family. Be firm. These brats are sure to find a way to ruin your special day and its going to be really embarrassing.
Post # 16
@Nic01: slip them some sleeping pills…. if this may be a problem, I would firstly arrange table plan so that they are at the back. ALso it may be a good idea, if your budget stretches to it to do something to keep all the kids occupied, like hiring a bouncy castle, ball pit or something similar along with a qualified childcarer to supervise.