(Closed) Kicking out Bridesmaids

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Okey dokey…so we’re a month away from the wedding and all hell has broken loose, you already know what a faux paux it is to “kick bridesmaids out of your wedding party” but your just so sick of all this garbage that you feel there is no other way, my only question for you is what benefit do you stand to gain from doing so?  It sounds like the dresses and shoes have already been bought, the hotel rooms reserved, your bachelorette party has/is going to happen soon?  If they are in fact this terrible and you have sincerely tried to talk to them about what exactly their reasons are for being so contrary without any solution…what do you gain from excluding them now? 

I guess my suggestion would be to take a moment and consider what your motives are, if you want to simplify things, and feel that these two ladies only add to the stress of an already difficult time in your life, I would by all means sit down and tell them how your feeling, if you want to kick them out because you are angry and hurt, and want to find a way to upset and embarass them, I do not believe this is a course of action worth pursuing.  It will only cast you in a bad light and create more of a problem, which no one really needs a month from their wedding day. 

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Sammy86:  BMs should be supportive. Evven the other memebers of the bridal party are frustrated they are not pulling their weight. At this point, let them go. You might have to find another flowergirl, but so be it.

Google “Flower girl dress for less”. I got my FG dresses, which were wonderful, in under 7 days.

I’ve been in 3 weddings. I didn’t care for the color of some nor the cut of the dress in others, but I loved my friend enough to suck it up and look pretty on HER day.

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

PS-What you “gain” at this point in not having to look at them forever in your wedding photos. If you are prepared for the backlash and end of friendships, go for it.

Post # 6
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you are ready to end the friendships forever, then clearly we can’t stop you.

I would hesitate for a moment, though.  It is very rare for brides to want to kick out their entire bridal party.  I’m wondering if perhaps your expectations of them were unrealistic.  While it is nice to have group dress fittings and outings, showers, bachelorettes, etc, none of those are requirements to be a part of a bridal party.  The parties are gifts from them to you, the outings are perks.  I’m not sure what “expectations” you outlined in the email, but if it was anything other than buy the dress and show up, perhaps they weren’t too happy with you as a bride.

About the dresses: You did originally say they could pick out their own dress, and it sounds like your mind changed a few times.  Perhaps they found that frustrating.

About the hotel: You did say that it was the only hotel in the area, so how could they have chosen another one?  They really could have kept their mouths shut.

The MOH is within her rights to get her dress fitted wherever she can afford, it does not need to be the same place as everyone else as long as she has the agreed-upon dress.

Before you do anything rash, just think to yourself if you truly want all of these friendships to end.  This means you won’t have anyone (?) standing up at the wedding.  If people ask you what happened, and you say you kicked out all the bridesmaids, you will end up looking poorly.

I’m not saying this to be mean to you, but to keep you from doing something you might regret.

Post # 7
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@LuvMySailor:  Regardless of her reasons or justification, handled incorrectly this entire thing could blow up in her face and cause even more problems for her, which I don’t think anyone wants….I’m sad her ladies fell short, and I just don’t want her to deal with any more garbage…she’s so close!

Post # 8
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is the reason why I didn’t have ANY BRIDESMAID…is full of drama one way or the other. I just have a MOH that’s it 🙂

Post # 9
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Nessa2012:  I’m with you lady, I didn’t mess around with this stuff either!  It rarely works out.

Post # 10
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I almost asked one of my BMs to step down, and I’m glad I didn’t.  Would I have preferred that she didn’t make my life hell for 9 months?  You bet.  BUT –

1) it would have hurt her so much.   Even if we’re not friends after, I didn’t want to exclude/reject her like that.

2)  I would have been thinking about this sad thing on my wedding day – better to be annoyed than sad/guilty.  Also, she didn’t act up at the actual wedding, maybe they’ll be fine when the time comes.

3)  It takes two (or in this case, three!) – no matter how egregious one party is, you can bet that you have done at least one thing to add to the sitch, if not more.  What if you really have been crazy without realizing it and then you dump them on top of it?

Just some food for thought.  If you can stick it out, then go for it.  Ask you BM to run interference for you and not to tell you anything negative they say.  Let them know you are at the breaking point with wedding planning, and if they need to complain / get help to go to her. 

Post # 11
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Nona99:  Good point. I just don’t want them to cause her more drama before the wedding. What else would they do on the day of the wedding, at the rehersal? I guess I just don’t trust people

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I really dont see anything major here that justifies kicking them out. it is to be expected that there will be some form or disagreements when trying to coordinate the outfits for 5 different people. Things like bach parties etc will really  not mean much to you in a year or two, so its not worth losing a friendship over

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