Keeping things fresh and sexy in a long term relationship

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@chillinchillin:   My husband and I have only been together for two years and aren’t at this stage yet.  I want to bump this thread and see if there’s some good advice forthcoming from the wise Bees.  🙂

Post # 4
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ok, I guess in the meantime we can brainstorm some ideas, because keeping our relationship fresh and sexy is my #1 priority in life.  🙂

Sex – do it.  Do it a lot.

Talk sexy and lovingly (text, email, phone, whatevs) to each other during the day to build up the desire to see each other.

Do fun things together on a regular basis.

Do not allow discussions between you to be only about “problems” or bills or kids or things that need to be fixed.  Talk about current events, talk about ideas, think of ways to change the world for the better, listen to music, dance.

Um, thinking, thinking …

Lingerie is good.  😉

Post # 5
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Dating divas website has a lot of ideas/games/printables to keep on dating through your marriage or long term relationship 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Sunfire:  Like you, I am not at this stage with my FI yet, but I did date someone else for nearly 10 years. I found variety was the spice of life. There was nothing we didn’t try or weren’t open to. We made sex a priority even when we didn’t feel like it (especially when we didn’t feel like it). I didn’t forget to do the little things I used to do when we first started dating, like wear sexy clothes and put on make-up.

There is a lot to say for comfort, but there is also a lot to say for making an effort. We would go back to places we went when we were first dating and rekindle how we felt then – he would work for it like he did in the past and not just expect it. Sexting and pictures would create build up during the day and we even wrote each other erotic stories. I think like all things, openness and communication are the key! 

Post # 7
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s great that you guys have recognized that there’s a potential for a problem and are being proactive about it. My boyfriend and I went through the same thing at around 5 years. I don’t want to write a novel about it, so long story short– we didn’t deal with it appropriately and it blew up in our faces. Our relationship is all the better for it, but the next year and a half was ROUGH! 

I think the best way of keeping things fresh depends on the two of you. We try not to talk about work too much, because although it’s cathartic to bitch, it’s boring for the other person, especially if you have to explain a lot of technical things. We try to take vacation days together or make it a point to do unique “staycation” stuff instead of getting caught up in the usual routine. Sometimes we feel slogged down and unmotivated by everyday household stuff– the best way for us to deal with that is to set a timer for 20 or 30 minutes and both run around cleaning like crazy. Then we help each other with dinner and after that we’re much more ready and less distracted for relationship time. My “default” setting is to turn inward, so I have to make an effort to tear myself out of my own head and pay attention to him. And of course, if you guys each have stuff going on independently of one another then you’ll actually have something to talk about over the dinner table. 

Post # 8
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

rekindling the fire in a relationship… hmmm

-wigs of a different hair colour or style for the bedroom. Maybe makeup, new positions, new sex locations, oils, toys, SOMETHING

-absence makes the heart fonder. Maybe more time apart. Or maybe it’s the opposite: more time needs to be spent together. Try out a new restaurant, club or visit one from your past.

-make a list of things you two always wanted to do (bucket list?), pick one and work towards it.

We fell into the same rut too and things got rough (8 years together). It seemed as if we both lost interest in what we had, which led to a huge fight and then a break up that didn’t last long. When we were apart we realized what was out there and got back together. From since then, we are actively making sure we don’t fall back into that rut.

A routine lifestyle is like poison to me. Find what works for you two. 

Post # 9
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@lampshade:  I love that timer advice!! Makes life soooo much easier.

Post # 10
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

OMG I almost forgot… the best thing we ever did to spice things up was to not have sex!

Seriously… we made a pact to not have sex for 30 days. We could do “everything but.” It was my idea because i thought it would force us to be more creative and when we did have sex at the end of the month we’d be dying for it. I thought it would be worse for me because I’d gotten so used to getting my O the same way every time (same position and everything) that I hadn’t been able to come any other way in a long time. 

It was awesome. I think we both didn’t want the month to end. We did that back in March and we’re still feeling good about it. The next time things start to get stale we’re doing it again!

Post # 11
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

FI and I have been together for over 7 years now and never really lost the “freshness” or anything like that. While we are a lot more comfortable now than in the start, we still flirt a lot and act like we did back then! haha But I do like some of the advise on here, and will use it if we ever have to (:

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