(Closed) (Kind of) a spin off on open relationship/marriage.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is jealousy the main reason you wouldn't have an open relationship?
    YEP. : (51 votes)
    36 %
    No, there's another reason. : (75 votes)
    52 %
    We are in an open relationship, and we're both happy! : (6 votes)
    4 %
    We are in an open relationship, but I'm not really that happy. : (0 votes)
    We are in an open relationship, but I feel my SO isn't that happy. : (1 votes)
    1 %
    We are in an open relationship, but I feel that NEITHER of us is happy. : (0 votes)
    Religious reason. : (10 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1026 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I am open to the idea , I have no issue with it on moral grounds, but I think jealousy would get in the way. I think for most people it is jealousy in some shape or form, or religious reasons. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    In theory, it sounds awesome, especially after having sex with the same person for many years.  Variety is the spice, right?  But I’m kind of a crazy jealous, insecure bitch. Really, I can find something to be jealous/insecure about if I compare myself to almost ANY other woman. It’s kind of like a magic trick :).  

    I like your FI’s reasoning better though, sounds much more mature and noble. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    My husband and I have discussed this in the past. We both are not into the idea for two reasons. 1. We are not the type of people to want more then one partner and 2. The Jealousy!

    I understand why other couples do it and I do not judge them. They are doing what works for them and that is great. It just isn’t for us.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5405 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would never ever be interested in an open relationship. I don’t think it’s necessarily a jealousy thing…it’s just not even remotely what I want. I want A partner, not multiple. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @StefLovesJamie: 

    I’m a “to each his/her own” kind of person but my beliefs mirror your FI’s 100%. In a relationship I give the other person every part of me. They have me mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I can’t give my FI my whole self if even a tiny part of me is being given to another. For me personally, I can’t consider myself to be in a real relationship if I can’t give all of myself to one person.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1595 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I  think my main fear would be how it might affect my relationship…so many unknowns when you throw this kind of element into something that already just seems to work pretty damn well!

    Post # 10
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I think the jealousy would get me the most, but honestly I’m just not confident enough to handle being with other people… I’m finally 100% comfortable with HIM, why would I want to start back at square 1?! haha I agree with your fiance’s reasoning… I hadn’t thought about it from that perspective, but I think it’s putting words to what a lot of people feel (but have trouble verbalizing). Sounds like he is very good at pinpointing his emotions and effectively communicating them!!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1855 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Yeah, I think it’s jealousy for me that would interfere. I don’t judge others who do it at all- I actually find it pretty interesting. I just think that my personal fears and anxiety would ruin it. The physical part is less of a deterrent than the emotional. I’d be scared that FI would fall in love with another woman or something.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1281 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    FI and I are both introverts.  The funny thing about that is that we are both loud and friendly, but when it comes to really getting to know us, we can count on 1 hand the people who actually KNOW us. (And that’s one hand between us)  We each have a good social circle, but we’ve got hard exteriors and hold people at arms length for the most part.

    Because of this, I think it would absolutely rock us to the core if one of us got emotionally or physically intimate with someone else because it involves so much effort due to our personalities to get to that point.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4110 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @StefLovesJamie:  What your SO said is very insightful.

     

    Jealosy for me, also health reasons I guess but mostly jealousy. I’d end up killing whoever he slept with. He would never agree to this either.

    Post # 14
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @StefLovesJamie:  What a beautiful answer your FI gave! He sounds lovely, and like he really has his priorities straight and loves you very much 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    9631 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My FI’s answer to this question:  “That’s not my idea of a romantic, passionate, loving relationship.  I want us to always be exclusive, I’m in love with you, and nobody else is wanted or needed to intrude.”  I feel the same way about him.  We’re very much in love with each other, so much so that we strive every day to have as much alone time, just the two of us, as possible.  We’re “that couple” who are joined at the hip, soulmates, can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other.  (We do constrain the PDA, though).

    We’ve gotten comments from strangers, even.  Once at an event in our town that was being filmed a videographer/photographer approached us and filmed us.  We were sitting together at a table, holding hands across the table and having a conversation, and just laughing.  We weren’t part of the event or even paying attention to it, but after a moment we noticed the videographer and looked up at him.  He said, “I’m so sorry to intrude but you two are so beautiful I just had to film you, I hope that’s ok.” 

    Another time at an outdoor blues festival we stopped at a beer vendor’s tent to get a beer, then about two hours later went back for another one.  We were holding hands and talking, as always.  A little while later milling around in the crowd the beer vendor approached us on a break and said, “I hope you don’t think it’s weird for me to say this, but you two are an awesome couple together, you’re just great.”  People notice our vibe as a couple, for some reason.  Those are only two examples of the comments we’ve received.  And we’re always surprised, but not surprised, when it happens.  It’s never happened to either of us before in a relationship, that’s for sure.

    My reason for stating all the above is that for me, now, an open relationship wouldn’t work.  We are too much in love.  I’m not at all saying people who are in an open relationship don’t love each other, I’m sure a lot of them do, very much.  In fact, I have at one time considered it but the man I was with at the time said, “Hell no.”  But my feelings for him were more friendship and lukewarm, although we were a couple.  I didn’t feel the passionate intensity of love for him that I now feel for my FI. 

    It might work for some people in some situations, I’ve seen it work fine.  However, for us, it will never happen – we’re too “us.” 

    Post # 16
    Hostess
    16217 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Based on my own personal and religious beliefs, an open relationship seems like the antithesis of marriage. I’m not saying that everyone should feel that way, but that’s how it is for me. We got married to be loyal and faithful to each other and each other alone.

    The topic ‘(Kind of) a spin off on open relationship/marriage.’ is closed to new replies.

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