Post # 1
Anyone else had a child or children before marriage? FH and I were together 5 years before I had my son; yet some family and friends wanted us to get married when I was pregnant. We didn’t. We wanted to wait because we were also buying a house at the time. Too much going on! Plus I didn’t want people to think we were getting married because I was pregnant and wanted more time to plan.
So, I am interested to hear; fellow mama before wife bees, what is your story?
Post # 3
There are many Momma Bees here. I’m hope they all speak up because they are so great!
Post # 4
I have a one month old son and we’re planning on getting married in 2012. Need time to save and plan. I’m Greek and my family was a little upset that we weren’t married.
He’s gonna be so cute in his lil outfit!
Post # 5
We have a 2 and half year old little girl who is our world! We’re married now but we weren’t when we had her. Nobody was too thrilled when I was pregnant at 19 let me tell ya, but it has turned out beautifully. Wouldn’t have it any other way!
Post # 6
I wish. I totally have baby-fever way more than wedding-fever. I’ve actually had baby fever for almost 3 years. We’ve been together for 8 years and are both in our late 20s so we’re ready, but we have “life circumstances” that get in the way of starting a family right now. We don’t live together because he’s helping to support his dad right now. We don’t really have the balls to intentionally stir up judgement and my family is super Catholic. We’re not getting married til 2012 because saving up for a big wedding is “the right thing to do”, but I would much rather just start with babies and worry about a wedding later.
It doesn’t help that right now is the perfect time in my career to have babies. I’m in med school, and my school is really supportive of families. Our schedules are pretty flexible and they’ll let you take time off. By the time we get married I’ll be 30 and starting residency, which is hell on earth and involves 80 hrs of work/week. I’ll be 35 when I finish residency 🙁
Sorry, this ended up being kind of a rant.
Post # 7
I have two children, one from a previous relationship and a 18 month old with my fiance, we are getting married on our 6 year anniversary and we planned to have our son( got engaged March 12,08 found out we were expecting at the beginning of April), I really don’t care what people think, to us the wedding is the formal celebration with family and friends but we are already married mentally and in spirit.
Post # 8
@TyeJRN: I feel the same way. My “dear mother” decided to tell me today she was upset when I told her I was pregnant and was not happy until my son was born. I said, we own a home, are in our late 20’s, are financially and otherwise able to provide for a child, getting married; so what does it matter? She said she did not think it was right. Um, coming from a woman who married at 18, had me younger than I had my son and was divorced within two yrs after that. And it’s not a learning through her mistakes thing. She thinks her way is better.
Post # 9
My husband and I were friends for 8 yeras and dated for 3 when we got engaged and I found out I was pregnant. Our son was born in 2008 and we just had our wedding this year. I am glad we waited and our son was able to be apart of it. We were so lucky though – both our families were so supportive!
Post # 10
My FH & I had a child together during college. We had been together for 2 years previous to the pregnancy (which was completely unplanned and came as a surprise), the reactions were certainly mixed.
There were definitely more than a few relatives (on both sides) *gun toting* (not literally) for a shotgun wedding.
My sister however, has been the biggest supporter of our decision NOT to get married until we are a)financially stable(done!) b)have bought a house and are not drowning in debt (done!) c)are absolutely positively sure that we can do the whole parenting AND life thing without killing each other (done–as we aren’t dead yet 4 years later). Any time my mother would gripe about me having child(ren) out of wedlock my sis was always quick to point out “Didn’t you have ME before you were married?” another of my favourite things she would say in our defense is
“Just because people have a child together doesn’t mean they should be together. At least __ & __ are taking the time to make an informed, mature decision. When people think of marriage in any other sense the first thing said is ‘don’t rush it’ so why should we be encouraging such impetuous behaviour now, when there is more than just two peoples relationship at risk?”— I love my sis, she is full of win 🙂
I am really glad that my FH & I took the time that we have to get our ducks in a row, both financially and emotionally. I feel like if we had buckled to the family pressure things would have gone a very different way and perhaps not as well. It took a long time for us to come to terms with the fact that not everyone would understand our unique relationship dynamic, and though it wasn’t the most ideal it did work for us, which is what counts.
