Post # 1
I don’t know what to do.
About 2 weeks ago, I asked my best friend to step out of my wedding. Bad feelings had been building up for a while, and after she locked herself in the bathroom crying uncontrolably during my bridal shower, I knew that was the last straw. Showed up in a hoodie and jean, made her mom buy a shower gift for her to give an hour before the party started. She offered her help and financial support to the shower, and then would not call or email my sis back. Left her hanging.
I have a lot of anger as I discovered that this whole time she’s had it out for my sister, jealous because I asked my sis to be MOH, not her. I think she acted out at my shower to ruin the party, because my sis and mom put so much time, money and effort into it. She actually went so far as to say, well your sister is your sister and you wouldn’t believe what I told her anyway.
She refuses to speak to me. I bought back her dress, and returned her shower gift. She told me the time and day to come, and then made her husband do the dirty work by talking to me, because she was “taking a nap”. Her mom tells me that she’s hurt
20 plus years of friendship down the drain.
I still invited her to the wedding. There would be 6 in her party if she comes. My Mom plans to call those we haven’t heard from toward the RSVP date to ensure they recieved the invite ok. I’m afraid she may show up with her 6 in tow, and not RSVP. How would handle this?
Post # 3
Oh how stressful. She’s married & has 4 children… I don’t understand why she would behave this way. Was the financial part of being a bridesmaid too much for her? Was it really just jealousy towards your sister? It seems very strange.
I’m sorry you had to fire your BM… I guess you just have to ask if she’s going to attend or not w/ her family. If she says no, or doesn’t respond to you (or your family representative) then don’t keep a place for her brood. The least she can do is say whether or not she’ll show.
You said “20 years of friendship down the drain” will it really be too hard to mend your relationship? It really seems like something else might be going on with her… grown women don’t usually act like that (in public) for no reason!
Post # 4
Make sure you call her, or have someone call her, to confirm that she received the invitation. If she doesn’t send back the RSVP by the RSVP date, have someone call her to ask her if she’s planning on coming. If she says no and still shows up, have someone (DOC or MOH or SOMEONE!) politely tell her and her posse that they are welcome, but they will not have anywhere to sit. (Or even that they’re not welcome!)
I had a best friend for 10+ years and those years went down the drain because of some stupid issues we had. I’ve since moved on and my life has changed completely. I do not miss out on her friendship anymore.
Post # 5
She only has 2 kids, but her extended family would be attending too. So 6 total.
Post # 6
Can you really not forgive her? After 20 years, even this wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. And I don’t give second chances very often. I would call her in a couple of days and see who is coming. This one or two days is not worth your friendship. I promise!
Post # 7
Sorry, 2 children– I just assumed!
If she is refusing to speak to you do you really think she’ll want to come anyway? Perhaps you could write her a letter stating your feelings towards the situation…
I know she acted terribly & hasn’t been the best friend lately, but I really, really think she is upset about something else. Keep the lines of communication open… Kate is right, 20+ years isn’t worth throwing away.
Post # 8
Have you stopped to think of what she going through. Maybe she and her husband are having problems there has to be a reason why she is so sad I would try to talk to her and find out why.
Post # 9
I’m with gingerkid – it sounds like she might be having some personal problems and instead of facing them is taking it out on you and your wedding. I certainly don’t blame you for wanting her out of your wedding and you handled it the best way that you could. I can’t help but quote my great grandmother, though – “The ones who are hardest to love often need it the most.” It sounds like your friend is going through some sort of crisis.
Post # 10
Depending on how old her kids are, maybe she’s suffering from PPD. I know that I was still suffering around my daughter’s 2nd birthday. PPD can just turn into regular old depression if you’re not careful. She sounds like she’s having a hard time. I would give her another chance.
Post # 11
Sounds like some underlying issues that you may not know aobut. Go take her some “chocolate or Sangria or whatever floats her boat” and extend the friendship.
Sometimes it takes a bigger person to make it work.
Post # 12
I had a long talk with her the day after the shower. She told me a few things, but these were nomal issues, that have been going on for years. She says she is just tired, and that was why she was crying in the bathroom. The other side of the story was that she was upset because my sister wouldn’t let her help and she didn’t have the money for a gift. She was so upset that guests started questioning what was going on. She really embarassed my Mom and I, and put my Mom through alot of stress that day, to the point where my mom had to go into that bathroom and cox her out to the party. She had 30 peopel she was hosting. BFF’s Mom also went in and they got into an argument.
When I told her that she really upset my mom days later and the stress we had all been under from my Grandma’s cancer diagnosis just a few days before, she laughted it off and said Oh did your mom tell you how she had to come in and tell me to get my shit together. She was giggling about it like she was 5 years old.
I spoke to her Mom and her Mom went on and on about how she was so pissed at my sister. When I asked her about it, she was just riduclous and told me that I was irrational.
I know she’s going through alot, but her excuses are not better than anything most of us deal with on a daily basis. I know I sound cold, but she’s been pulling this shit for years! I was just really disappointed that she would do this to me as I’ve been there for all of her family stuff, (wedding, birth of kids, birthdays buying gifts) etc for years. I was just hurt that she didn’t make the effort to be there for me.
She will not return my calls or emails, and has blocked me on Facebook/Myspace. After 20 years of friendship, I really thought she would understand when I told her I was trying to give her away out of the wedding so she wouldn’t be so upset and stressed about it and the money obligation. I feel like a bitch, but I really do think that FI and I made the right decision.
Post # 13
dont feel that way hun you have extended yourself one sided friendships never work and yes it does hurt when you do everthing for them and they cant do a darn thing for you.