Post # 1
Hey Hive –
Need a bit of advice.
One of my besties, who is one of my bridesmaids, was just in a very serious LT relationship. Basically, the BF was about to propose, but he would not until they moved to the same city (long-distance, too). Her BF and FI got along marvelously, but they aren’t friends on their own. However, we had asked her BF to be a GM.
What I mean is: FI met BF through my BM, but they don’t really talk that often or hang out on their own.
Very long story short, the two of them broke up. So, now we have to un-ask the guy from being a groomsman. FI and I went to the same H.S. as my BM, and we’ve all been friends for a long time. So keeping the guy instead of the girl is not an option. Also, due to their long history and emotional-ness of the breakup, keeping both is not an option.
Eek. So how do we do it? What do we say to him? Because as far as he knows, he’s still in the wedding.
Thanks! (And holy abbreviations, Batman. Sorry!)
* I wasn’t sure if I should put this under Bridesmaids or Grooms/Men, so sorry if it’s in the wrong one!
Post # 3
you’re getting married in a year? well…it’s a little late now, but this is one of the reasons that it’s a good idea to wait until 9-12 months (or less!) before to ask people to be in your wedding… (just in case anyone else reading can learn from this situation…)
so in your case…well, it is always extremely rude to “uninvite” someone to be in your wedding party, and it is definitely a sure way to end a friendship, but I suspect you won’t really care about that since he isn’t really a friend…so you are asking… how to say something that is very rude in a polite way? hm, not sure there is a good way. You might just have to call him up and say, “um… given the situation with ex-GF…we think it would be best if you were no longer in our WP. Have a nice life…” Or perhaps, if you REALLY wanted to try to be nice, you could call him up and offer him the opportunity to suggest stepping down himself, “so.. we were wondering about how you would feel still being a GM given the circumstances with ex-GF…”
Post # 4
I agree with joy2011’s suggestion of asking him how he feels about the situation. If he and your FI aren’t even really friends, and only interacted because of him dating your friend, maybe there’s nothing more he wants than to not be in this situation.
But you also said they were really serious, so is there any chance of them reconciling, especially considering your wedding is still a year away? Maybe the best thing to do now would be to let it lie, and see what the state of things is in a couple of months. Even if they don’t make up – people get a lot less emotional over things after time has passed. Of course everything is hyper-emotional now. In a year, not so much. Either way, I think it’s a decision that is best made after the storm has blown over, not while it’s still going on.
Post # 5
@missRAV: I would just forget about it, you are still a year away. Unless your FI and him talk I would just let the chips fall where they may. The guy probably wont even remember, or really care… that said I would also consider your chances of these two getting back together.
Post # 6
I thing the PP’s are right, it’s probably best to let things cool down and see where you all are in a month. If you really have to talk to this guy to uninvite him from your WP it would be best to just be honest with him, maybe he will just want a way out gracefully.
Post # 7
TO be honest I have a simialr situation:
My FI and I asked HIS BF to be a GM (He would be the Best Man if not for my FI’s brother.) So because they are best friend’s I have gotten pretty cool/close with his on again/ off again GF. During my “pre-gagment” period i talked with the GF and pretty much planned my wedding. I told her I would love for her to be a BM and we talked about how much fun it would be. Over the course of the year she and I only speak when she is crying about her BF (My FI’s GM/BF) so naturally we’re not that close anymore.
The week before my engagement they broke up and could not bare to stand in the same room next to each other (pretty immature on both of their parts.) A week AFTER my engagement my FI threw a surprise dinner for my birthday and all heel broke lose. Long story short our my FI’s BF came to the restaurant and REFUSED to come in because his ex(my intended BM was there.) I was so disappointed and hurt that they would bring their drama around and bring down my day that I made a decision (with my FI’s help of course.) I decided that even though the ex-GF was okay in my book, my FI’s BF meant more to him than she did to me. I didnt want this drama for my birthday adn I surely didnt want it for my wedding. So I sat down with her and told her how I felt. Exactly how I felt. While I did take her feelings in consideration, she understood exactly where I was coming from. Now she is no longer a bridesmaid but an honorary bridesmaid and I may ask her to read a poem at the wedding. That way if they are arguing and she decided to NOT show up at my wedding then it’s no sweat off my brow. At this moment they are back on but their relationship changes with the weather.
So I say go to the GM tell him your feelings, figure out his and go from there. And like Melanie11 says he may agree with you and want out of this situation.
SORRY FOR THE LONG RESPONSE. Hope it helps :o/
Post # 8
@red_rose: Thanks – yeah, I understand this is not a polite thing that I have to do, but unfortunately I have to take care of my best friend first, and this guy second. In our case, we’ve had a very long engagement, so getting wedding party together just kind of happened. I appreciate your suggestion of checking with him to see how he feels. I think that will help.
@GreenGables: You’re definitely right on waiting, I know he’s pretty devastated right now. My friend actually broke up with him, so giving some time would be good.
@Captain013: Thanks – Chances of them getting back together are probably pretty slim, but I guess we’ll wait and see!
@Mrs.Goguen: Thanks for the advice! Lets hope so.
@MrsDiddles: Yikes! 🙂 Well, I’m glad you got some sort of resolution. That definitely makes it more complicated with you getting close to the (ex)girlfriend. With me, it’s like we always said FI and the now ex-boyfriend would be really close if they lived in the same place, but they’re boys, so of course they don’t keep in touch or talk at all. So, loyalty is with my girl. Plus, FI was her (platonic) prom date in high school 🙂 so his loyalty is there too. Thanks!