Post # 1
Hello fellow bees,
My wedding is about nine months out. I should be super excited about it, but I am just so bummed. My mom passed away about six years ago. My father just passed about a month ago. I was always Daddy’s Little Girl and Mom’s Best Friend. The wedding is going to be a small event, only about 50 people if everyone shows up. Only about 12 of those are from my side. My only family left is my sister. I have a half brother but I don’t know him very well and he lives across the country. I just feel super lonely and it upsets me that my parents won’t be there.
My FH is super supportive and understanding. I just feel like he is the only reason that I want to go through with having a whole wedding. Any thoughts?
Post # 2
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your losses. I can’t imagine how hard it is, especially with your wedding approaching. Are you close to your FI’s family at all? ::HUGS::
Post # 3
MrsYokiman: Thank you for the condolence. I am close to FMIL and FBIL. Yet, it hasn’t reached a “family” feeling just yet.
Post # 4
BabyDeer9: I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way! I lost my mom about 4.5 years ago and wedding planning is really hard without her. I have no siblings, and my dad is still living, but lives out of state, so I have been going through planning without any family present. I have been trying to include my fiance and his family, and use this as an opportunity to get closer to them. I know my FMIL was really surprised but also very flattered when I asked her to come dress shopping with me. And I don’t know how you feel about the presence of those who have passed away, but I have been using this time to allow myself to remember some good times with my mom and try to refelct on what she would think if she were involved. Maybe it sounds silly, but it has been comforting.
As for having a wedding without your family there, maybe it would help to focus on the new family you are creating as you and your fiance join your lives? I’m sure your parents would be very happy for you and would want you to enjoy this time. However, if you really don’t feel like having a wedding is the right choice for you at this time, I’m sure your family would understand if you do a romantic elopement with your fiance.
Post # 5
BabyDeer9: What a sad post – I am so sorry for your losses and wish there was something more I could offer. I can certainly understand why you would be feeling the way you are right now.
Even if the only reason you want to go through with the wedding event itself is because of your FH, I think that’s a good one! It is a beautiful occasion to offer your partner.
I can only imagine how you must feel a month out from losing your father, but do keep in mind that you could be feeling quite different 9 months from now. That’s not to say that it won’t be hard to have a wedding without your parents, but with some distance from your immediate grief, you may be grateful for the opportunity to celebrate such a significant positive event in your life.
By April next year, it may also be the perfect time to reinforce the relationships with the family you do have, and the family you will be gaining. What better way to strengthen these new connections then to officially celebrate them?
I absolutely appreciate the sadness that must accompany what is meant to be such a happy and joyous time for you right now, but I hope that in time you will be able to find away to also embrace the positive and exciting aspects of your wedding. Of course, it really all comes back to how you feel about everything – if planning/having this wedding is causing you more heartache than happiness, listen to that and have an honest talk with your partner about alternatives.
Wishing you the very best of luck!
Post # 6
MadameX: Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I have been embracing FH family and they have been very welcoming. I had asked FMIL to be my Matron of Honor, which she said yes to for a few months. Then she changed her mind and told me that she thought it was weird and didn’t want to be “in the ceremony”. I do want to have the wedding. Even if it is just to celebrate Fh and I, and not exactly the whole “joining of the family” thing.
Miss_Mae: Thank you for your response. I really do hope that time will heal these wounds. Perhaps you are right. I have had a lot of sad things happen, perhaps I should celebrate the good while I can. 🙂