Post # 1
To preface a little – my FSIL is very… dramatic. I can’t think of a better word to describe her. Plus, she’s kind of an annoying person when it comes to her kids. I have been working 12+ hour days, plus planning the wedding yet I don’t know tired because I don’t have kids, she’s one of those people.
Our wedding is out of town (semi-destination) and FSIL, her husband and two kids are flying in for it. They will be staying for 3 nights. The wedding is Sunday, so Saturday night we made reservations at a restaurant and told everyone they are welcome to join, but no pressure. So far everyone who will be in town Saturday night will be at this dinner, with the exception of FSIL and her family. Apparently, the kids (aged 3 & almost 6) cannot sit in a restaurant for two nights in a row (our wedding reception is in a restaurant).
Is this normal? Can kids really not sit in a restaurant for two nights in a row? I grew up in a huge family and my parents were pretty strict, especially in public, so this is something that’s a little new to me.
My fiancé is annoyed. He thinks it’s an excuse because we didn’t pick her favourite restaurant (not the kind of place we want for that night) and because she’s mad that we’re not having a dance for the kids at the wedding reception and we’re not having a rehearsal, he thinks she’s just being awkward.
I’m trying not to judge, we don’t have kids and are rarely around kids so maybe we just don’t know any better – I’m generally curious about this and what other people (especially parents) think about it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
It’s hard to say. Three year olds DON’T love sitting, so it means one of the parents will be chasing him or her around the whole time. Personally, as a host, I might not mind if they didn’t come. (But that’s just me– kids in restaurants are my totally irrational pet peeve.)
No possibility of a babysitter? I know it’s a destination, but maybe another guest has a 14-yr-old that could make a few bucks?
Post # 4
@orchidaloha: Frankly, I’d be happy they were keeping the kids away if they can’t act right. Maybe you can talk to your brother/BIL and ask him to come solo?
Post # 5
Oh trust me, we’re fine with them not coming! Lol. It just seemed a little odd to say that… but there was also a dig in there about how we decided to not have a dance at the reception so the kids can burn off their energy.
If they wanted to hire a babysitter, they definitely could, there’s not a chance we would do it for them. I don’t think they would though, she’s pretty controlling with the kids. They are the only kids at the wedding, no teenagers or anything.
I was just generally curious! My fiancé is too.
Post # 6
@orchidaloha: Honestly, as someone who isn’t a fan of small children, I’d be relieved they were electing not to come.
As far as sitting still goes: the 6 year old might be fine; the 3 year old, possibly not so much. Long dinners are not fun for small children; IMO it isn’t a reflection of them or their parents if they get restless and fidgety. I would sooner parents acknowledge that and avoid creating a situation in which other diners are incovenienced/annoyed by their child’s behaviour.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
@orchidaloha: lol, I love that they want a dance party for their two kids. Enjoy the night without them! 😀
Post # 8
Oh freaking please. So sick of parents trying to pass off their lack of discipline on “kids being kids” How do the kids sit at school/kindergarten? Two days in row right? Will they be restless probably, but my kids wouldn’t dictate to me what social events they can and can’t go to. Good riddance I say.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It really depends on the kids, particularly the 3 year old. My nephew is fine. Give him an iPhone with Dino Dan playing, and you are golden. My friend’s 3 year old cannot sit still to save his life. Two different kids, two different ways it could go. It also depends on the time of day. Even at age 6, DS was going to bed at 7:45-8pm. So evening activities like dinner were toughy because he was getting tired at that point in time.
Post # 10
I would secretly be happy that the kids would not be attending the dinner though.
Post # 11
As a parent of a 3 yr old and a 16 month old i’d say that it depends on the kids.
Mine are well behaved in this kind of social situation because we take them out to resturants etc to eat and they’re included when we have family celebrations in the kind of places that we wouldn’t normally take kids to. Also, we take toys/my tablet/books along with us to ensure that they have something to entertain themselves with without running around the place which is dangerous. On the flip side, we do have friends with kids of a similar age who cannot be taken out to eat as they don’t sit still no matter what kind of entertainment is provided…whether this is because they’re not used to visiting ‘non kiddy’ places or not, i don’t know.
I will say however, that we probably wouldn’t do 2 sitting still nights in a run, especially if they were going to be late nights as they do get bored and need to run some energy off. At least if they’re not attending the night before, they won’t be over-tired and cranky on your big day 😉
Post # 12
@orchidaloha: What they are saying I think makes sense… my son is 5 now so would be ok so I persume the 6 year old would too but the 3 year old thats another story….
Whenever my son was younger and we would have plans the next day, the night before was extremely important in controlling what sort of mood he would be in… if he got to bed in good time and had a relaxing evening then the next day he would be fine but a late night and a more hectic evening and he could be a bit moody.
I presume that you will be eating until lateish and there will be quite a few people there and its obviously not part of the three year olds usual routine? then yes I would agree with her decision
Post # 13
@orchidaloha: It depends on the kid and how old the kid is…. and how long you will be at the restaurant. If your reception is at a restaurant, I’m guessing quite a long time, and many young kids just can’t be still, polite, and quiet for that long without someone paying attention to them and distracting/entertaining them. So, the parents probably just don’t want to have to be a babysitter like that for two nights in a row, and would rather relax. It’s too bad they don’t have a babysitter to stay with the children at least one of the nights so they can have child-free fun. 3 yrs old is pretty young to be out at a nice restraurant two evenings in a row, and one that will be a long evening… it is just asking for a temper tantrum!
Post # 14
@orchidaloha: I think you may be overreacting. There is a much better chance of the children behaving well at your wedding, if they don’t have to attend public functions two nights in a row.
Post # 15
@orchidaloha: I don’t think you can expect much in the way of reasonable behavior from someone so self-involved and deranged they think you need to turn your reception into romper room. Sounds like SIL needs a job or some other outside interests.
Post # 16
The six year old yes, but the 3 year old- maybe not. I have a daughter who we just can’t go out with right now- its not fair to other restaurant patrons. sounds like it’s better they are not coming anyway.