Post # 1
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
I just flat out tell mine. He know’s what I want and there is no confusion. Sometimes, most of the time, there will be something extra in there but I never wonder if I will get anything on holidays or my birthday (which are holidays in our house too, my kids think the whole month is their birthday).
ETA: I am not just asking about V-Day but all holidays and birthdays.
I know a lot of women, my mom being one (and maybe this is why I am the way I am) will not say a word, then cry about not getting anything when the time comes. Or, when my dad does actually buy her something, she usually complains about it.
EX: For years, on their anniversary, he would buy her like $80 worth of red roses and she would complain because he spent so much money on something that would dye in 3 days. While I agree that I would rather my FI plant $80 worth of rose bushes in the yard, or better yet give me a gift card to buy new clothes or have my nails done, I would never complain about it when he gave me something. Especially if half the time he did not.
Just wondering how many bees actually speak up like me, say nothing and then complain behind thier man / lady / etc back. Or actually do not care (which is pretty much the case with my parents after 35 years of marriage).
Just to add, I expect my FI to let me know what he wants too!
Post # 3
@MrsUPS: Oh my goodness, my parents are exactly the same way. I also speak up because I have learned that it isn’t a shortcoming if my SO cannot read my mind on gifts, and we’re both better off if I give him some ideas. He’s usually pretty good at surprising me within the categories of things I have mentioned I would like.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
@ClassicCorvette: Exactly! I don’t know why it is sucha big deal to let them know. Like you said, they are not mind readers.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2015 - Holly Hedge Estate
@MrsUPS: I used to be a chef so this holiday means nothing to me (since I used to spend all of it cooking for a shit load of other people celebrating it, it lost all meaning) . I actually love not celebrating it, but I don’t judge anyone who does! If i WERE to, I would give hints to different things and let him just go from there- or just tell something specific.
Post # 6
My husband will pester me until I tell him what I want. This V-Day we agreed not to give gifts and just get eachother cards. That is until I opened an email that he sent me with a pic of a ring he wanted LOL . So I told him I wanted Botox haha he came through and I made my appt For Tuesday:)
Post # 7
I usually don’t have any ideas for what I want so I just let him pick something out. Even if I knew exactly what I wanted I don’t think I would tell him because I like to have some element of surprise. He’s gotten pretty good at gift giving in the past couple of years.
ETA: your poll options don’t really work for me. I don’t usually speak up but he has never not gotten me a gift for a holiday.
Post # 8
I voted “other” because I don’t “expect” anything. I do, however, tell my FI what I like and don’t like. He has never given me a bad gift and has always been thoughtful. Yesterday was no exception.
Post # 9
I tell him. Generally all I want is just time. I don’t need stuff, but want to be together. He always tells me I don’t have to tell him, he knows, but this way I KNOW there wont be any disappointment or resentment.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Yup , we also just say exactly what we want ahead of time. My husband is so sweet and considerate, but spontaneously coming up with gift ideas is not his strong suit at all. Plus I’d rather just get what I want! (And sometimes we skip gifts when we’re going on a trip around the same time, etc to save money – also fine.)
Post # 11
We tell each other gifts that we would like for holidays/events. We’d rather get each other EXACTLY what the other person desires, rather than something neither of us really want. Now surprise gifts are a different story, and up to each other.
But I’m definitely up front about it. I see no point behind wishing and hinting, the other person NOT getting it, and then resentment building up. Too much wasted time and energy!!
Post # 12
I’m the type of person who builds things up, which I know I shouldn’t. So when holidays come around and I’m expecting something and I receive something else, I can’t help but be sad.
Now I just ask for specific things. It’s easier for SO and I don’t get let down.
Post # 13
@MrsUPS: I voted other. I don’t tell FI. By now, he knows me well enough to know what I’d like and I trust him to get me something I’ll love. He has yet to let me down and I’ve yet to not recieve anything for a giftgiving holiday. The only time I’ll say anything is when he asks my opinion. Like, he said he might get me a new snake for my birthday (this was before mine disappeared) and I told him that if he really wants to spend the money a new snake would cost, I’d rather he fund the rest of my thigh piece that I’ve been working on for a couple years now. The snake and tattoo will cost about the same, but the tattoo has been waiting longer and I don’t need a new snake yet.
Post # 14
@MrsUPS: DH prefers that I tell him what I want because it makes shopping for him so much easier. He’s also learned that depending on the occasion/holiday its not a specific gift that I’m looking for as much as I just want a token of his affection that says “I thought of you.” In general I want something tangible as a gift and not a trip because honestly we travel all of the time “Just because.” 2 months before xmas I told DH, “we have 3 big things coming up, xmas, baby’s birth & my birthday, here are some gift ideas, anything from baby registry, a pair of pearls to match my necklace, diamonds, diamond jackets” and a few other random things. Well for xmas he got me the pearls (swoon, they are so pretty) and then probably one of my most favorite gifts was the pumpkin spice latte via’s from starbucks because I LOVE them! He totally “got it” and picked up a little something that totally said, “I was in starbucks today and saw these and thought of you.” I don’t like surprises and if you are going to waste your money buying me something it might as well be something I want, right? Well thats at least how i feel about getting presents =)
Post # 15
I usually send him pictures of what I want. IE the pandora charm I wanted. I complained I couldn’t find it, and he sent back “hint hint nudge nudge??” I ended up getting it *he was not happy to go to pandora on Valentine’s day, haha. I don’t expect him to get everything I show him when I want it, but he’s pretty good about the important things. If I didn’t tell him, he would have no iea.
Post # 16
DH is perceptive and remembers things when I mention them off the cuff, but the trick is, I have to say something. He can’t read my mind. I still have problems straight up asking for what I want – too many years growing up poor makes me reluctant to ask for something – but I’m pretty good at dropping hints.