- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
QUITE LONG BUT NEED ADVICE!
I have been having issues with 2 of my Bridesmaid or Best Man from the beginning. They are a couple and are (or were) 2 of my best friends. From the beginning, after I had asked them…BM#1 would joke around and say “oh youre getting married? ” like the first 3 times wasnt funny but tolerable…and then after then i was kind of questioning whether she had cared to be in the wedding…it came to a point when she said, “I have to miss bonnaroo for your wedding?!” (Bonnaroo is a music festival in Tennessee). So I said listen, if you do not want to be in th wedding, it won’t hurt my feelings if you back out…just tell me now before it gets too late. I really was VERY understanding at this point, wondering if she felt uncomfortable wearing a dress (as she had requested to wear a tux) She says, “oh no i do…bla bla bla” so we continue on…
Then comes the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress day, where i had made an appt for all the girls to meet (minus my sister & Maid/Matron of Honor since she was in Spain). My fiance’s sister is pregnant so i wanted her and my 3 friends to come and get an idea of what looke good on their bodies and still was within the style of my wedding. ANYWAYS, the morning of BM#1 calls me at 4:30am, drunk asking to come over…I tell her of course, what good friend wouldnt? She comes over, complaining about her gf (BM#2). I tell her she needs to do what is best for her…(they began having serious relationship issues)…She passes out because she was drunk and tired and i go for a walk at 9am with a neighbor and when I get back my fiance is home and BM#1 is gone. I ask him where she went….he says home. Our appt was for 11:30am. I had planned this for one month. She didn’t come & I had to lie about seeing her in the am because BM#2 didn’t know she was out with other ppl. AWKWARD!!!!
After 3 weeks I finally get BM#1 to come look at dresses, for a fitting so we order the right dress size. She would not take off her pants or hat. The woman at the bridal shop took me aside and said you NEED to have her take the hat and jeans off, I cant measure this. I felt the same. I said, You have to take this stuff off…this is ridiculous. She responds, I didnt shave. Now she KNEW we were going today….come prepared!!!! BM#2 came also and was trying on dresses and she wouldnt take off her jeans either…It was so strange…she had not acted like that the first day we went to try dresses…..UGH!
Fast forward to the bridal shower plans. My sister had been trying to get in touch with the girls for approx one month before she told my mom that BM#1 and #2 and been uncooperative…not answering emails or giving any responses, not looking…stating they didnt plan on contributing…etc
Another month goes by and my mom has asked my fiance to contact them and tell them they need to be involved, you dont just show up in a pretty dress and your a Bridesmaid or Best Man. He texts and calls, gives them my sisters email because they obviously have emails problems ( although one has an iPhone and the other is on FB every other day) They dont call. They tell my other Bridesmaid or Best Man ( we will cal her #3) That they dont have money to contribute whatsoever…except that they had planned to get tattoos on monday…and those are quite expensive….and they were buying tickets to a concert and tickets for cirque du soleil in april….etc etc….
So I am in Grad school. Working 2 jobs, planning this weddding…i get a call Monday am from my mom all upset bc this is driving her nuts ( my wedding is in 3 months ) and she starts to cry and i get upset becasue i am frustrated about my midterms that are due in two days and i say that is it..they are out of the wedding….
I text them both the same thing “Obviously you do not care about me, do not come to my wedding, you have done nothing but cause issues” No response for 4 days. I get two half assed texts from both ….. and find out from BM#3 that they were in AC for 3 days….guess they do have money!?
Anyways, I am pissed..i am avoiding talking to them. I do not know what to do…Fiance does not want them in wedding, along with sister, mother, sister in law…etc…and neither do i. i question whether to have them at wedding at all…
hELP how can i best explain how selfish and unsupportive they have been during this process??? Should I kick them out? Invite them to wedding? It is so hard to have a couple as friends and not favor one or the other, as i feel BM#2 would have been very supportive had it not been for BM#1 immature actions…….??????