(Closed) kids or no kids….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

How do you feel about having children at your wedding?

They’re liable to be a little wiggley, and may not sit perfectly still during speechs, but they can also be a big source of entertainment…  The two of you should decide TOGETHER – and it shouldn’t be purely because you don’t want to offend family.

 

Typically there are a few ways to handle the invitations to an adult only event:

The most proper – Only address the invitations to the adults.  (Only people who are named on an invitation are invited.  If you do not list the children or include the phrase “and family” – which is slightly open to interpretation anyway! – then only the adults are invited.)  The downside to this method: sometimes people don’t “get it” – and Mr. & Mrs. Smith still RSVP for 5… assuming that their kids are included.

The alternate, which is less proper, but more clear – Include a phrase on your invitations similar to  [Wedding Ceremony at _____ ] “Adult Only Reception Immediately Following”

If your wedding vows are held in a public place (a church, park, or any goverment owned property) you can’t technically control the guest list in many areas.  But the reception is a private event – which is why it’s ok to have a child-free reception.

Post # 4
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Great advice from the PP. A number of people have adult-only weddings. We are, (although it’s mostly our friends that have young children, not family).

From another perspective, some of the parents in question might actually appreciate a night away. If you’re worried about inconveniencing your family, are there ways you could facilitate their attendance, like making a “highly recommended” sitter list based on references from sitters in the area or something like that?

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

No matter what you do, you will have pushback when it comes to kids. Some people will want to bring them (which I think is rude for asking to bring them. They wouldnt ask to bring them to a formal dinner party) some people will be annoyed they have kids running around under their feet. 

You and your fiance need to decide what you want.

In addition to what UmbrellaMoon: said, you could put on the RSVP card “# number of seats have been reserved for you.” and then you could below that have their options for which person wants what meal (if that is how you are doing it) or how many RSVP No and Yes.

Post # 6
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

We didnt’ have children at our wedding.

We addressed the invites only to who was invited, along with xx seat(s) have been reserved in your honor, AND had “We look forward to enjoying this Adult Only Affair with you”

We STILL had 1 that put their daughter on the RSVP AND one of DH’s sisters refused to come (even after we offered to provide childcare)

It’s just one of those things that you have to decide with your FH and then stick to it 😉

Post # 7
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I didn’t even try to ban kids-there are to many in our combined families and it would be pointless. I am going to have a “kid area” in the corner of the reception hall, and have some excellent babysitters ready to take over that area. We are going to have games, activities and lots of fun stuff for the little ones and I am hoping that will keep them all distracted and happy while the parents all have a good time.

Post # 8
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

We are having an adult reception. We also didnt follow proper etiquette and put right on our invites blah blah blah these people are getting married at this time at this place yadda yadda adult reception to follow. 

Post # 9
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

I think invitations should focus on who IS invited, and no mention to those that aren’t.  I think you just invite who you want to invite and then if anyone responds for ANY uninvited guest then you follow up with that person individually.

I strongly dislike blanket statements about Adults only because duh, they weren’t on the invitation.  While I know why people do it, I just don’t like the assumption that I would do the wrong thing. 

Post # 10
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@andielovesj: It really depends on the circle. Some people know what it means to address it to only the parents, others just assume and its even more uncomfortable for both the invitee and the hosts to have to correct a misconception after the fact.  It can save embarassment and stress.

Post # 11
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@lefeymw: I agree that not everyone knows that names on the invitations = who is invited.  But I would always rather extend the benefit of the doubt publicly.  Even if I know that certain guests will screw it up.

I guess I don’t find it to be that awkard of a conversation to have. It’s a really simple.  Hey Sue, I got your reply, Hubby and I are so glad you can make it, but I noticed that you RSVP’d for yourselves + your old next door neighbour.  I’m sorry, but we won’t be able to accomdate neighbour.  We hope you can still make it.  The cat’s on fire, gotta go. 

They are the one that has made it awkard, not you.

Post # 15
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@bleulilie: You can invite/not invite whomeever you choose.  You can decide that how ever you want.

That being said guests can choose to accept or decline your invitation as they see fit.

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