Post # 1
I had always envisioned a wedding without kids in attendance- so imagine my surprise when I found my Fiance’s Mom’s guest list included children.
I asked about it in the most non-confrontational way possible and she said that if those kids aren’t invited, the parents will not be able to go. My fiance’s family is all from NY and our wedding is in Delaware, so they’d have to travel and stay overnight in order to attend- so they’d have to take their kids.
I understand, and that’s not a problem. BUT now the question is what we should do in regards to children of guests from my area. If I were to include all of these children, I’d have an additional 12 (at least). I’m not down with this idea. Besides, a bulk of these kids are my cousin’s children- and taking a cue from other weddings in the family- these kids were never invited.
Does anyone have a good suggestion on how to handle this? I’m adding a poll. Thanks!
Post # 3
Have the wedding YOU want to have. If you do not want kids, then no kids should be invited. You can get away with having some in your bridal party, but you cannot pick and choose. You simply leave it up to the parents if they want to travel OOT with or without their children in tow.
Post # 4
um, it’s YOUR wedding. This is just the first of MANY problems that will arise where someone else will pressure you into doing something you do not want to do. The only kids at our wedding are with OOT guests, which happen to be FI niece and nephew. They’re like 8 and 10 so there won’t be any screaming and running around going on..lol! My MOH son isn’t even coming (he’s 5) cause she wants to have a good time! I didn’t even invite my cousins because of their DEMON SPAWN, seriously. I guess I sound mean now?? HA!
There is a problem with FI boss with this. They keep asking if his kids from a previous marriage can come, who weren’t invited (obviously). We have explained 3 times now in the last 6 weeks that they are not invited to the wedding no matter how much they want to come. Sorry dude. At $60/person, I’m not adding children.
Point is, you have to put your foot down now about what you want and be very CLEAR about it. Trust me, it will not stop until the day is over (I hear) and I can tell you I’m about to rip people’s heads off if they keep it up! Good Luck!
Post # 5
We thought about this as 85% of our guest list is OOT. Ultimately, we decided to only include our nieces and my little sister. It would have been too many children and that’s just not the reception we wanted. I plan to include babysitting info on our website and the concierge at our hotel block can also assist with this if they decide to travel with their children and need a sitter while they are at the wedding.
I have also seen it suggested that you slip the babysitter info in with the invitation to those folks you think may need it.
I feel as long you give folks notice that their children will not be invited they should be able to find a sitter or make arrangements. You can do this if you send STD as well.
ETA: I have also heard of couples that provide some kind of activity for the children (clown, etc.) at the hotel that would occur at the same time as the wedding so that they are occupied. It’s a good option but not in our budget.
Post # 6
We had to exclude OOT kids. We would’ve had literally DOZENS of children at our wedding if we didn’t. We limited it to kids in the bridal party, our own neices/nephews, and I made an exception for one infant (3 months old).
We only had a handful of complaints, but honestly they weren’t people that I really cared about. They were family acquaintences from my mom’s list or cousins I haven’t seen in years. Everyone important found a way to be there, regardless of the babysitting situation. Someone once said to me: The people who complain the most about childless weddings tend to be the people whose kids are the biggest monsters (because they’re the ones who can never find a sitter). I found this to be 100% true.
If it hurts your feelings that your guests with kids can’t/ won’t attend if they have to leave them, then you can either make an exception for them or try to provide a sitter at the venue or hotel.
Post # 7
I still think that you either leave the kids at home, or you provide some sort of arranged childcare at the hotel (or wherever they’re staying).
Post # 8
We couldn’t include out OOT guest’s children because that would be about 40 kids which would be about a third of our guest list. And for me I dont’ want that many kids there. I have a feeling that one or two cousins are going to try and sneak in their kids
If you dont’ want kids stand your ground.
Post # 10
For the most part we’re not inviting kids (there are just too many in my extended family), but we’re allowing OOT guests to bring their kids. In our situation it will only result in a handful of kids anyway, probably no more than 5. I just don’t want to put anyone in the position where they’re traveling from out of state and either have to leave their kids back at home for 3-4 days or else not come at all. It’s much easier for local guests to get a babysitter for 6-8 hours.
I don’t think there’s a huge problem creating a particular kind of “cut-off” for which kids are allowed – it just gets to be a problem, and in my opinion, rude, when you decide on a case-by case basis who gets to bring their kids – i.e. some in-towners but not others, some cousins but not others, etc. Personally, I was also going to allow immediate family and wedding party to bring kids, and then I realized there are no kids in those circles. 😛 So I think it’s just OOT kids for us.