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Maybe think about why being a 'young' mum is so important to you. Come up with a list of pros and cons, dec ide what your pririties are in terms of teh way you envision yourself and then make your decision based on that, Truthfully if you are just starting a business, I'm not sure why waiting a year to get established would make a big difference.
Well I'm almost finished with my first year and it will probably take several before I'm where I want to be...:( I worry I should wait, but then I worry if I do wait, I'll be waiting forever.
i don't understand the whole "young mom" thing. Is it because you want to be finished and enjoy your late 40's? you think you won't have enough stamina? I agree with PP. List out your reasons and then decide.
As someone who had a baby this year (EDIT)waiting a year to get established IS a good idea. You are going to need time off for maternity leave, and not to mention up all night and exhausted all day. having a child is a huge, life altering, bring you to your knees kind of adjustment and it needs to be your primary focus if you are in the position to plan ahead.
I'm 34. DH and I are very well off financially, and have a lot of extras, and it is STILL hard and exhausting. it isn't like babysitting your nephew or something. You are taking care of the child 24/7 for the rest of your life. I know you know this, but until you have one, you don't really know.
And also-pregnancy will rock you. The first trimester blows and you are going to want to throw up and nap often. Which doesn't mix well with starting a new business. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but wanting to be a young mom just isn't enough of a reason to have a baby if you are doubtful
@flamingred: Why is it so hard to understand wanting to be a young mom? Several 30 something moms I know in real life (off the internet lol) told me they wish they'd done it sooner in their 20s when they had the energy to be up all night. I really want to be young enough to see my grandkids grow up and get married one day (if I have grandkids). My mom was around my age when she adopted me and I don't feel like I'm all that young. I don't want to wait until I'm in my 30s to have kids. I'd rather have them young and then move to the next stage of life in my 40's.
I also know other photographers who have been pregnant recently so I could work it out...I didn't mention I work full time during the week so I will have maternity pay from that while I'm recovering. We have talked about me leaving my full time corporate job after I finish maternity leave so I can run my business from home and be there for our baby.
This is really depressing ugh. I guess I was hoping there were others in the same boat as me.
I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm 25 and hubs is 27. We live in a super expensive area and know that I wouldn't be able to stay at home here. So, for us to have a baby, we have to move. That's fine on its own. Hubs has a job he absolutely loves... and has the opportunity to seriously profit from in the next few years. I would love to be a young mom, too, and I feel that clock is ticking fast-- but it's just not the right time for us. We could support a baby now, but I want to stay home for 3-4 years and I want to own our home. So... we're revisiting this conversation in 2-3 years.
If oops happens, we'd be thrilled, though.
I don't have kids but I have a lot of friends who had oops babies young (or sometimes planned ones!) and most of them are continuing their career path, although theirs is more structured (like going to school/becoming a radiation tech, vs you starting your own business which takes more time). I don't think your kid needs a house with a yard, or that it will necessarily ruin your business, and I'm always surprised when people feel guilty for that because so many happy healthy kids are raised in apartments! I DO think, like PPs, you should just evaluate why exactly you want a baby right now vs. the physical and emotional toll it will take on you, keeping your budding career in mind. Then make a plan and go for it - just be prepared for the effort it will take to balance it all :)
@kate169: We aren't yet to the stage of TTC, heck, we aren't even married yet! But I do understand your desire to be a young mom. I had my daughter at 20, and I if FI and I decide to have more, it'll be in the next few years. I don't want to have kids after I'm 30.
Is waiting 7 months going to make you more stable then you are now? Is waiting 12? Will you be more financially stable then? A yard is not a requirement to have a child. Sure it's great to have one, but it'll be a few years before they would even be able to enjoy it. Until then? There's the park and lots of other outside places to enjoy that you don't have to own. Just an idea to think about.
@Ms. Gremmlin: I secretly hope for an accident but I know things happen for a reason and everything will work out the way it should.
@MrsWrangler: Lol I think the house guilt is because I was raised in a house...but I think we did live in an apartment for a short time when I was 4...can't remember.
@kate169: Yeah I was born into an apartment on a military base buuuut all of my childhood memories are in rented houses. But really, how much space does a kid need? I lived in houses with pools, houses without pools, houses with lots of space in the backyard and fences and houses without. It was all the same to me, if we didn't have a house we could play at we went to the park, the community pool, or a friend's! :) Plus the kids in my apartment complex have a grand time in our community areas judging by the amount of noise they make haha
@MrsWrangler: Hahaha the ones next to us are the same way. I mean I guess its true babies dont need that much room to begin with.
@kate169: it's hard for me to understand because it isn't something I ever thought about. I was't insulting you or anything. I hope you don't think that.
@flamingred: Sorry for being defensive
. I think I just took what you said the wrong way because I'm sensitive today...
Unrelated side note: I just noticed prior to this exact post we have the same post count! 1904! How weird is that?
@kate169: That is funny. Although I started posting in 2008 when I was engaged. I don't post that much even though I feel like I do!
