Post # 1
I just need to vent a bit. DH & I have 3 kids between the two of us. I have a 9 yr old daughter, he has an 11 yr old daughter and an 8 yr old son. My daughter lives with us full-time, but his kids only come every other weekend. However, we try to be very involved in his kids lives, activities, etc.
Anyway, DH’s ex just informed him that one of my stepdaughter’s friends moved up to middle school this year. She said that her friend is having a lot of trouble with getting bullied over her clothing. Apparently this mom also says she spoke to the school about this, and they’ve done nothing but tell her they have a zero tolerance rule for bullying.
So, DH & I are somewhat stressed, because his daughter already has issues with stress & anxiety (to the point of meds), and this is the last thing she needs when switching to a new school.
Why are kids so mean?!?
Post # 3
@soon2bS: Sorry to hear that 🙁 and what makes it worse is that the schools aren’t always as helpful as they could be. I have even seen cases where the school sides with the people doing the bullying, and the person being bullied gets expelled. It is absolutely insane and sad.
Post # 4
@soon2bS: because they are evil little trolls that are insecure about themselves. The school should be making more of an effort to eliminate the bullying. I hate to hear that they are doing nothing to stop it. If they have a zero tolerance policy then they need to do something about it.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry! I feel so bad for her!
Why are kids so mean?!?! What the h#ll is wrong with their parents?!?!?
Post # 6
ugh 🙁 I’m so sorry. Makes you wonder how those kinds of kids are treated at home. What are you guys going to do? Buy her new clothing or tell her to embrace her individuality?
Post # 7
poor girl 🙁 just be positive and encourage her. Do little things that make her feel awesome. Take her on a shopping spree perhaps so she can get some “cooler” clothes. Kids are just so damn hateful these days anyway 🙁 praying for her!
Post # 8
I part-time TA at a school and kids are honestly a product of their parents. I can’t believe some of the things that come of their mouths. I would have never imagined saying some of the things. Here are some examples from the darling 4th graders:
1) After saying no to a kid, “Well I’m just going to ask the teacher. You’re not a real teacher and you can’t tell me what to do.”
2) “I don’t like you outfit today. Your shoes don’t match that top. If I could I would turn you in to ‘What Not To Wear'”
It’s either a lack of attention; the second quote came from a girl that likes to ask me what I thought of this weeks ‘The Walking Dead’ (really she’s 10!). So many parents are afraid to say no to their kids.
Post # 9
@CEtoSAHM: We have talked several times about this. There is no way we can afford to keep up with the families at this school, and her mom definitely can’t afford it either. I have talked to her and my daughter numerous times about how there will always be people with more “stuff”, but that is not what makes a person happy.
So, we are hoping that we have instilled good values thus far. However, I am sure we’ll end up getting a handful of “cool” clothes, and hope for the best.
I really wish DH’s ex would consider moving to our town. My daughter’s school is nothing like my stepdaughter’s school and would be so much easier on everyone. :/
Post # 10
Middle school is awful. Kids are so mean at that age. If I have kids, I’d be seriously tempted to home school them grades 6-8 so they wouldn’t have to deal with it.
Post # 11
It does suck. But this is an important time to instill lifelong lessons:
1) We do not keep up with the Jones-es. Better to learn this now than as an adult (like in that crazy post in the money board yesterday!)
2) We do not judge people by their possessions (and people who do are shallow).
3) Real friends would accept you wearing a paper bag.
I think it is important to let her pick out her clothing (while still remining in your price range). That way she will have some control over the situation instead of feeling like she has to wear something mom picked out. And if possible let her get one “higher-end” outfit. My mother did this for me so I would not feel totally left out. So I rocked my one “Guess” outfit (in the 80’s) and wore target stuff all the other days of the week.
Post # 12
@soon2bS: I’m sorry, a few more instances like this and maybe the ex-wife will consider it. I think your plan is a solid one– when I was in middle school I definitely got teased for my clothes. My mom and dad ended up getting me a pair of Silver jeans (which were the rage back then) for Christmas. Considering how practical she was, I think it killed her to spend $60 on a pair of jeans I’d grow out of. Long story short, I loved the jeans and it made me more confident without losing my sense of identity. Best of luck!
Post # 13
Middle schoolers are so mean. I can remember stressing about my younger siblings starting middle school because I knew how hard it was going to be for them. Kids are just assholes at that age. And it’s always over clothes and shoes, I swear.
I actually attended a middle school with a rather poor population, and sadly, when I look back, I can now see these were kids whose parents were things like waitresses and construction workers, who lived in total shit houses but drove new cars and wore really nice clothes. A lot of them were totally broke and had terrible priorities. Teach your kids now that sometimes keeping up with the Joneses isn’t really what is appears.
@eeniebeans: Agree with you. We were pretty poor at that point in my life, but my mom let me get a cheap pair of canvas Nike’s and like 2 Yaga shirts and I think that helped immensely.
Post # 14
Kids are such douche bags at that age. Unfortunately, some of them don’t ever grow out of it and they continue to bully through high school and beyond. I was lucky in that I was never really picked on growing up but I knew a lot of people who were. It’s very sad.
My old school district has experienced close to a dozen student deaths in the last few years. More than half of those are suicides caused by bullying. They say they have a “zero tolerance” policy but they don’t. My cousin was being picked on in class so the teacher sent him and the little shit who was bullying him down to the office. The principle couldn’t find time to deal with the issue so he sent them both on their merry way. Even after my aunt and uncle made a huge stink over it, nothing was done. It took more than a week for the bully to get any kind of punishment for his actions which ended up being just a couple detentions. Children were KILLING themselves right under his nose and he couldn’t be bothered. My cousins situation happened less than a month after the most recent suicide. You’d think the principle would do everything in his power to remedy the issue but nope. He took his precious time. He should have been fired, if you ask me.
Post # 15
As someone who teaches at an incredibly supportive, tolerant, and respectful but demanding school, I can say that there may be a better school for her out there. I attended a TERRIBLE elementary school with all the kids from the richest families in my city (parents owned car dealerships, jewelry stores, etc). I had NO friends until I went to a more mixed middle school and high school, and things dramatically changed. Now I see that those lonely years were the ones that taught me the most (literally – because I turned to reading and talking with teachers rather than playing with snotty classmates), but no kid should have to attend a school where she is so isolated.
If this school won’t do a thing for your child, fighting it won’t work – it’ll only take years before the school can enact any change. Find a more supportive school (mine’s a charter, but there are also really good public and private schools).
Post # 16
Many kides don’t have respect for anyone because they’re “taught” the opposite!
And they’re probably alone most of the time at home while their parents do their “thing” TV is a big peer pressure among kids, you have the Simpsons, little “innocent” Bart and Lisa… they diss their parents all the time and get away with it! What about – Family guy, South Park, Beavis and Butthead… They’re cartoons and they’re watched by children! So don’t expect kids to have manners today, unless they’re being “parented”!