Post # 1
I just need to vent ~ I came from a family in which children were not allowed to attend weddings. Whether or not the invite said children included, only my parents went to them. Yes, we were very well-behaved but my family and parents felt that weddings were not a place for children. (I do remember going to a backyard bar-b-que wedding, but that was different!) NOW FLIP TO THE OTHER SIDE TO MY FI ‘s FAMILY ~ Children attend everything, no matter what age! MY MIL has a problem with some children not being invited. WE CAN’T INVITE EVERY CHILD, NOR DO I WANT THEM THERE! I DON’T EVEN WANT KIDS IN MY WEDDING. I have never had any issues with her up until this point…. All I hear is that “so-so is going to be so mad if they can’t bring their children”. She told me that “the kids on our side of the family were just taught to behave a wedding that is why they get invited!” I was actually offended that she said that as I took as “What my side acts like maniacs?!”I can’t pick and choose the kids I want there, that would not be fair. Um… do you remember whose wedding this is NOT YOURS! Side note: WE ARE PAYING FOR THE ENTIRE WEDDING OURSELVES!
Ok… so here is where I end up sounding like at B*^$ch. “Listen, I have spent alot of time and money on this day and the last thing I want to hear during my ceremony is a screaming child nor do I want to see kids running around. Do you have any idea how much the wedding cake costs if you kids sticks his fingers in it? I am not hiring a clown to keep your kids occupied or having chicken fingers on the menu for your kids!”
I am done venting now ~ I feel so much better! Do I sound like a b*&#h?! (probally) 🙂 Thanks for reading too!
Post # 3
Vent away, but I hope you didn’t actually say that to anyone… did you?
Post # 4
The ‘Bee is here for venting! Most of us have faced this issue.
I grew up the same way–never kids at weddings until we were teenagers. We only had our nieces/nephews, who were all in the wedding party. Otherwise if you invite one, you have to invite them all. For me, that would have been an additional 100+ people at $10 a plate for chicken fingers and $5.95 each for refreshments.
If you are paying for it, it’s your choice who you invite. When you feel calmer about it (umm..maybe not tonight?), have one more conversation with your FMIL about it letting her know politely and calmly that you respect her family’s traditions but the decision has been made and there won’t be further discussion about it. If so-and-so is mad and unable to attend, you will be sorry they won’t be there but Oh well….
Post # 5
@KatyElle: No, not exactly in those words 🙂 But I just kindly said, “We would prefer an adult only reception!”
Post # 6
@Georgia Bee: I certainly respect every families traditions. But if I did invite children that would be an extra 50 plates of food..yikes! I have to kindly say to her that we would prefer to have an adult reception. Thanks for reading 😉
Post # 7
Your fiance and you have the right to decide whether or not you want children at your wedding. Contrary to some opinions, children do not need to be at every adult social occasion.
If your guests can’t get a sitter, when they are given weeks of notice, they aren’t half trying. They also have the option to stay home if they cannot tear themselves away from their children.
And, yes, I am a mother of two children.
Post # 8
We are refusing to invite children to our wedding. Don’t get me wrong I like kids but not when I have to do extra work and pay ever for kids, also if there is alcohol at the wedding it is not really an appropriate place for children to be.
We are going to have our hands full. All my cousins on my dads side are 10 yrs to 6 months and chances are my oma will refuse to come because the children are not invited, but keep in mind, this is YOUR day, YOUR money and you only get to do it once! So put your foot down (nicely) and stick to your guns! Good luck!
Post # 9
@KatyElle: Wow, no kidding.
My question is, is an adult-only wedding something that YOU want, or something you AND your FI want? Please make sure you’ve legitimately had this conversation, and come to an actual agreement as a couple.
Post # 10
Ok now you have me thinking about kids fingers in my wedding cake and I am hyperventilating. (not literally but still…..)…. I never thought of that and I AM having family kids there and they ARE cake finger stickers and what the heck do I do???