I don't understand the wanting to be a young mom thing either to be honest. I'm pregnant with my first at 34 and except for the fact that I'm probably going to have kids closer in age than I would have wanted (we want to have 2), I don't regret waiting at all. Maybe your friends that are the same age have kids but none of mine were even married at 25 let alone thinking of settling down. To me your 20s is the time to be selfish and enjoy not having anyone to take care of but yourself. Once you are a parent, that all changes and it's not about you anymore. I just feel like you will be a mom for the rest of your life- you are only young once. Both my husband and I both feel like because we were able to have that time for ourselves, we don't feel like we'll be missing out on anything when we are at home with our son.
@kate169: I hate to keep harping on about the young mum thing, but how does waiting a year or two preclude you from seeing your grandchildren get married? I just don't get that at all. The way I see it, having a kid now or 5 years from now is unlikely to make a big difference to that sort of thing.
If you asked my mother she would tell you to have a baby when you are ready and the rest will fall into place. My parents had children young (started at 22) in an apartment, bought a house by the time the 2nd child was 6 months and by the time both kids were in school they were in a great finacial place. So it's doable but really really hard. Are you both willing to give it everything you have.
What does your husband have to say about this? Can his salary support you and the baby? Is he willing to get a 2nd job to ensure that everyone's needs are met? This is really a joint decision because I think it would be impossible to have a corporate job and start a busy all while having an infant. So you would essenitaly needed to leave your job and work on building your company. Can you afford that?
I don't think there is an issue with hiring a pregnant person. I had two pregnant people for vendors at my wedding. And I wouldn't worry so much about the apartment as long as you could see a game plan for getting out. Example is if your DH could support everyone and the money you made from your business would go into a house fund.
@kate169- I know a lot of bees are asking why you want to be a young mom. But from your story it seems as though you enjoyed having a young mom. I know I did and I want to be that active and involved when I have children.
@dookie32: @plantains: Where I live most people are getting married in their early 20s, right out of college. Most of the people I know are either TTC, thinking about TTC, or are also not married. I don't live in a particularly small town, but it is very strange to wait until you are in your 30s/mid 30s to have kids here. I only know a couple people who waited that late and both waited because they were not married until 30. Maybe that helps explain it?
Other than that it's really hard for me to put into words exactly why I want to be a young mom...I see what you are saying about five years or so not making a difference but at the same time I would really like my kids to be friends with my friends kids (which they could if they are a year or two apart, not so much if theres five years), and for them to have close relationships with their cousins the way I did growing up (I am the same age as my closest cousin). I also would really like my grandma to get to play a part in my child's age and I don't know how long I can wait before she is no longer able to really participate.
@kate169: I totally understand your desire to be a young mom. I get the grandparents thing because all of my grandparents had passed away by the time I got married. I'm 25 and DH is 28 and while I would love to have a baby right now, DH is nowhere near ready. We will probably be waiting about 3 years before TTC which will make me 28/29 by the time we have a baby. This seems like the perfect age to me. By 29 I will have been able to "experience/enjoy my 20s" but also still feel somewhat young.
I dont think that having a house or tons of money or the perfect situation is going to make having kids any easier. I think that it is what you make of it. Many families live in apartments, especially when baby is still young. I would just do what feels right for you and your husband, whatever that may be.
LOL @ some of these posts. You aren't a dead person in your 30's! I feel and look way better than I did when I was 25. not saying that is the same for everyone, but sheesh! Although-I remember being 25 and thinking 30 was dead, so I guess I can relate. Even though now that thought process annoys me. 
Because I'm jealous that you are 25. haha.
Flaming, I was just thinking the same thing. I am 32 and have a 2 month old...and I get what some are saying about having more "energy" to parent in their twenties.....but honestly? I don't care HOW young you are, you will still be exhausted when you have a baby! If having babies in your twenties works for you, go for it! When I was in my twenties, I was way too self absorbed and selfish to even want kids. Now, as an "old" mom, I'm content knowing I got a lot of stuff "out of my system" before being a parent. Flaming red is right...the experience brings you to your knees (and often brings you to madness too!)
No offense to anyone, but I didn't mean to make this a debate about parenting age...being young parents is something my husband and I have talked about and decided is right for us (he has always said he wants kids before he's 30). That's our personal choice, and by no means did I mean to bash anyone or insinuate you are ancient if you decide to wait to become a parent. Just sharing my fears about how life may or may not pan out the way I wanted it to and how scary it is to decide when to TTC.
P.S. I don't consider moms in their 30's old...now if we want to talk old parents, we can discuss the TLC special 60 and pregnant...those ladies are legit old moms!
I feel like I'm reading my own story here! I'll be 25 in a month, DH is 26. We live in a 1,000 square foot townhouse. I'm still in graduate school, so we are not stable enough financially. And we really, really want a baby. We've been together 9 1/2 years, married 2 1/2 years.
I also get the young mom thing, but that's because I would like to space ours out. DH has 20 years between him and his baby brother. My oldest sister is 16 years older than me. Both of our sets of parents started their families before they were 25.
This waiting is very hard. We're trying to come up with anything we can to save money. I clip coupons like crazy, and we're working 4 jobs between the two of us.
