Post # 1
So my fiancé and I have a little issue. We are going to have his 2 nieces and my two nieces be flower girls and my nephew be the ring bearer in our wedding. My nieces and nephew live in Japan and I hardly ever get to see them I really want them to be at the wedding. Now here is the issue. I have a few cousins with kids who will be flying from across the country to attend the wedding and I feel that I can not exclude them from bringing their kids. Then I have a couple friends with kids who would have to fly. I also have some friends who live only a few hours drive from the wedding who will have new babies and have children as well. I can not afford to invite ALL these kids and babies nor do I even want that many of them there Even if i could afford it–it is going to be a Saturday evening wedding at a winery and I want it to be a formal, romantic affair. But we just can’t exclude our nieces and nephew. I can’t tell certain people they can bring their kids and others that they can’t. What to do??
can we explain to friends that while there will be kids there, we are limiting it to children of family only Due to budget constraints? Ugh..this is supposed to be about what we want, but I am starting to feel like its all about pleasing everyone else but ourselves.
Post # 3
There is no polite or acceptable way to do this. You will have a lot of hurt feelings if your friends or other family members, who also had to fly to get there, find out that you let some kids and not others attend. You need to make an all or nothing rule on this, or run the risk of looking like you’re picking favorites between the kids.
Post # 4
I voted for the last option. But, I think you should invite all of the kids and assume they will come. If you can’t afford it then don’t invite the kids or the parents. Less people will show up than you expect, but its unreasonable to expect parents to fly across the country without their kids.
Post # 5
Realistically, you have to decide which is more important to you, having your family and friends there, or not having kids.
Very few parents are going to fly across the country without their children. Even if they can find someone to watch the kid for the weekend, they may not want take time and resources from the children to attend a wedding.
Post # 6
To keep down confusion you can either invite kids or have NONE at all…I agree if you allow some kids but tell the general population that they can not bring their kids then it will cause a big ISSUE…What you can do if you prefer not to have the kids at ceremony and reception you can hire a “Sitter” have the children in another part of the venue (seperate room) Bring age appropriate games and activities and everyone is happy…
My last bride did this…She had 33 children present and we hired (3) sitters…It went off without a hitch, I hired the sitters from a local Day Care Center so they were background checked and the parents felt better about leaving the kids with the sitters
Post # 7
Whatever you do, can I suggest you not exclude infants under about 6 months? They’re harder to babysit (because usually they breastfeed), aren’t mobile (crawling is usually after 6 months), and won’t cost you anything to feed.
I think either (a) immediate nieces and nephews only (not cousins’ kids because you’re usually no closer to them than friends’ kids; and it’s fine to make an exception for your own nieces and nephews who you’re close to); or (b) anyone who travels can bring their kids. Many people aren’t comfortable getting a sitter they don’t know, which is what you’ve got to do when you travel.
Post # 8
“I can’t tell certain people they can bring their kids and others that they can’t. What to do??
can we explain to friends that while there will be kids there, we are limiting it to children of family only Due to budget constraints?”
You’ve actually asked, and answered your own question in the same post. Yes, it is perfectly acceptable for you to invite certain categories of children and not other categories of children. However, you should be consistent within those categories.
If you want to include all nieces and nephews and exclude the children of cousins, you may. If you want to include all children who are family, but not include the children of friends, you may do that.
Post # 9
I’m not really sure, to be honest. The youngest kid at our wedding is my niece (she’ll be 4 at the wedding), who is our flower girl. The only other “kids” are my cousin’s 13-year-old twin sons. They are coming in from Texas and I actually really want them at the wedding. That being said, we are getting married on New Year’s Eve and will be having our reception past midnight. We are keeping the room I’m staying at the night before open for my niece and the boys (who I am sure will get bored after dinner). We are lucky with our guest list. Besides these (and they are family) we only have one other guest with children. I casually informed her that we were only having an adults only reception, and she was really cool with it. I thinks he’s seeing it as a night out with her husband.
Post # 10
I agree with Brielle’s answer. Friends have no say if there are little cousins at your wedding. They are a part of the family category.
And secondly… no one is going to know their relationship to you unless they actually talk to each other. There will be so many people no one will pay attention to these little details. Kids not invited to weddings is a usual thing — at least to me — people expect it.
Post # 11
@Brielle: thanks. but what about infants? a few friends who iive a 2 1/2 hour drive away from where the wedding will be will have babies by then. another poster said not to exclude babies under 6 months because its hard to leave them with a sitter. but 1) i don’t want crying babies at my wedding, and 2) if they bring the babies then friends who have toddlers will get offended. personally, i would never bring my baby to a wedding. if i was still breast-feeding, i probably just wouldn’t go.
Post # 12
@mlleviolette: Does your venue have a cry room? Most parents are considerate and take their babies out if they make a fuss.
It would be a very stuck-up parent who got upset at seeing a nursing infant present.
EDIT: I guess it depends how important it is to have the parents there. I’ve only once had to bring one myself; as it turned out it was my own sister’s wedding and she specifically invited my daughter. No other guests complained as far as I know.
Post # 13
@paula1248: Nope, it is a completely outdoor venue. No place to go, if the kid is crying or throwing a tantrum it will be seen and heard by all. this is why i don’t want kids. there is a place for them and it is not at adult evening affairs. However, i have my brother and his family flying fom Japan to attend my wedding and they have 3 kids who will be there. And now they are going to have a newborn who will only be about 1 month old. So she will definitley be breast-feeding at the wedding.
Post # 14
@mlleviolette: I also think it’s fine for you to exempt nursing mothers if you would like to do that.
As @candydots: noted, unless guests know each other, they will have no idea whether, or how, another guest with an infant may be related to you or your FI. Also, a one-month old likely will not cry too much or too loudly.