Makeup artist contract - signing before the trial?
more by redherring
Cost of all-inclusive Caribbean honeymoon
It's killing me - to invite co-workers or not?? LONG but please help.
more in Etiquette
Recipes and Dessert instead of gift?
Staying patient?
more in Boards
Just got Formspring! Ask away!

Kid free ... except an infant?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • 1 Members Subscribed To Topic
  • poll: Invite the infant to an otherwise child-free wedding?
    Let him come. The other parents are unlikely to complain since he's an infant. : (17 votes)
    57 %
    Let him come. Who cares if anyone complains - it's your wedding. : (8 votes)
    27 %
    Don't invite him, realizing that this guarantees his mom won't attend, either. : (4 votes)
    13 %
    Some other option in the comments. (Note: the parents are unwilling to use a babysitter.) : (1 votes)
    3 %
  •  
    1.
    Hostess
    1,993 posts
    Buzzing bee
    redherring    September 11, 2010   Pittsburgh, PA

    One of the first things my fiance and I decided about our wedding is that it's not going to be child-friendly. Our friends like to drink and party, and our youngest guest will be my 15-year-old niece. And then, we found out that my bridesman's wife is pregnant and due to have their second child next month, making the little one 4 months old at the time of our wedding.

    Their older son is 5 and will do perfectly well staying with grandma for the weekend. (They're traveling from MN to PA for the wedding.) However, there's no realistic way for his wife to attend if she has to leave the infant in MN. I don't feel right telling someone in our wedding party to leave their spouse at home (and I really like his wife and want to see her!). However, my fiance is worried that if we allow an infant to attend, it will open the floodgates for other people to complain about their children not being invited.

    Personally, I see a strong difference between "no children" and "no children including infants". With infants, they're basically attached to their mom and highly unlikely to run around, getting into trouble. And with the child in question, if he gets at all finicky, his mom is more than intelligent enough to take him aside and soothe him.

    Help. What should I do?

     
    2.
    Member Icon
    2,896 posts
    Sugar bee
    beekiss2      

    Definitely let him come, it's at your discretion!  Furthermore, I doubt anyone will bat an eye unless the infant is crying and I'm sure it'll be sleeping most of the time anyways.

     
    3.
    Member
    477 posts
    Helper bee
    michelle86    April 17, 2010   Saint Paul, Minnesota

    If you're okay with him being there, then let him come it's your wedding and you get to decide who can come, otherwise, why don't you talk to your friend about your policy.  They may have another idea.

     
    4.
    Bee
    8,645 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    cardigan    January 7, 2011   Austin, TX

    I vote let him come! Most people won't care since he is an infant. If there are any people that care, I feel like that's not a big deal. You're doing what's best for that family, and the other people can just get over it. :)

     
    5.
    Member
    1,051 posts
    Bumble bee
    ms.pascua    June 25, 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    Definitely let him come...4 month old infants are usually working through the sitting up stage, let along crawl.  He's basically an appendage to his mother, & she'll be leaving periodically (with or without him) if she's breast feeding in order to pump or feed.  Just make sure to reserve her a seat near an exit if he gets fussy or unwelcomely noisy & make sure that your venue has a place for her to feed & change him where it will be least obstructive to the rest of the guests.

    Especially let him come if you like his mom & want her to show up.

     
    6.
    Member
    3,340 posts
    Sugar bee
    Melissabegins    December 12, 2009  

    tiny quiet little babies are ok - now, it's the 2-10 year olds that you should watch out for. they're sneaky!

     
    7.
    Member
    797 posts
    Busy bee
    sboston06    October 10, 2010   Boston area

    I voted to let him come.  We are also having a child-free wedding (no one under 20).  But if a close friend needed to bring an infant or not go, I'd much rather her bring the infant.  It won't be any additional cost to you, and she'll probably end up leaving early anyways.  I think the other parents should know the difference between a 5 year old child and a breastfeeding (or otherwise) infant.

     
    8.
    Member Icon
    382 posts
    Helper bee
    di5308    January 1, 2000  

    I'd definitely let him come. It's unreasonable, even at a kid free wedding, to expect new moms to leave their infants home. Especially if it is out of town. I'm sure they'll be grateful for your understanding, and will be considerate if the baby is crying during the ceremony.

     
    9.
    Member
    4,199 posts
    Honey bee
    KLP2010    October 30, 2010  

    We are doing a no kids wedding. We will have the flower girls and ring bearers... and allow nursing infants.... ONLY! Not toddlers, just nursing infants.

    Infants realistically CANT be left alone. Sure, you can pump or what not, but the only real infants that will be around will be 1st babies.. lol. I do not expect a mother who needs to pump or feed for her own comfort to NOT bring their baby.

    If anyone has an issue with that, they can take it up with me! :-)

    In fact, we just found out that one of FI's friends (barely missed the GM cut :-) and his wife are pregnant! They had a miscarriage about a year ago and it's been really hard on them, but they took a trip to St. Lucia to get their relationship back.. and well... Baby came with! They are due 1 month before our wedding! We can't wait to have their baby there.

     
    10.
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    hopewell    July 31, 2010   Baltimore, Maryland

    Parents are the ones who know best the difference between a kid and an infant.  They should understand.  And you're already drawing a line between kid and teenager, so it makes sense to further delineate and allow infants.  People who complain at that will be complaining at anything you do, even if you allow their kids (oh, Jimmy's so bored, you didn't provide the right toys, etc).  What I am going to do is mention to the few parents that are coming that "I'm glad I don't even have to worry about you letting your kid disrupt the ceremony, I'm lucky to have such considerate friends" or something like that. 

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now »

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    Lyndzo 52
    Brielle 41
    mypinkshoes 34
    his chippymunk 32
    Cady 32
    fivemonthsnotice 32
    TheLionQueen 31
    AshleyR83 30
    This Time Round 30
    ndreighton 27

    Etiquette

    User Posts Today
    violet25 16
    andielovesj 8
    lawgirl12 6
    Brielle 6
    teabiscuit 6
    Steph18 5
    KatyElle 4
    Cady 4
    Miss T-Rex 4
    keepsmiling19 3
    More