Kids or no kids?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How do I avoid hurting any feelings while wanting an adults only wedding?
    Invite children only from our families : (10 votes)
    36 %
    Invite no children but have babysitters available for the night : (15 votes)
    54 %
    Invite everyone : (3 votes)
    11 %
    Other, please explain : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    7284 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I personally think the only fair way to have an adults wedding is to invite no children whatsoever (except for nursing babies).

    I think the key to having an adult only wedding is to limit your expectations and your anger. Some people may be offended so you just need to say I am sorry we have upset you but unfortunately we have to insist that there are no children invited. Some people may decline your invitation to come because of it and then you have to not be angry with them because like you they have to make a choice about what is best for them.

    I would say that given that some of your guests with children are from out of town you might get a few declines, depending on th ages of the kids of course.

    Post # 4
    1613 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @missfenn:  I’m a Mommy of 2. I went to a wedding in April where I had to leave my then one month baby at home.


    I personally was not offended.


    However, you will have those “sanctimommies” who swear they can’t go ANYWHERE without their precious spawn…err children.


    I see nothing wrong with having an adult wedding. Let them have an evening to themselves.


    Frankly, weddings are not for children. They can’t comprehend what’s going on and they bore easily. Receptions extend past bed time and I keep my children on a schedule. 


    Send out the invite, and allow the parents to accept or decline.


    If they are that distant and hardly know you, they may not even want to come.


    Post # 5
    489 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    You avoid hurting feelings by expecting the adults you’re inviting to act like adults and recognize that someone hosting an event they were invited to doesn’t need to invite and/or make super special accomodations for their children aside from listing babysitters on your info sheet/website.  Hiring your own babysitter is doing more than you need to (although a very nice gesture), the parents should be appreciative! 

    Post # 6
    689 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

    We have a no kids policy as well, but several friends with young – some even yet to be born! – children, so we will be providing a nanny service. A lot of these people will be travelling, so it didn’t seem fair to not provide this for them.

    Our venue is a historic home, and there are quarters provided where we can let the kids have the run of the mill without infringing on the party or having them too far out of sight! 

    Post # 7
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I think that for the best results (and least DRAMA) it would be nice if you invited the OOTs with their kids, and let them know that the kids are more than welcome at the Ceremony… but that it will be an Adult Reception… with Kid Food (pizza ?) and Babysitters standing by… that is if you don’t see yourself dishing out BIG BUCKS to feed them all at your Reception Venue… if you have the money to do that… then ya, that is the way to go (even kinder / more considerate)

    In this way, yo’ll probably get a higher turn out of attendees… and you’ll have taken care of the fact that hosting a big party can be expensive.  Plus in all truthfulness the majority of the kids won’t care / notice, and they’ll be having their own good time (went to plenty of Family Weddings that were structured this way when I was a kid)

    On the otherhand… those that might get their noses out of joint are the Teens… “I am not a Baby, so WHY do I have to hang out with the Kids & not the Adults ?”

    In which case you might want to do a head count on those Guests… and see if you can’t find a happy medium… you could make your cut-off for example… 12 (more kids) or 14 (less kids)…

    I think in this scenario tho with sooo many Relatives being invited, you definitely want the 16+ year olds in attendance no matter what at the Reception.

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 8
    1527 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Many, many women with small children work.  Some even have to travel for work.  And they leave their kids behind.


    I am also concerned with seating at the reception, having children, espeically children of non-family members complicates it.  I would not put children at a seperate table, and would be cautious about whom to combine (e.g., the families with children and those without).  Remember, more smaller tables means more centerpices.


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