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kick em to the curb, and dont invite them to the wedding. That would be my vote. Ignore them.
and on a side note: why oh why when going to a dress fitting would they not take off there hat n jeans?
WIERD.
I would send them an email or phone them to say "look, we've been friends a long time and it would mean a lot to me if you would come to the wedding, but clearly this bridesmaid thing isn't working out. I'll send you invitations and I hope you'll be able to make it". Maybe they just didn't know how much is involved in bridesmaid-ing, and they're not mature enough to go with the flow. So yeah, kick them to the curb, but nicely, there's no need to get in a big argument - you have enough to worry about! If it ends up a big she-said-she-said you won't have any energy left for the important stuff. Just tell them your decision and move on with a sigh of relief and appreciation for your other bridesmaids/moh. Good luck!
problem with email is they avoid it apparently!? and i dont want to talk on the phone, ive never been a big phone talker...i was hoping to (after all my midterms are in next wednesday) be able to invite them both over and have my fiance and i just tell them the decision we have made and hope we can remain friends....my fiance was good friends with them also, we were all very tight...this has all been quite a surprise for me! i expected a little resistance, jokingly...but not this much problems....
they also bought their dresses already...they were reasonable for BM $135.00 but i feel like that is not my concern....or should it be?! UGH DRAMA....i was never one for this bullshit...
I do think the dresses should be your concern. You, or someone in your family, should offer to buy their dresses from them. You can try and sell the dresses later.
Your bridal party should be fully supportive, it is you and your FI day not theirs. KICK THEM OUT!!!!
i took some time and texted them today to tell them that he and i would like to sit down and talk at the end of the week, once midterms are over.
both responded ok....and then BM#1 responded, "i know your busy but i think it is really important we meet asap about this, 2 weeks is getting out of hand."
too bad! i am busy and it didn't phase you when for the last 2 months my sister tried to contact you for the bridal shower.....BAH!!
Ok, I'm normally not a fan of kicking people out of the bridal party...BUT
I would tell these girls that they will look lovely in the dresses they bought, hope they can find somewhere to wear them because it will NOT be at your wedding! I can understand people who don't live up to being a BM, because not everyone knows what is involved in the process. Ok, I get it. But not living up to just being a friend? Let alone a decent person?? Sorry, but these two are selfish selfish jerks, and the sooner you kick them OUT of your life the better! They claimed not to have the money to contribute, then got inked and vacayed. Screw that, they are just selfish. Again, I would go with the above sentiment: tell them not only are they no longer part of your wedding party (because of their selfish behavior!) but they are no longer invited to the wedding period. And NO you shouldn't pay for their dresses! This should be their lesson...don't be a selfish jerk. I can't believe that BM#1 was demanding of YOUR time when she has so obviously been ignoring you and your MOH!! She can fricken wait.
Grr...I'm mad FOR you!!
Dont send them an invite and stay far away from those two. this is suppose to be a happy day no stressing (that much) and no worries especially from the wedding party. Tell them both BYE for good!
honestly?? KICK THEM OUT!
this is YOUR day... and that means the planning process too! if my BM's weren't supportive i wouldn't know what i would do!
there's enough stress that comes with wedding planning, my BM's are the ones to get me thru it, not cause it!
you deserve better!!
Yep, kick them out. They've been nothing but uncooperative and they are LYING to you.
I say give them the boot. True friends are suppose to be there for you no matter what and help you. They dont seem to be there for you or helping you at all. I wouldnt say they are much of friends at all. I cannot imagine being like that to someone I call my friend. I am sorry you are having to deal with this, especially so close to your wedding
I generally don't like "kicking people out", but this situation definitely calls for it.
kick them out
make them pay for the dresses
you asked them before to give them an out
and now they are out $135 each for being big jerks. they deserve it
Oh my gosh that's nuts. I'd kick them both out, and honestly, I wouldn't even invite them to the wedding. I'd consider this the end of my friendship with them. They showed a complete lack of regard for you and your family, let alone the importance of the wedding/wedding activities. A wedding and all that goes into it is BIG deal, if your BM's can't support you with this, they won't be there when anything else is going on, whether its good or bad. If you really have to tell them why they're booted, do it. And be honest. But if they ask for no explanation, don't give them one. Because either they know what they've been doing wrong, or they are so self absorbed that they don't realize.
How does that impact your wedding party stuff though? Are you ok having an uneven number of people? That wouldn't bother me, as long as I got the negative vibes outta there!
I also vote to kick them out and no invite! They have caused nothing but stress to you and their actions are not friend like. Plus, what if they act up at the weeding.
As far as I am concerned, these 2 girls are not helpful or supportive, so I wouldn't want them to be a part of my wedding. That's just my opinion, but do what will make your day easier for you!