Post # 11
I have a 14 month old but have quite a different situation. Hunter(now fiance) and I were together for 3 years then broke up and left it at “if we’re meant to be, it’ll work out eventually”. I met someone a month later aka rebound and got pregnant after only knowing him for 3 months. Big mistake(although i got an amazing daughter out of it). A week after i found out i was pregnant Hunter called me wanting to work things out bc he knew i was the one. He was devistated once i told him and I thought he would NEVER forgive me. So we both “moved on” i stayed with baby daddy(hate that word haha). He seemed like a great guy and i eventually thought maybeeeee he could be the one(mainly bc his parents were forcing the subject and we felt like it was the “right” thing to do). But as you know, everything is always great in the beginning! After only a couple months of being pregnant he turned into a horrible person. i broke it off and everyone was like how can you do that he seems like a great guy and your pregnant? pshhh little did they know. His parents were contacting me constantly trying to make excuses for their shitty son and asking me to work it out with him and hopefully get married blah blah. NO THANK YOU! My parents were especially supportive telling me NO and do what i feel is right. Not to let anyone pressure me. They kept me strong.
A month before my daughter was born Hunter contacted me and we began communicating again. BUT, I was still pregnant and focusing on me and the baby so there was no way we were starting anything. 3 months after Ava was born we got back together and decided shortly after that this was it. After 4 months of dating again we got engaged and he is an amazing father to my daughter 🙂
Needless to say, I’m a FIRM beleiver of “if its meant to be, it’ll happen”! and all three of us are happier than ever 🙂
Post # 12
My Guy and me had known each other for about 5 years but had only been together for about a year when I found out I was pregnant, and neither of us wanted to just get married because of the baby.
Our familes…well its not that they weren’t supportive, but my FI and I are both Catholic so there was alot of whispering and gossip. One of my Aunts has become decidely fridgid towards me, and has constanly given attitude and “looks” whenever she sees us. That really hurt I won’t lie, but it’s two years later and I have the sweetest baby boy anyone could ask for and having him brought us closer. I have no regrets at all and I can’t wait for our wedding!
Post # 13
FI has a 4 and a half year old son. It’s scary to be a stepmom, but thankfully I’ve known FSS his whole life, so it’s not a world I’m jumping into it from zero. I think there are pros and cons to our situation for the both of us, but we make it work. If we have a bad weekend with him (four year olds put you through the gears! Oh my gosh!!!), then we just hope the next one goes smoother. FI is an amazing dad and I’m so happy to get to see that side of him. It’s also shown me that neither of us are ready to be fulltime parents right now, but part time is good for us. I’m glad we didn’t rush into parenthood, I feel a lot more prepared now.
Post # 14
Its nice to see other mommy bees hehe… FI and I have a two year old son. WE have been together almost 7 years. Alway wanted to get married but didn’t let having a baby push us any faster then we wanted to go. a few people expected us to get married before the baby was born. but we didnt want to rush things and do not care.
Post # 15
Fi and I have 2 little girls 4 and almost 2! They are ADORABLE! We had our first when we were only 17 and only 3 days after high school graduation (yes I walked at graduation having contractions NOT FUN) Our familys were not happy but they did not pressure us into getting married at all.
Then we got engaged and I wanted to have baby #2 and baby #1 not be too far apart and a little over 2 years worked great for us. We are getting married now and it doesnt matter how long we waited we will both be 23 when we get married and im happy we didnt rush!
Post # 16
We’re 30 and 33 and will have our 1st baby together, due in a week. I haven’t had any bad reactions. I guess because we’re older, with jobs and a home (paid in full!) so it’s no big deal. 🙂 We’ve been together 2yrs and 9 months and plan to get married soon. Whenever he proposes. 🙂 I have had 2 guy friends ask when the wedding is, like I should hide in shame.LOL! But family has been supportive and excited for us, guess cause the know us better.