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You could just have a garter handy for him to toss - no need to make a production of getting it off you.
We are actually not doing a garter toss, or bouquet throw. I don't really remember enjoying either as a guest. And most of our guests are either married or probably don't want to make a spectacle of their singleness.
Hard to keep the garter toss classy when Snopes describes it like this:
The groom's public removal of his wife's garter is a traditional way of announcing to all present his undisputed right by way of marriage to the use of her body. She is his to procreate with, says the custom.
I think it is a silly custom and I won't be doing it.
Oriental Trading Company has little bride and groom rubber ducks and teddy bears.... i kinda want to buy those to toss instead. people still get to catch stuff, but i get to keep my bouquet and my dignity. :-P
I've been thinking about the same thing recently. What if the groom tosses his boutonniere? You're less likely to want to save that, and it's more of a counterpart to the bouquet than your garter. Just be sure to remove the pin first.
If he wants to remove your garter, what if it's done in the limo on the way to the reception? That way he'll be happy and you won't be embarassed by who's watching.
Jess: that's a great idea about tossing it out the limo. Maybe I'm out of the loop- but I've never heard that one before. I'd been trying to think of alternatives. I don't really like the idea of my family watching my hubby with his head up my dress...
There is no classy way of doing the garter toss. I'm sorry, there really just isn't. I've been to over a dozen weddings in the last 2 years and I have not seen a single bride do this. In fact, I don't think I've EVER seen a bride do this except in a movie. Just don't do it.
If your groom insists, btw, I would definitely play a prank on him. I believe a bee just posted a few days ago about blindfolding the groom and fooling him so he was feeling up a groomsman's leg. I would go with that. ![]()
I know when I'm a guest at weddings, I always HATE being herded out onto the dance floor with all of the single people. Everyone always steps away from the tossed ... whatever ... anyway. I don't think we'll be doing this.
We are planning on doing a dance where we get all married couples on the floor to find who has been together the longest (i.e. "If you have been married less than 6 hours sit down" (us) "Less than 1 year", etc.) until the couple who has been married the longest is left. The couple will receive the bouquet and the garter. No tossing, but still incorporating the garter in what I think is a sweet way
Not exactly "classy" but an alterative idea:
My cousin had a ton of opaque balloons blown up and had a garter hidden in one of them--she released the balloons and the men had to pop the balloons to find it.
I'm a silly traditionalist at heart, so I have to partake in this silly tradition, and thought the way my friend did it was classy. She went in the restroom right before and slid it down to around her ankle. Sat in a chair, lifted the one leg up a little and the groom just had to kneel. It all depends on your friends too, my friends are hammy goofballs and would kill us if we didn't do bouquet or garter. To each their own.
I like the limo idea, I too never heard of that.
What if you tossed a gift card for dinner instead. All your single friends could get up there and you could say something like : "We didn't figure throwing you my undergarments would make you lucky in love, but perhaps the an all expense paid date will. Have dinner on us!" I can't think of single friend of mine who would turn this down. No embarassment for you and it would be a worthwhile prize for them.
I'm actually with jma19. I never enjoyed being made a spectacle of just because I was single, and most of my friends are the same way. Nobody ever wants to go catch the darn thing - guys or girls. The last few weddings I have been to that did do either had a really hard time getting folks out on the floor for both of them. We aren't doing either, and we aren't substituting anything.
One of my brides had a garter that she gave her husband prior to the wedding, and he did the garter toss. The bonus for her was that he didn't go fishing for it.
The great thing about weddings these days is that you can do or not do whatever you want. You don't even have to have the garter toss. The history behind it that I've studied (yeah, I study wedding history...I'm a geek) says that wedding guests used to consider it very lucky to have a piece of the brides' clothing and would almost tear her dress apart to get the luckiest piece they could. To prevent being mauled on the way to the marriage bed, she would fling her stockings. Somehow it filtered down to a garter. Who actually wears garters these days anyway?
What a great story! Thank heavens its not as hard to get away with your dress intact today. It would be the ultimate trash-the-dress session...
We did the dance thing too, having the couple who has been married the longest stay up dancing and we then gave them the bouquet and garter...it was DH's parents...50 years! :)
We're going to do the bouquet toss (strictly because I want a picture of it!
) but we're forgoing the garter toss. And, our bouquet toss won't be your average "let's call out all the single women and embarrass them" — we're going to ask all the women to come out on the dancefloor, and the bouquet catcher gets to keep the bouquet and a "special" centerpiece. (Our centerpieces will not be available for the taking, but we'll have one large one that is meant to be taken). Hopefully this will get more people involved and make it less dreaded!
my fiance's cousin had the garter in her hand.
When her husband kneeled down to get it, she just handed it to him.
We're going to encourage ALL of our male guests with the garter toss by attaching a gift card to Best Buy to the garter. That way, there won't be an awkward feeling for the single guys to have to be "forced" out on the dancefloor.
I'm aiming for my MOH for the bouquet toss, so no need to make that "appealing."
i didn't want to do the bouquet or garter toss either. We also opted for an anniversary dance and the winner's (DH's parents friends 50+ years) were awarded my throw-away bouquet.
My sister did it in a way that I did not think was degrading or trashy. She sat in a chair with her dress held up just a little. (There was plenty of tulle to maintain all modesty!) Her husband simply removed the garter with his hand. There was no under-the-skirt, no teeth, no defiling-your-body-or-dress sentiment there! It's one of my favorite pics from her wedding, because she got to show off her amazing shoes and she has a coy, but playful look on her face. And he's just always a jokester. That playful look between them is timeless! I loved it!
He tossed it, our 14-year old cousin caught it, and the kid simply wore it around his arm, like guys did at the prom! No nasty, further embarrassment of placing the garter on the bouquet-catcher...
I think you can pull off off keeping the toss, if you have rules. Find a song that's not outrageously sexy or "manly." Make sure your FI keeps the removal simple and dignified. Prior to the toss, move the garter down closer to your knee, so you don't have to reveal anything more than your feet. And have fun with it!
If you can't have fun with it, don't do it. As others have said, there is no expectation or need for the toss, or anything else for that matter. Do what you feel MOST comfortable with.
What's his argument for having it, btw??
thanks everyone for the input... my FI absolutely refuses to use his hands if we do the garter toss... ugh! but i'll try some of these ideas out on him and see if he bites (ha ha, sorry couldn't resist)! we'll see.....
Well, compromise is important in marriage. If you absolutely don't want his head up under your skirt, which I would think would be fairly uncomfortable for the guests as well, then I think you get to veto that. After all, its you he is making a spectacle of as well as himself, and if you're not comfortable with that, he definately shouldn't insist. If you compromise by actually letting him toss the garter, he should definately compromise on the manner of getting it off your leg.
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i don't know about the rest of you ladies, but i'm pretty conservative, and even though my FI and i will be married and legit at this point, i just don't like the idea of him sticking his head up my skirt to go fishing for my garter, any CLASSY ideas of how to keep this tradition, without the raunchiness of looking like he's doing something inappropriate for my rents and grandparents to watch!!!
or any alternatives to the garter toss for the boys??
this topic is creating a fabulous rift b/t the FI & I help!
thanks