Kind of a V-Day spinoff: How do you handle letting your SO know what you want?

posted 3 years ago in Holidays
  • poll: What do you do?
    Speak up and expect what you asked for : (23 votes)
    77 %
    Say nothing and you are fine with not getting anything : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Say nothing and be upset about it for a while : (0 votes)
    Other, explain : (6 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    @MrsUPS:  Oh my goodness, my parents are exactly the same way. I also speak up because I have learned that it isn’t a shortcoming if my SO cannot read my mind on gifts, and we’re both better off if I give him some ideas. He’s usually pretty good at surprising me within the categories of things I have mentioned I would like.

    Post # 5
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Holly Hedge Estate

    @MrsUPS:  I used to be a chef so this holiday means nothing to me (since I used to spend all of it cooking for a shit load of other people celebrating it, it lost all meaning) . I actually love not celebrating it, but I don’t judge anyone who does! If i WERE to, I would give hints to different things and let him just go from there- or just tell something specific. 

    Post # 6
    3389 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My husband will pester me until I tell him what I want. This V-Day we agreed not to give gifts and just get eachother cards. That is until I opened an email that he sent me with a pic of a ring he wanted LOL . So I told him I wanted Botox haha he came through and I made my appt For Tuesday:) 

    Post # 7
    6446 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I usually don’t have any ideas for what I want so I just let him pick something out. Even if I knew exactly what I wanted I don’t think I would tell him because I like to have some element of surprise. He’s gotten pretty good at gift giving in the past couple of years.

    ETA: your poll options don’t really work for me. I don’t usually speak up but he has never not gotten me a gift for a holiday. 

    Post # 8
    1249 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I voted “other” because I don’t “expect” anything. I do, however, tell my FI what I like and don’t like. He has never given me a bad gift and has always been thoughtful. Yesterday was no exception. 

    Post # 9
    2113 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I tell him. Generally all I want is just time. I don’t need stuff, but want to be together. He always tells me I don’t have to tell him, he knows, but this way I KNOW there wont be any disappointment or resentment.

    Post # 10
    8847 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    Yup , we also just say exactly what we want ahead of time. My husband is so sweet and considerate, but spontaneously coming up with gift ideas is not his strong suit at all. Plus I’d rather just get what I want! (And sometimes we skip gifts when we’re going on a trip around the same time, etc to save money – also fine.)

    Post # 11
    1491 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We tell each other gifts that we would like for holidays/events.  We’d rather get each other EXACTLY what the other person desires, rather than something neither of us really want.  Now surprise gifts are a different story, and up to each other.  

    But I’m definitely up front about it.  I see no point behind wishing and hinting, the other person NOT getting it, and then resentment building up.  Too much wasted time and energy!!  

    Post # 12
    37 posts

    I’m the type of person who builds things up, which I know I shouldn’t. So when holidays come around and I’m expecting something and I receive something else, I can’t help but be sad. 

    Now I just ask for specific things. It’s easier for SO and I don’t get let down.

    Post # 13
    2111 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    @MrsUPS:  I voted other. I don’t tell FI. By now, he knows me well enough to know what I’d like and I trust him to get me something I’ll love. He has yet to let me down and I’ve yet to not recieve anything for a giftgiving holiday. The only time I’ll say anything is when he asks my opinion. Like, he said he might get me a new snake for my birthday (this was before mine disappeared) and I told him that if he really wants to spend the money a new snake would cost, I’d rather he fund the rest of my thigh piece that I’ve been working on for a couple years now. The snake and tattoo will cost about the same, but the tattoo has been waiting longer and I don’t need a new snake yet.

    Post # 14
    1147 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @MrsUPS:  DH prefers that I tell him what I want because it makes shopping for him so much easier. He’s also learned that depending on the occasion/holiday its not a specific gift that I’m looking for as much as I just want a token of his affection that says “I thought of you.” In general I want something tangible as a gift and not a trip because honestly we travel all of the time “Just because.” 2 months before xmas I told DH, “we have 3 big things coming up, xmas, baby’s birth & my birthday, here are some gift ideas, anything from baby registry, a pair of pearls to match my necklace, diamonds, diamond jackets” and a few other random things. Well for xmas he got me the pearls (swoon, they are so pretty) and then probably one of my most favorite gifts was the pumpkin spice latte via’s from starbucks because I LOVE them! He totally “got it” and picked up a little something that totally said, “I was in starbucks today and saw these and thought of you.” I don’t like surprises and if you are going to waste your money buying me something it might as well be something I want, right? Well thats at least how i feel about getting presents =)

    Post # 15
    636 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I usually send him pictures of what I want. IE the pandora charm I wanted. I complained I couldn’t find it, and he sent back “hint hint nudge nudge??” I ended up getting it *he was not happy to go to pandora on Valentine’s day, haha. I don’t expect him to get everything I show him when I want it, but he’s pretty good about the important things. If I didn’t tell him, he would have no iea.

    Post # 16
    490 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    DH is perceptive and remembers things when I mention them off the cuff, but the trick is, I have to say something.  He can’t read my mind.  I still have problems straight up asking for what I want – too many years growing up poor makes me reluctant to ask for something – but I’m pretty good at dropping hints.

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