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This wouldn't weird me out, but I have a pretty close relationship with my mom. Someone told me that traditionally this is what people did for pre-wedding parties. I recently went to a wedidng shower for a pretty traditional family and some of the female relatives got the bride (tasteful) lingerie.
If you are uncomfortable, just be honest and tell her so.
I luckily didn't have that problem. Maybe you could ask if she could buy something for you, instead of going shopping together. Just outright tell her that it makes you really uncomfortable to shop for lingerie together.
Just tell her to pick something out and have it as a gift before you go to your bachlorette party or at your bridal shower.
For some reason my mom thought it was necessary for my bridal shower, a really weird looking piece too, and she's really not that kind of lady. I donno, weddings make people weird, you just got to roll with it (though I wouldn't do the shopping trip, let them roll on their own)
Maybe you could compromise and just hit a regular department store for some sort of lacy nightgown or something and not go full out? Then she'd be happy and you'd be... less uncomfortable with the situation. It's sweet that she wants to help with all the "special" aspects of the day, and not just the wedding stuff. Don't worry, a couple months back there was a girl who's grandmother wanted to take her lingerie shopping! LOL!
I think it would be fun. But my mom and I may have a different type of relationship than you and yours. I went with my sister once and it was more of a giggle fest!
It wouldn't bother me and it used to be traditional for a mother/family to help the bride with her bridal trousseau! Besides, mom took me for my first bra, so why not this too? I highly doubt your mom is thinking about your "encounters", it's more likely she just wants to buy pretty things for you! And hey, that stuff can be expensive, so let her!
Seriously though, if it makes you that uncomfortable, then just be honest with her and either ask for a gift card or, if you are doing a tropical honeymoon, ask her if you can shop together for fun beachy stuff!
It isn't weird at all...just because she's your Mom doesn't mean she isn't a woman too! lol I bought each of my daughters several pieces of lingerie for their bridal showers, as well as some beautiful silk nighties. I think you're thinking it's going to be more than it really is. It's actually a tradition for the MOB to buy the wedding night 'clothing'. Enjoy it! It won't be horrible...I promise. :)
I believe some people think it is tradition that the bride's mother purchases the wedding night lingerie.
I WOULD be weirded out if she was doing anythong other than suggesting something like... lol IDK, a simple white robe and a plain white silk full-length nightgown beneath. That would be okay, but if she started pointing out the garter belts and thongs, I'd start to lose it!
OK, thanks for the reality check ladies. I guess maybe I just need to calm down about this and realize it's not such a big deal. I somehow had no idea this was a tradition! I've been to lingerie showers before with friends and had a great time. This is just not something I was prepared for.
I think one of my problems is that I grew up in a really strict and straight-laced household. Now I am not like that at all anymore (thank you, college, for loosening me up!) but I guess it's just jarring going from "Don't even think about letting a man touch you before marriage!" to "Let's buy you some sexy things!"
@sweetest...that's just it! If I thought it was just going to be simple things we'd be looking at I'd be fine, but all indications are that she wants to help me pick out some racy stuff.
I do think you all are right, though. I'll take some deep breaths and try better to appreciate her involvement.
this probably wouldn't bother me if i was in your shoes,....if said in a different way. hey, maybe she just wants you to hurry up and give her some grandkids LOL
lol Grody. I think you should go then make it embaressing for HER. Like..pick out some leather and whips and stuff.
My mom wouldn't want to do this, it'd freak Her out. I think it'd be funny though.
Haven't had this problem but could you just get some on your own then tell her sorry, you've already got some?!?!
Maybe she wants to use this opportunity to give you the "honeymoon talk" Too funny!
This happened to me once with my mom is it wasn't the most comfortable subject...but the absolutly worst when my fiance's mom asked me if we wanted to go to the local adult boutiqe and toy shop (where it just so happens that's where my cousin works) to shop for "wedding night accessories" with her because it would be a "mother in law-daughter in law bonding expirence" like OMG! It creeps me out just to think about it...
@sudslover: LOL! Sounds like it could be!
OP, I think you're justified in being a little weirded out. My mom and I are very close, but I still do not want to go to bed with my husband in racy lingerie that my MOTHER picked out... I don't even want to have had her see it! What a turn-off.
Hopefully your mom's idea of "sexy" IS something like a lacey nightgown, and you can leave it at that. Or at least, you can pretend that that's all you're interested in! haha! :)
I don't think I'd really care to lingerie shop with my mom, although I love her to bits. Her advice on wedding night lingerie ... just told me not to spend too much money on it, as I "wouldn't be wearing it long anyway". :-)
I think i would be VERY weirded out by that! I would just tell her i wasnt planning on wearing anything different then normal.
