(Closed) Kicked BM out of wedding…..now what to do?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Oh how stressful. She’s married & has 4 children… I don’t understand why she would behave this way. Was the financial part of being a bridesmaid too much for her? Was it really just jealousy towards your sister? It seems very strange.

I’m sorry you had to fire your BM… I guess you just have to ask if she’s going to attend or not w/ her family. If she says no, or doesn’t respond to you (or your family representative) then don’t keep a place for her brood. The least she can do is say whether or not she’ll show.

You said “20 years of friendship down the drain” will it really be too hard to mend your relationship? It really seems like something else might be going on with her… grown women don’t usually act like that (in public) for no reason!

Post # 4
Member
369 posts
Helper bee

Make sure you call her, or have someone call her, to confirm that she received the invitation. If she doesn’t send back the RSVP by the RSVP date, have someone call her to ask her if she’s planning on coming. If she says no and still shows up, have someone (DOC or MOH or SOMEONE!) politely tell her and her posse that they are welcome, but they will not have anywhere to sit. (Or even that they’re not welcome!)

I had a best friend for 10+ years and those years went down the drain because of some stupid issues we had. I’ve since moved on and my life has changed completely. I do not miss out on her friendship anymore.

Post # 6
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Can you really not forgive her? After 20 years, even this wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. And I don’t give second chances very often. I would call her in a couple of days and see who is coming. This one or two days is not worth your friendship. I promise! 

 

Good Luck!

Post # 7
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Sorry, 2 children– I just assumed!

If she is refusing to speak to you do you really think she’ll want to come anyway? Perhaps you could write her a letter stating your feelings towards the situation…

I know she acted terribly & hasn’t been the best friend lately, but I really, really think she is upset about something else. Keep the lines of communication open… Kate is right, 20+ years isn’t worth throwing away.

Post # 8
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Have you stopped to think of what she going through. Maybe she and her husband are having problems there has to be a reason why she is so sad I would try to talk to her and find out why.

Post # 9
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m with gingerkid – it sounds like she might be having some personal problems and instead of facing them is taking it out on you and your wedding.  I certainly don’t blame you for wanting her out of your wedding and you handled it the best way that you could.  I can’t help but quote my great grandmother, though – “The ones who are hardest to love often need it the most.”  It sounds like your friend is going through some sort of crisis. 

Post # 10
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Depending on how old her kids are, maybe she’s suffering from PPD. I know that I was still suffering around my daughter’s 2nd birthday. PPD can just turn into regular old depression if you’re not careful. She sounds like she’s having a hard time. I would give her another chance.

Post # 11
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like some underlying issues that you may not know aobut.  Go take her some “chocolate or Sangria or whatever floats her boat” and extend the friendship.

 

Sometimes it takes a bigger person to make it work.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

dont feel that way hun you have extended yourself one sided friendships never work and yes it does hurt when you do everthing for them and they cant do a darn thing for you. 

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