Oy. I never even thought of that:(
Post # 11
Its your wedding, you are paying for it, its up to you who you invite. It sounds to me that having children at your wedding would be an absolute nightmare for you, and could annoy you on the day if you are forced into having the there by your inlaws.
In not inviting children you have to expect that some people will be offended. You can’t escape that. But this is your wedding and your day.
Personally i love to see children at weddings. I love to see the little boys sliding on their knees on the dancefloor, little girls twirling around etc. For me weddings are about family and friends and that includes children. There may be as many as 25 under 12s at my wedding. I’m sure there will be some chaos but i expect their parents will be respectful enough to remove a crying baby from the church / ensure no fingers go in the cake etc!
I will provide some entertainment for the children too, it keeps them occupied and happy (and out of the way!)
Post # 12
I grew up much like you. The only weddings I attended were that of close family members and normally only if I was included in the wedding. Back then no one bitched about their kids not being invited, they looked at it as a night off. I bet if you polled a group of 6-12 year olds, they’d much rather stay home with a sitter, eat pizza and watch movies than have to sit through a church service and eat whatever weird food the couple decides to serve.
It blows my mind that parents these days absolutely MUST have their children by their side or else they won’t attend. Last I checked this wasn’t their wedding so NO-ONE except for the bride and groom (and parents if they’re paying for it) gets any say in who is and isn’t invited. I hate that this is even an issue. If parents have such a problem with their kids not being invited then by all means, stay home. It’ll save me a couple bucks.
If you’re OOT then fine, I get you wanting your kids there since I’m sure most parents would prefer not to travel without their children but if you’re local and you have someone to watch your kiddos then there’s really no excuse. These parents are just trying to be difficult.
Thankfully I’ve yet to have a single person complain about our adults only wedding but then again, the invites are going out this week so I may eat my words. Even our new niece/nephew who is due to be born any day now isn’t invited to our wedding and my FBIL & FSIL are perfectly fine with it.
Post # 13
The only kids that will be invited to my wedding are from out of town…i really can’t expect my out of town guest to leave their kids behind especially if they don’t have relatives back home to watch them…now the local folks NOPE!! Not that i care about them running around, i just don’t want to pay all that extra money for food
Post # 14
I have so many friends and family that have children, and they are not invited (the kids) and my MOH has a two year and an infant and they are also not invited. She is flying in from Washington and has already set up a babysitter. My uncle is the only one upset and curious as to why his grandson (who is has custody of) can’t come. I am worried he will bring him anyway, and I will be PISSED because that kid is a three year old terror! His 11 year old son isn’t much better and he isn’t invited either. My neice 10, and FI’s niece 2, are in the wedding and leaving after the ceremony. FI’s niece will only walk down the aisle and then her father is taking her out, and my niece is leaving after the ceremony.
FI’s parents are fine with it, my mom wondered why I didn’t want them there, but she knows us and knows how we feel. I just told my mom to tell my uncle that we simply do not want children there at all. It has nothing to do with money or anything, though I don’t want to pay for them either, I just don’t want them there. FI and I are not going to have children of our own, and we got a discount from our reception venue for not having children ($300 off the cost) so that was nice 🙂
To handle the invitation thing, since it seems like people may not understand that if their names are the only ones on the envelope are the only ones invited, I will be having my RSVP cards say “we have reserved____seats for you” that way there is no mistake!
Post # 15
I am right there with you!! Luckily, we chose a venue that has a river nearby..so it gave me an easy excuse for the no kids rule 😉
Post # 16
I will absolutely not have children at my wedding. It’s an adult event and something that I want to share with my adult friends. I wouldn’t invite children to a 40th birthday party so why something as important as a wedding? My FI’s best man’s daughter will be two by the time we get married, and not even she will be allowed to come.
Unlike others here, I actually have a great dislike for children haha so it would just stress me out. It’s YOUR day, do it how YOU want.