Post # 1
I’m not an all around traditional bride, but some traditions I do like. Especially the fun ones. My bridal party is only 3 girls. One lives in the same city as I do, the two others do not – my MOH being one of them. I’m not having a bridal shower or anything like that, but a Bachelorette party would be FUN!
I’m military and my FI lives three hours away so most of my free time is spent traveling to see him. I haven’t gotten particularly close with a lot of the people at work, but friendly enough. There are also two girls that I AM close with, one of them is a bridesmaid, the other is a guest at the wedding. I didn’t invite any of the girls I work with just because the wedding is in August and at the time that I needed to invite them, we hadn’t known each other well at that point. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that there are plenty of people in town to round out a good bachelorette party.
I don’t expect my MOH who lives across the country to plan something for me, but it would have been nice if my BM here in town even THOUGHT about it. The whole reason why I’m having a bachelorette party is because some of the girls at work were like “Oh my god! You’re not having a BP? You HAVE to!” But I couldn’t then expect THEM to plan it for me so I was like “OK, let’s do it!” and now I’ve ended up in the position where I’m planning my own party. I’ve made a guest list, started a facebook page, etc etc. Some of the girls offered to help come up with ideas, but it still leaves me in charge.
I mentioned to my BM “so, some of the girls brought it up and I think it will be fun”… and then tried to sort of, for lack of a better word, push it on her. To see if she would take the idea and run with it. But, no. She was like “okay, well tell me what you want to do and invite the people you want and we’ll make it happen”… I know it sounds dumb, but I also WANT the embarassing “bride” tiara and sash and I want to be made a spectale and have fun and live it up. But I feel dumb TELLING her that (which is my own fault) but I also can’t buy that stuff for myself, that’s just sad!
Anyway, I’m hoping that between the girls that are coming, they will pull together to come up with some surprises to make this more like a bachelorette party and make it less like something that I have to be in charge of…
Okay, I needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening!
Post # 3
Sorry hun. I think you’re are expecting things from people that you shouldn’t be. I would get hopes too high becuase you may be really disappointed at your bachelorette party.
It sucks that your BMs aren’t planning one for you, but that shouldn’t be expected of them. I hope people come through for you too but I wouldn’t have high expectations going into it just in case.
Post # 4
I dont know if it makes you feel any better but I put mine together and none of my bridesmaids offered. It doesnt bother me. I was MOh last year and my friend, the bride, planned her own bachelorette also. We did her shower but that was it. It was just too much going on and she had her wedding the weekend of July 4th and wanted her bachelorette at the same time.
Post # 6
@SkyChick: You shouldn’t expect sonething like that from the Bm without actually being straight with her and asking. The shower falls to the MOB and the bachelorette falls to the MOH. When you realized your Moh wouldn’t be able to plan anything you easily could have asked the local Bm “hey with Alliason being so far away, would you be willing to take the reign s on my bachelorette?”.
Post # 7
@megz06: well said. You are expecting far too much. If you want to do one with the gals you work with, that’s great. But, they don’t know your BM, and I don’t see why she should plan a party for you and girls that aren’t even invited to your wedding.
Post # 8
My best friend planned her own. I offered to help but she’s a planner & wanted to do it. Planning a bachelorette party is not uncommon.
Post # 9
I suggest just being honest with your local BM about what you want. She just needs some guidelines to work with. Another option is to tell your MOH and get her to convey your wishes to the other ladies attending.
Post # 10
While I do think you shouldn’t expect or demand anything, I do think every bride deserves one!
If you told your bm what the plan is (ie location) and guest list and thNn maybe suggest she takes over. This might be enough of a hint for her to plan around what you have done.
Post # 11
Hey Ladies, thanks for the dose of reality that I needed. I guess part of me is just feeling a little bummed that all my close friends are spread out and I don’t have the opportunity to share this tradition with all of them. I also didn’t make the connection that it’s really the MOH and not the Bridesmaids as a collective that work on the Bachelorette party, so I was putting too many expectations on my one BM, as you all pointed out. I will keep planning for my own party with the input of my local friends and I think it will be a fun day, no matter what.
Post # 12
I JUST posted about having to plan my own bachelorette party, and setting up my own bridal shower. It sucks, and it’s difficult not to spiral down into bitterness. I’m sending hugs your way.
Post # 13
Well this is the MOH’s duty. Throwing a good bachlorette is a lot of work so I’d only be willing to do it if I were MOH. As a BM I could help but someone else would need to take the reins. I understand you are in a difficult situation with your MOH so far away but that is not your BMs problem.
Post # 14
@SkyChick: I was worried that I was going to be in the exact same postition as you are! One of my BM is getting married alittle while before I am and her bridal party is planning this big event. My MOH is on the other side of the country and I was scared that nothing was going to be planned for me 🙁 I know my other BM is busy with her own wedding plans and I don’t expect her to take time out of that but I was feeling like I was going to be left out. Now this may be the “Passive Agressive” way of dealing with things but I explained to my MOH (who lives away) about my fears and she sent a message out to my other local bridesmaids to try and get the ball rolling. I don’t know if your in the postiton to do that but at least now I don’t feel “forgotten” about 🙂
Post # 15
So the girls who you work with but who aren’t invited to the wedding want a bachelorette? I thought traditional only guests invited to the wedding could be invited to wedding related parties. So I don’t think your BM has done anything wrong at all.
If these girls want a bachelorette let them organise one for you. There are no rules around who can throw one for you. It normally just falls to the bridal party.
Post # 16
I realize it’s a little bizarre to to have a bachelorette party with people that aren’t invited to the wedding, but there are many various reasons why they weren’t invited to the wedding, and none of them are sore about that. I think they just want an excuse to party and celebrate. They understand my restrictions in not being able to invite them… and having the party was their idea in the first place.
Also, to clarify, the one BM is also a co-worker. I’ve just happened to know her a lot longer., we were stationed together previously.. so it’s not as though she doesn’t know any of the other ladies that instigated the party in the first place.
After reading a lot of these replies, I don’t expect my BM to take the reins. I also never expected anyone to put any money toward it or anything like that. But she has said that she will help me organize whatever I need, so that’s nice. More than anything, I think I was more bitter about not having all of my actual bridal party and close friends together to do this thing the right way. I took it out on my one BM, but everyone was right in that the responsibility doesn’t fall on her. So I’m feeling much better now and just looking forwward to a night of fun with some cool chicks I work with and hopefully I have a chance to get to know them better.