Post # 1
Just a thought I had and I was wondering if any brides were in the same boat.
When people find out I’m 22 and engaged they congratulate me and (sometimes in the same breath) ask, “Why the rush?”
If we keep talking about it, the length of our engagement comes up, which totals to 28 months. Then I hear, “Wow that’s a long time. Why are you waiting so long?”
What the hell.
First of all, I’ve been with Fiance for 7 years. We’re rushing it after seven years? Or are you just saying that because I’m young?
And then, I keep getting questions about the length.
I just want to snap back with their exact tone, “Why the rush?”
Maybe I don’t want to have all of my planning in a few short months. Maybe I want to browse a whole bunch. Maybe my wedding isn’t my top priority right now. Maybe I’m saving up money.
Hell, maybe I want to book a caterer, sit on my ass for a couple months, pick a photographer, and laze about for another month before I do anything else. (The actual reason…)
What’s wrong with that? I’m avoiding so much stress this way. Why does this sometimes seem to BOTHER people?
Obviously some people are merely curious because such a long engagement isn’t the norm down here, but others seem to actually get annoyed. Why is that?
Post # 3
Because people are busy-bodies and care too much about other people’s business and lives…
That’s the only obvious answer I can come up with, lol. Sorry you’re going through that. There’s always going to be SOMEONE that’s going to give you some kind of grief during the wedding process. I had a random person tell me I had no business getting married to my Darling Husband because we hadn’t lived together (he was asking a lot of questions…).
Take it with a grain of salt. Those choices are yours and your FI’s alone. Enjoy your engagement!!
Post # 4
It’s prejudice plain and simple and I see it SO very often on this board. I’m not young, but I’m having a short engagement and I get the “why the rush” comment sometimes. I usually call people out. “Is there a reason you believe we are rushing?” People usually realize that they hadn’t thought out what they said and begin to backpedal “ohh, I just mean…well I’m just saying…that’s kinda quick right?” That’s more like it. It’s fairly quick, yes. But it is in no way rushed. I take offense because the word “rush” suggests so many negative things including lack of preparedness, ill-advised, without just cause, etc.
Post # 5
Everyone who rushes to get married is obviously pregnant. *rolls eyes* My friend got married after KNOWING her fiance for only a year. They got engaged at Christmas and married in March. Someone asked me if she was pregnant. I was like, seriously? Like you can’t just…get married!?
Post # 6
I would never say anything. But do I side-eye 18 year olds getting married? Yup.
Post # 7
I am in a similar boat, got engaged at 21 after being together 3 years. Having a very long engagement (we are over a year in already) that will be AT LEAST 3.5 years. We got engaged when we did because we were both ready and wanted that next level of commitment (he and I both believe that being engaged is a level of commitment and not just the period before getting married) and we can’t get married sooner due to schooling, which will take longer than originally planned (hence why it will probably be longer than 3.5 years of engagement before getting married) due to my health. I HATE the rude, snarky comments I see here often about long engagements. Luckily all I have come across IRL is support and people being happy for us.
Post # 8
@Overjoyed: “It’s prejudice plain and simple and I see it SO very often on this board.” +1000
Post # 10
We didn’t announce our engagement/wedding plans on FB for about 7 months, about 5 months before we were getting marrie. The first comment someone made on my page after seeing our wedding date was “You guys don’t waste any time, hmm?” I had a ton of people message me saying what a bitch this person was; it was really odd.
Post # 11
I take offense because the word “rush” suggests so many negative things including lack of preparedness, ill-advised, without just cause, etc.
THIS THIS THIS THIS!
Post # 12
I think it’s easy for people to write-off engagement lengths that are different from their own; I hear a lot of “that’s too long” or “that’s too short”, but never a “that’s a good timeline”. I will have a nearly 2-year engagement and people constantly ask why we’re waiting. My Fiance and I own a house already and you’re suggesting that we may not be able to stick it out for another 2 years before marriage? We’re kind of committed to each other for the next 20 years on this mortgage, so I think we’ll be ok. On the other hand, I’m getting snide comments for starting my DIY centerpieces right now because I have so much time to plan. The last thing I want is an unfinished DIY project right before the wedding and I’m glad that I have realized this early in the engagement.
Post # 13
@Overjoyed: Thanks, I think I’m going to be asking people this from now on.
We got engaged in September 2012 and originally planned a Sept 2013 wedding. People kept asking me “what’s the hurry?” and I would need to say, well we’d be engaged for a year by then. “Ooh, okay that’s fine then” What?
Even now, we’re thinking of moving the date to Febuary 2014 and people are still asking me what the rush is!
I would guess it’s asked in part because I seem so anxious about it? I try not to really let that show to other people, though… planning a wedding has been so stresful for me! Maybe I’m just self-concious about that haha.
But the other part may very well be that I am “young” (25?) and not many of my peers are gettiing married yet. :/
Post # 14
@kittyface: Hmmmm… I wish I could have done something like that.
So when someone said something about it, I would have said, “Well we’ve been planning since XX/XX, we just kept everything to ourselves to avoid people making rude comments :)”
Post # 15
@CherryWaves: +100000. People love to JUDGE. Plain and simple. Long engagement, short engagement, been together forever, been together for a year… Busy bodies will always find something to pick apart.
Post # 16
@Overjoyed: If anyone ever says anything like that to me, I’m totally using that question! It sounds so polite, and then it makes them look rude. Love it.
I’ve never encountered any of the ageism, “Why the rush?” stuff in real life. On the internet, sure, but never by anyone I actually know. And I am getting married young by pretty much anyone’s standards.