I completely understand. I am 23 and want to be a mom so badly. That said, we are nowhere near financially ready to take care of a child, so we will be waiting a few years.
Someone once said to me that if you're waiting to be 100% financially stable and emotionally ready, you'll finally realize you're a human and you'll be 85 without kids. ;) Hehe. I don't think the lack of a house or a huge savings account should necessarily stop you.
However, a brand new business is going to take a lot out of you. If the main reason you want to TTC soon is because you want to be a young mom, I would wait a little while and figure your career and your life in general out first. My parents were both 32 when they had me, and they don't seem ancient to me now that they are in their 30s! In fact, they are two of my best friends.
This is your decision and no one can tell you what to do; it has to be a mutual decision between you and the hubs, but do know that your biological clock is definitely not ticking too fast right now. You can definitely afford to wait. :)
I didn't read all the comments, but I just want to throw in that if you keep waiting for the "perfect" time, it'll never happen. There's always something that will not be good enough because you want the best for your (future) children. We have 3 children and while we are not anywhere near where I wanted to be at this stage in my life, my kids are happy, properly fed and clothed. Everything else is an extra but not required to be a good parent. :)
I'm a "young mom" and am now expecting my 2nd,DH's 1st, and I'm still "young"... I'll be 26 & DH will be 22 when baby gets here.
I LOVE that my parents are young enough to still WANT to take DS overnight & for vacation, etc. And, I still have grandparents alive too and they all love being able to have "great" grandchildren. that is really important to me.. along with being able to enjoy my husband again after the kiddos are grown... I don't want to be retired at their high school granduation still getting them through college wondering if I'm ever gonna get grandkids. lol
I would never really make my "baby making" decision on where we could/would be financially in x years. I just don't find it to be THAT important (pus things change). Some of the best memories I had as a children were BEFORE my parents were financially "flourishing" from my mom's business. For me, if you can pay your bills and still eat out regularly then you have enough to have a baby.... sheesh, when I was "surprised" with DS I had ALOT less than that and still managed to make things work (really it wasn't that stressful or that hard... just had to be "smarter" about where my money went). lol I've known families that "waited" and then one of them got injured or laid off or something else.. what, were they supposed to give the kid back b/c now they weren't financially prepared? Of course not... you just make your family work in your situation.
We currently live in a apt/townhouse and it will probably be a long time coming before we'd be ready to get a house (I'm not niave to the work it takes being a homeowner and rather like someone else paying for & coming to change my filters, lightbulbs, etc.. lol) The only thing that kinda makes me wish we had a house if the fact I'm having a homebirth and it would be nice to be able to say "I had you right over there.." Otherwise we could move from this city in the next 5-10 years so it's no biggie.
What was important to us was that we were both ready to take on loving another child.... because if we weren't ready to give even MORE of ourselves THEN it would be appropriate to wait. If you and your DH are ready to love a child, have less of each other to yourselves, and be the most important "team" you'll EVER be... then I say go for it.
As another poster already said.... everything kind of has a way of falling into place.
i know how you feel!!! i am 24 and dh is 26 .... i feel like i will regret not having kids in my 20's... we own our home (which is a small 1200 sq ft 2 bedroom ranch) but we go on vaca alot and do lots of fun stuff..... so i feel like baby would change things alot.... no more fun stuff i guess. im stilll torn even though we are ttc right now. i know i will be soooo excited if i get preggers.... and i know alot will change... i think im ready.... but i could always be more ready i spose. if that makes any sense lol
@amnystik: This is such a great, positive way to look at things and you explained the desire to be a young mom a lot better than I did!
@amnystik: Well said!
DH and I are 22/23 and we're going to start TTC in April. In my area, a lot of women get married and have children in their early-mid 20's as well. I've had some issues with certain friends (who are not married/ready for kids) trying to discourage me from having children now. DH and I have put a lot of thought into this...it wasn't a split-second decision at all. People have different opinions, different ways of thinking, and different timelines for life. That's what makes us all unique and happy in our own way.
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Sorry guys…I’m sure I seem like a broken record as far as this whole baby thing goes. I have ridiculous baby fever and it just won’t go away. I really want to be a “young” mom (I’ll be 25 soon, husband is 26) but at the same time I’m worried we aren’t ready and that having a baby is really selfish.
I’m in my first year of business as a wedding photographer, we have been married for 7 months, and we live in a 2 bedroom 1000sq ft apartment. My main fears are: People won’t hire a pregnant photographer and it will ruin my budding business, we don’t own a house with a yard to raise our son or daughter in, and we are not where we need to be financially.
We aren’t planning on considering TTC til August but I’m just scared and worried. I want to give our future child an amazing life and am afraid we are being selfish by trying to have a baby this year instead of waiting a few more years but I don’t want to wait :( UGH. Part of me is secretly jealous of people who get pregnant on accident. I feel like deciding when the right time is is so stressful. If we got pregnant by accident we would find a way to make it work. But choosing to actively TTC is scary.
Anyone else feel like this?