Kids at an Adults Only Wedding

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

FBIL is doing this for their wedding. They’re not even allowing the children in the wedding to be at the reception. <–This is what is causing the most problems. They want a nephew as ring bearer to be there from out of state with his parents but then he is not allowed at the reception. Well where is the kid supposed to go? There’s no one to watch him. They’re thinking if they do this that one of them will have to miss the reception to stay at the hotel with their kid.

However, since you’re not doing that I think people will be (hopefully) understanding. In our case everyone is having to travel from out of state for FBIL’s wedding. Most of his other family members are already starting to make arrangements for someone to stay with their children while they’re gone. Everyone has been very understanding. It is not that uncommon for people to have an adult only reception.

Post # 4
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@ChantelleC90:  I’m worried about this myself.  Many of our 120 guests have multiple kids, and we figured out that if we invited every child, there would be 30 some kids there.  Due to financial constraints, we made the decision for it to be adults only.  Our wedding is in March, so we haven’t sent out invitations yet.  A few of the guests know about our adults only reception through word of mouth and haven’t seem to have any issues with it.  My BIL, who is not well liked by my family, told me that if his children aren’t invited (my nephews), he’s not coming.  I honestly thought most people would like a night out away from the kids where they can drink, have a good time, and not worry about them…but I guess some people don’t think that way.  Like you said, this is your decision.  So far, though, I haven’t had much backlash.

Post # 5
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have received zero grief for my child free wedding. 4 kids are in the wedding and 4 kids will be picked up before the reception!

I really don’t see what all the fuss is about with a child free wedding.

Couples go on vacation without their children, I think they will be fine going to a wedding without their child and having a babysitter/family member watch them at home.

Post # 6
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

As long as you’re prepared for some people to decline then go ahead.

Post # 7
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Only family kids are invited and we cut it off at 8-years-old. Two cousins seem annoyed because they wanted the entire family to meet their newest addition. Our family has a reunion ever summer. They can debut the baby 3 weeks earlier at that child friendly function.

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You want 1/3 of your guests to attend a DW without their kids?

I would have to decline that invite. Wherewould I put my kids? Leave them in the hotel room?

Post # 9
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ChantelleC90:  I think you ar entitled to do what you want, but just a heads up:  it might be harder for those who have to travel and have kids to make arrangements.  Not everyone can afford an overnight sitter for multiple nights, not everyone has family that can come in an volunteer.  And not everyone wants to be away from thier young children.  So don’t be offended if those who have to travel (who have children) decide not to come.

Post # 10
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Ms_Purple: EDIT:  It’s a friend’s wedding, not FBIL– I got both of your wedding stories mixed up LOL 🙂 Ouch- that’s is seriously not cool that FBIL wants a kid to be there only for the ceremony and not the reception.  If my son was asked to be the ringbearer, AND we were traveling for the wedding- in that scenario, I’d likely decline.  Not everyone is comfortable using a stranger for a sitter- and how rude that you’d expect that the ringbearer’s parents PAY for a sitter while they’ve already PAID to travel to the wedding.  It’s also rude if they expect that one of the parents skip the reception or even tag-team.  To be, that’s the epitome of being a bridezilla/groomzilla LOL

 

Post # 11
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You provide licensed childcare for your out of town guests, in my opinion. Hopefully on site, if there is a private room, or at a nearby hotel.

Post # 12
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Artificial-Sweetener:  After reading so many different posts about child-free weddings– it seems to be the most problems stem from:  parents of babies— it is not an easy thing to leave your baby with a sitter, even if it is family.  Some people just don’t like to do it.  And then it stems from family weddings:  everyone in the whole dang family is invited to the wedding, but not kids.  But some people (myself being one of those people)- don’t use anyone but family members to watch thier kids while they are younger.  I really didn’t let anyone but family start watching my son until he was 4.  Part of it was beause I preferred family to do it- and part of it was because I didn’t really need to utilize anyone but family.  We don’t do babysitters often.  So far, our son has been invited to every wedding we have, and he’s usually invited everywhere we go LOL

 

When my son was 4 months old, my cousin got married.  That cousin was from my dad’s side of the family.  The SAME day, someone on my mom’s side of the family was married.  There was no way my 4 month old would have been left with a non-family member babysitter.  I would have politely declined (but he was invited so it didn’t matter)-

 

The other place I see bride/grooms get irritated is:  they choose to have a chid-free wedding, but then are offended when guests decline the invite.  It goes both ways.  The bride and groom are allowed to have whatever kid of wedding they want.  But the parents have the right to parent how they want, as well.  As long as both sides are mutually understanding- there’s no prob.  

Thankfully, it sounds like it’s working out quite well for you!  Cheers!!

 

I just got off the phone with my mom who got a pinanta (WTF) for the kids at our wedding – Thomas the Train?  Random, but they’ll have fun!

Post # 13
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

I hope you get the support to do what you want at your own wedding. I think having a childfree reception is perfectly reasonable. I understand that not all parents want to leave their kids with someone, or that traveling might be made worse by getting a sitter, or whatever… I would certainly accept it if these parents sent their regrets. I’d love to see them there, but if they would prefer not to participate in the kind of wedding I want to have, then that’s on them.

 

I know I have my own concerns about kids at my wedding. I think we’ll have three total kids, and all of them have pretty involved parents, so I’m not too worried. But we will have a fireplace at our venue, that should be running the entire time. And we’ll have s’mores supplies out. Before we cut down our guest list, when we were looking at potentially 30 kids under 10 attending (before we made the decision to cut cousins from the guest list), I was having nightmares about a horde of unsupervised children crowding around the fire, getting burned, getting marshmallow all over their fancy clothes, chasing each other around…

 

Thing is, aside from the s’mores thing, there’s not a single kid-friendly part of my reception. It would be so boring. I feel like kids would just have no fun there anyway. (I always hated attending things like this as a kid. Sit around and try not to get in trouble while all the grown-ups catch up? Boring.) Kids who are bored are kids who get in trouble… and kids who get in trouble keep their parents from having any fun, too. So if your wedding is not expressly kid-friendly, and you foresee problems or distractions, then I think it’s perfectly acceptable to request they stay at home. It’s up to the parents whether or not they feel they can participate.

 

Post # 14
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

@MrsEME:  I had some editing issues going on! It is FBIL’s wedding. I meant to try and add another friend is also having a child free wedding, somehow my editing got all messed up. I just put it back to how it was before (I hope!).

Yes, it is a tough situation. They’re not even offering to try and help find a sitter, at least not at this point. I think someone actually suggested they fly out a friend of the family who is NOT invited to the wedding to be the baby sitter?! Bizzare. Plus at the time of the wedding the nephew in quesiotn will be 23 months old. I wonder if that’s even old enough to really be a ring bearer? We didn’t even think to ask about having him be our ring bearer because currently he is not even walking and I thought even if he is by our wedding..just seems to young.

Everyone else has older children 12+ and is leaving them in their home state with friends or family for the weekend. <–This does not seem to be a big deal at all. Everyone has been understanding.

 

Post # 16
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

Kind of in the same boat. My wedding is super small…FI’s nephews and niece (all 3 are under 5) are coming because they’re in the wedding but that’s it and they probably won’t stay the whole time because it’ll get too late for them and the venue isn’t very kid-friendly. Anyone who wishes to decline because their children aren’t allowed at my 60 person, evening wedding with candles everywhere, I totally understand and would probably even prefer it lol.

 

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