Post # 1
My fiancé and I both come from large families (in the sibling since). He has a combination of 14 nieces and nephews ranging from 3-28 and I have a combination of 10 ranging from newborn -16. We decided long ago who was in the wedding party and I choose one of my nieces (10) to be a jr bm and my cousin who is 17 to be a bm (as part of the younger crowd). He choose his nephews 9 and 15 to walk with them.
We also decided that we did not want children at the reception, except for those who were in the wedding party or were over 16. But we would have all the kids (family) at the ceremony.
His mother is having a field day with this and is trying to make me feel bad and change this. She doesn’t think it is fair since my soon to be SIL has 5 kids (ages of 3-13) who are not in the wedding. My soon to be MIL wants me to have them come eat at the reception and then leave. So if I pay for these kids to eat I am spending almost $250!
Am I wrong in wanting the kids at the ceremony and not the reception?
Post # 3
Everyone invited to the ceremony must also be invited to the reception and vice versa. The same applies to children. If you don’t want someone at the reception, don’t invite them to the ceremony.
Post # 4
What are parents going to do with their kids at the reception if they bring them to the ceremony? You’re essentially asking them to run them home or to a sitter between the ceremony and reception which seems like an awful lot of work.
I’d recommend getting a sitter for the kids at the reception (have things planned in a different room for them) or excluding all children except for those in the wedding.
Post # 5
I think that’s a recipe for a lot of hurt feelings. The older ones might feel slighted that they watched their cousins have a big part in your day and they didn’t even get to stay the whole time? And I can imagine some of the parents might not feel very good about having b-list kids who weren’t good enough to make the cut. (I know that’s not how you feel but from the outside it can look that way)
Like Camrie said… It might be a good idea to get a sitter to entertain them, and feed the kids a cheaper meal or 1/2 orders if possible.
But honestly… if cost is the only issue with having all of them attend, I’d bite the bullet and not make any of your family members feel second class. If it’s not the issue and you don’t want to be overrun with little kids at the reception… come up with a better game plan.
Post # 6
My brother was asked to be part of my mother’s cousin’s wedding when we were little. He was 10, and I was 8. I was devasted because I was not even allowed to go to the wedding. I still remember how much that sucked almost 20 years later. If you can’t afford to have all the kids there, then don’t have any, in my opinion. Its really unfair to the kids who don’t understand about budgets, etc. And i agree with most everyone else, it puts all the parents in a tough position of what to do after the ceremony.
Post # 7
Im having children at the ceremony but not the reception. I am also hiring a babysitter and having a separate room set up for them at the reception site. that way they wont be far from their parents but they wont be at the reception either. they will have something kid friendly to eat like pizza…kids dont really like all that fancy food anyway. Good Luck 🙂
Post # 8
I don’t see a problem with your plan, I think the cut off age is appropriate. I am a big believer that if you are not having children at wedding functions then you should provide a sitter, but in your case you’d have to hire a day care! Is there any way you can pay the older kids to baby sit the younger kids the day of the wedding? You could plan it like a kid’s celebration. Have pizza and movies and games, I’m sure they’d enjoy that much more then a reception. I would think the parents would want a night off to have fun and the older kids would love to make some money. If your FMIL pushes the issue gently remind her that you want to keep this an adult reception and leave it at that.
Post # 9
Oh this just irks me. I know we all have to be creative when working with budgets and creating the wedding of our dreams however, it is rude to have children in the wedding party and allow those children to attend but not others. Either have children involved or none at all. The older kids can watch the little ones. Also, I bet some parents will actually hire a sitter of their own and come without them.
Post # 10
Yep, you may just work out some means of hiring a sitter to supervise the circus, in a room set up with dvds and pizza!
We’re having all the kids at our wedding, they’ll be running aroud the dancefloor all evening, and their parents are going splits on babysitters for the later hours. The kids are our family too.
I understand you wanting an adult reception, I just don’t see how it’s doable with so many kids in the family.
Post # 11
I’d imagine the 28 yr old would be pretty peeved to have to sit it out with the kids!
Post # 12
I was really against kids at our wedding but as time went on it just got harder and harder to say no to people who couldn’t get babysitters and all that. In the end the kids were the most fun part of the reception. That is just my experience though. And as far as the cost they all ate chicken fingers at $40 per kids plate. LOL! What can you do?
Post # 13
@flamingred: $40 for chicken fingers!?!?! I would have smuggled in my own PB&Js if my caterer told me that! Crazy! But I’m glad the kid situation worked out for you 🙂
Post # 14
Sorry, I am with your FMIL on this one. I do not think it is right to invite some children, but not others. I would take offense to that if I was a parent, and my child didn’t make the list…especially if I was the sibling of the bride or groom. I say either invite the extra children, or do not invite any. Is there not some way that you could get a kid’s menu for less than $50 a plate?