Post # 1
In the midst of last minute planning, my FI popped the ‘ so you definitely aren’t taking my last name’ conversation on me. I thought it had been already been resolved and we had decided because I have a professional designation, that I would keep my name. No hyphenating and kids would have his last name. I am a researcher so all of your publications (which is how success is measured) is linked to the name in which you published under at the time. If I didn’t keep my maiden name, I would lose a chunk of publications and it would be really tough for me personally and for my career.
He has asked if I would compromise and take him name legally, but keep my maiden name professionally. Does anyone have any experiences with this? It is not my preference to change my name at all, but I can understand why it is important to him and am willing to discuss it.
Post # 2
mrs_loml: I don’t have the issue you have as far as published research, but people misspell my married name at work ALL.THE.TIME. I find it really annoying! I have been considering going back to my maiden name professionally(its only four letters long, a common name that is also a noun, and if you can’t spell it, I have to assume english is your second language). I’m not sure how to approach this with my husband. I’ll be watching this thread to see what people suggest.
Good luck, and here is to hoping both of us find an answer to our dilemma.
Post # 3
mrs_loml: I changed my name legally and kept my name professionally. I’m a photographer, and my business IS my name. It’s First Maiden Photography – and was established in my area, I was not about to change that. Professionally I still go by my maiden name, and personally I go by my married name (which I legally changed to First Maiden Married – dropped my middle). It’s never really been an issue for me.
Post # 4
I told my husband I would think about changing my name…and slowly worked him up to “I’m not changing it since it’s my name.” He thinks it’s weird, but I don’t care. I’m not a Mrs. It’s just not who I am. I happen to be married, but that’s not my sole defining characteristic.
If you don’t care about keeping your name or not, you can just use his socially and retain your own for legal and professional purposes.
Post # 5
I did exactly what you’re talking about and it’s worked out for me. At first I was really torn on whether I should change my name legally or not, but finally my mom convinced me (mainly with the logic that you want to have the same name as future children).
I also want to add that it was more important to him for me to change my name than it was for me not to.
Do what you gotta do and let us know what you decide!
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
mrs_loml: Celebrities do it a lot.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
mrs_loml: You can do that with no problem. Just make sure to keep a few certified copies of your marriage license for just in case you need to prove your maiden name. I go by First Maiden Married at work but my legal name is First Married. No problems with anything yet and it’s been 6 months.
Post # 8
mrs_loml: one of my friends who is a Phd holder/researcher did this and it seems to have worked out fine for her.
Post # 9
mrs_loml: I’m facing a similar situation, not because of publications, but I’m concerned that my e-mail would be blocked in some instances. FI’s last name contains a word that is not necessarily appropriate for work, and I know some companies block e-mails based on content. We aren’t really a traditional couple so I didn’t think he would care that I kept my maiden name, but apparently this is something he feels strongly about! So he would like the same compromise your FI is proposing which I think is ultimately what will happen. Let us know what you decide on!
Post # 10
Following because I have the exact same issue! I think one of my colleagues did this (kept her maiden professionally, but changed it legally), another didn’t change it in either realm, a third changed it in both realms– she just lists all her pubs on her CV, whether maiden or married, and a fourth colleague hyphenated. Don’t know what I am going to do yet…
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! Its definitely reassuring that people have gone both ways with success, and that other people are having difficulties making the same decision. Would love more feedback!