Post # 1
My Fiance and I are dead-set on having a small intimate family wedding. Our venue only holds 120 people. My Future Mother-In-Law ticked off a list of people she “needs” me to invite. Among those are her maid of honor from her first marriage, and a best friend of hers that I haven’t seen in 6 years and only met once. Ok, well we are letting her invite 3 couples that are really close to Fiance and his family.My dad is paying for the wedding afterall, and he doesn’t want to invite any of his friends! My problem is that she is probably going to want to invite all these virtual strangers to my shower. Now she was mad that at one point in time she got invited to someone’s shower but not their wedding so it totally looked like a gift grab. I can’t help but feel like I am letting people down, who are very close friends to my Future Mother-In-Law, who probably want to come to my shower, and assume they are coming to my wedding, but totally aren’t invited! It doesn’t help that the last wedding in the family was FI’s stepsister, Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law helped pay for the wedding and it turned into a big party with all their friends.
Post # 3
I suggest just giving her a number of guests she can invite to both and then stick to that number. Let her know that funds are limited, even if they aren’t, and if she has issues with the number you give her, have your Fiance have a serious talk with her.
Post # 4
Nothing is more irritating than relatives who have a “need” to invite list. Too bad, they aren’t helping pay for it! I am also having a small wedding (70 people) and that only includes family and a few of our friends. That’s it. There are a lot of friends that I’ve had in the past that I probably would invite if we were having a big wedding along with some of my parents friends. Your Future Mother-In-Law is sounding a little ridiculous!
I don’t have a problem being invited to a shower and not a wedding since I know what its like to be friends with someone to not have the funds to pay for more people to come. So if someone else is in the same boat as I am then at least they thought of me as a good enough friend to invite to their shower.
Post # 5
I would be honest and upfront about it…that as much as you would like to invite everyone its impossible due to venue restrictions/finances. I would also insist that she stick to those that care invited to both. You’re not going to be able to please everyone.
Post # 6
Sorry @bostonsmom , I can definitely sympathize, but no, I’ll ever have to be in that situation. My mom refuses to discuss my wedding with me (I think she thinks if she doesn’t I’ll change my mind or it magically won’t happen??) and my Future Mother-In-Law is deceased.
Are you on good enough terms with your Future Mother-In-Law to discuss the issue? Or is it better for your Fiance to discuss it with her?
Post # 7
You can invite people to the shower without inviting them to the wedding as long as you’re upfront about it. If they know in advance and don’t care, it’s not a problem. Just be prepared for backlash if they think they should be invited to both.
I wound up having to explain the rule about not inviting all of your friends to the shower when they’re not invited to the wedding to my Future Mother-In-Law. She was planning a huge shower for all her friends who I’ve never met. Now, because she doesn’t want to not invite her friends and is making this party all about her, she’s throwing a big, yay they’re getting married party…for all her friends.
Post # 8
Another option: when my brother and sister-in-law were getting married, my mom had a bunch of friends that she knew would not be invited to the wedding (with their husbands, it would have been an extra 50 people), but she still wanted them to meet my sister-in-law and celebrate with her. Instead of a traditional shower, my mom’s friends hosted a ladies luncheon, with no gifts expected. That way, her friends were included in some of the wedding activities but it didn’t come off as a gift grab.