Getting the bridal nite "nightie" is sort of a tradition in our family. My mom, grandma etc obviously weren't shopping in VS as much as I've been. Mom bought me something, I wore it once and packed it away. I agree with whomever said "have her get something for you". :)
My mom did this for me out of tradition, and it was awkward, but it was important for her and she got me a really beautiful silk and lace nightie that I couldn't have afforded on my own! Shopping together was the most awkward part so maybe just let her pick something out and give it to you as a gift? Also, I agree with those who said to stick with lacy/silky bridal nighties rather than super racy lingerie. I bet your mom's idea of "something sexy" is much tamer than yours!
I've posted about this elsewhere, but my position on this is that I love lingerie, love shopping with my mother for it, and wouldn't feel awkward in the slightest. I've been on lingerie shopping trips with men, women, friends, and family, and find it fun and enjoyable. My mother has excellent taste, and I already own and wear a number of fun pieces that she bought me. I'm absolutely a Cosmo girl!
That being said, I can understand that this attitude is not shared by others. You should not have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and if sharing sex-related things with your mother falls under that category, simply tell her "no, thank you. I appreciate the thought."
I guess I'm just in one of those families where it's okay, but my mom and I picked out a wedding lingerie and actually I asked for her input. We don't usually talk about sex but we have before in a neutral way. I don't think it's weird at all. I suppose it's just how you were raised. My dad's side of the family is a bit WASP-y and never discusess sex (or anything emotional for that matter). My mom's family is not WASP-y much at all. They're louder and more frank talkers. It might be cultural as my mom is from the South and my dad's a Yankee. I'm not sure but I'd just go with it because it seems like it will make your mom happy and you just might end up having fun.
it weirded me out too a bit when my mom did the same thing... but we compromised... we're going on a cruise for our honeymoon, and i let her buy me a new swimsuit. lol
I wouldn't be weirded out...but that's not something I want to do with my mom. Can I go with my best friend's mom instead? Is that mean? Hmmm.
Maybe it all just depends on how you are with your mom - I'm definitely not weirded out with mine. My mom and I don't talk sex talk openly, a few things have been said between she and I in the past. She did show me a beautiful wedding nightgown a few days ago that she thought would be beautiful, and by me being so emotional lately I teared up because I was happy she wanted me to be beautiful on such a special night with my future husband.
However, if you feel out of order by doing such a thing with your mom, I'd say just tell her that you really don't feel comfortable discussing such a private time with her. Let her know that as your daughter it's not really a comfy thing to discuss "bedroom activities" with you and your future hubby (lol). If you're honest with her, I think maybe she'd understand.
Well, here's the update: I know it was really important to her, so we did end up going shopping, but like some of you suggested we kept it pretty tame. A few pretty, white, bridal looking things that I actually really like and probably wouldn't have looked at otherwise. Then I just went again later and got some racier stuff more like what I usually go for!
Not quite as bad as I had originally thought it might be, although I did have to put on the brakes once when she saw a black piece and started raving about "how gorgeous it would look with my hair, eyes, and skin tone, and how FI would go crazy when he saw me in it." OK, thanks Mom, let's not get too visual with this shall we? I just hope I don't end up with a monologue of my mother stuck in my head during our honeymoon: "That looks great with your skin...that looks great with your skin...that looks great with your skin..." Aack!
My mom is like this too; it makes me so uncomfortable!
My lingerie shower with some girls was last night, and she asked this morning what I got; I was vague and she got upset and was like, "I thought maybe you'd want to show me how it all looks on!"
ummmm....... no way in heck!?
We've never been close.
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Mainly I guess this is a vent, but if anyone has any tactful suggestions on how to deal with this I am all ears!
So I love my mom to pieces, but lately she's been harassing me to go shopping with her...to get "sexy lingerie for you and FH to enjoy together on your wedding night." Her words! Aack! Oh, that is just not something I want to do. I've tried saying things like "really, you don't have to do that" and "Mom, that's not necessary," but for some reason she is hellbent on doing this.
Am I nuts? Would this weird anyone else out? There are lots of wedding related things I am enjoying doing with my mother, but sifting through the goodies at Agent Provacateur whilst fantasizing about "encounters" with my future hubby is just not one of them. Yipes! Anyone else got this problem?