(Closed) kind of a weird situation…

posted 7 years ago in Names
Post # 3
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s definitely okay for you to change your name! It’s YOUR name, you should feel free doing whatever you want to it. It won’t scar your son for life, not at all. How old is he? He should understand (if or when he’s old enough) that having a different last name than the rest of the family isn’t a big deal and doesn’t make him less of a family member.

Post # 4
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

IMO, I would change your son’s last name too if he is young. I know some may disagree, but then you will all have the same last name. And realistically, your new husband is going to be his father. I don’t mean to disrespect your first husband.

If your son is old enough to understand – ask him what he wants.

Post # 5
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I was going to suggest hyphenate, but you said you aren’t a fan of that. I wouldn’t stress out over it too much. My mom re-married after she had me (my dad is still alive, but not in my life at all) and then had 2 kids with my step-dad. I’m the only one with a different last name, but I never felt like less of a family member because of it. If you want to change your name, go for it.

If your Fiance wants to take legal custody of your son when the time comes and your son wants to change his name, then maybe you could hyphenate his? This way he has his dad’s last name and the “new families” name also.

Post # 6
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Wow, that’s a loaded situation! 

Of course it’s ok to change your last name!  I’m assuming your late husband would want you to be happy to to marry again.  If he loved you he would want you to be happy!  You’re not betraying him in any way by changing your name.  

Lots of families have different last names for various reasons and people just need to get used to it.  I had someone really insist that schools would be confused because I kept my name and my future children will have DH’s name (whole other discussion there)!  I don’t see why I should go to the trouble of changing my name (which would be a huge hassle for something I don’t want to do) because other people might get confused!  they’ll just have to learn to deal with it. 

As long as your son knows why his last name is different from yours it shouldn’t be a problem.  It might be confusing when he’s little, but when he’s older he’ll appreciate being able to keep that tie to his first father.

No matter what you decide make sure you never assume that your son knows his last name.  A friend of mine had this horrible experience in middle school of finding out she had a different last name than her mom and step-dad.  Apparently no one had bothered to tell her that she had her mom’s first husband’s last name (not her biological father’s name…longer story there)!  Poor kid had spent her life assuming she had the same last name as her mom!

Post # 8
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I think having your son keep his father’s name is a great way to honor him and always remind him of the man he never got to know. Obviously your Fiance will be the father figure, but I’m sure your son’s grandparents will be very appreciative, and I don’t see it being a problem for your son. If when he’s older he wants to change or hyphenate it, then it can be up to him 🙂

Post # 10
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@cardus: No problem. My mom actually suggested it when I went into high school. I have my bio dad’s last name, but refer to my step-dad as my dad as he’s been in my life since I was 2 and my dad has been out of my life since I was 10-ish. I think it’s wonderful that you are having your son keep his bio-dad’s last name though.

The topic ‘kind of a weird situation…’ is closed to new replies.

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