Sorry you're going through this. They don't seem to respect or support you so I don't think they will be too shocked if you excuse them from their BM duties.
You don't deserve this and they certainly aren't true friends. You obviously have tried to be friends with them and work it out and they are clearly avoiding/ignoring you. I'm with you and always try to make a friendship work but it's a 2 way street.
Since my engagement I had a good friend, that would have been BM #4 that has completely avoided all emails, calls and communication. A good friend of my FI emailed me and told me they weren't friends anymore because he wasn't trying hard enough to be her friend. Such drama but these are the type of people that obviously are only the seasonal friend and not there for life.
I say cut your loses and move forward! Best of luck and have a wonderful, beautiful and memorable day!
I'm confused. You said that you had texted both "Obviously you do not care about me, do not come to my wedding, you have done nothing but cause issues". What's the question?
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QUITE LONG BUT NEED ADVICE!
I have been having issues with 2 of my BM from the beginning. They are a couple and are (or were) 2 of my best friends. From the beginning, after I had asked them...BM#1 would joke around and say "oh youre getting married? " like the first 3 times wasnt funny but tolerable...and then after then i was kind of questioning whether she had cared to be in the wedding...it came to a point when she said, "I have to miss bonnaroo for your wedding?!" (Bonnaroo is a music festival in Tennessee). So I said listen, if you do not want to be in th wedding, it won't hurt my feelings if you back out...just tell me now before it gets too late. I really was VERY understanding at this point, wondering if she felt uncomfortable wearing a dress (as she had requested to wear a tux) She says, "oh no i do...bla bla bla" so we continue on...
Then comes the BM dress day, where i had made an appt for all the girls to meet (minus my sister & MOH since she was in Spain). My fiance's sister is pregnant so i wanted her and my 3 friends to come and get an idea of what looke good on their bodies and still was within the style of my wedding. ANYWAYS, the morning of BM#1 calls me at 4:30am, drunk asking to come over...I tell her of course, what good friend wouldnt? She comes over, complaining about her gf (BM#2). I tell her she needs to do what is best for her...(they began having serious relationship issues)...She passes out because she was drunk and tired and i go for a walk at 9am with a neighbor and when I get back my fiance is home and BM#1 is gone. I ask him where she went....he says home. Our appt was for 11:30am. I had planned this for one month. She didn't come & I had to lie about seeing her in the am because BM#2 didn't know she was out with other ppl. AWKWARD!!!!
After 3 weeks I finally get BM#1 to come look at dresses, for a fitting so we order the right dress size. She would not take off her pants or hat. The woman at the bridal shop took me aside and said you NEED to have her take the hat and jeans off, I cant measure this. I felt the same. I said, You have to take this stuff off...this is ridiculous. She responds, I didnt shave. Now she KNEW we were going today....come prepared!!!! BM#2 came also and was trying on dresses and she wouldnt take off her jeans either...It was so strange...she had not acted like that the first day we went to try dresses.....UGH!
Fast forward to the bridal shower plans. My sister had been trying to get in touch with the girls for approx one month before she told my mom that BM#1 and #2 and been uncooperative...not answering emails or giving any responses, not looking...stating they didnt plan on contributing...etc
Another month goes by and my mom has asked my fiance to contact them and tell them they need to be involved, you dont just show up in a pretty dress and your a BM. He texts and calls, gives them my sisters email because they obviously have emails problems ( although one has an iPhone and the other is on FB every other day) They dont call. They tell my other BM ( we will cal her #3) That they dont have money to contribute whatsoever...except that they had planned to get tattoos on monday...and those are quite expensive....and they were buying tickets to a concert and tickets for cirque du soleil in april....etc etc....
So I am in Grad school. Working 2 jobs, planning this weddding...i get a call Monday am from my mom all upset bc this is driving her nuts ( my wedding is in 3 months ) and she starts to cry and i get upset becasue i am frustrated about my midterms that are due in two days and i say that is it..they are out of the wedding....
I text them both the same thing "Obviously you do not care about me, do not come to my wedding, you have done nothing but cause issues" No response for 4 days. I get two half assed texts from both ..... and find out from BM#3 that they were in AC for 3 days....guess they do have money!?
Anyways, I am pissed..i am avoiding talking to them. I do not know what to do...Fiance does not want them in wedding, along with sister, mother, sister in law...etc...and neither do i. i question whether to have them at wedding at all...
hELP how can i best explain how selfish and unsupportive they have been during this process??? Should I kick them out? Invite them to wedding? It is so hard to have a couple as friends and not favor one or the other, as i feel BM#2 would have been very supportive had it not been for BM#1 immature actions.......??????