Post # 1
My husband and I will be TTC in May (YAY) which I’m SO stoked about! I’ve had crazy baby fever since we got married. I’ve been bursting to tell someone, and I decided my bestest friend in the whole wide world would be my person to confide in! Well I told her, and her reaction was less than excited…First she said, “But….I thought you were going to try to lose some weight first?” I said, Oh I am, and I’ve talked to my doctor and we both decided that since I’m turning 36 this year we’d best start now, while actively losing weight.
Then she was just acting all confused…asking me why all the sudden is the urge to have a baby there. I was like…it’s nothing I can explain. My life is right, I’ve got a wonderful man that I want to start a family with. And then she said….are you sure you don’t just want a baby to cover something else up? I was like, what do you mean….and she asked me if I was happy. I was astounded!! I just said, oh yes, I’m very happy! Everything is fine with my husband and I.
I got off the phone with her and I just keep thinking about it. I don’t think she cares much for my husband, who is very quiet and shy around my friends and often doesn’t want to hang out with us. But I don’t care, because I know how he is in private with me and he is my best friend. She is my age and not currently in a relationship…
I know it shouldn’t affect anything, but I can’t help but to feel sad about her reaction. I want to talk to her about it, but I really hate rocking the boat…I like peace and harmony.
I guess I’ll just keep my little secret between my husband and I now 🙁 (sorry if it’s a little long, and I also wasn’t sure where to post this…)
Post # 3
First of, congratulations and I really hope you get your BFP right away 😉 Now, about your friend, its sad that she reacted like that, but after you said that she is still single then it really doesnt surprise me. No all singles ladies would react like that, but I think because you are moving on with your life and she isnt, she prob just felt like raining in your parade. When I told my BFF that we were ready TTC the first thing she said to me was “yes, I cannot wait for you to as miserable as me with a kid hahaha and you prob are going to get fat like me and you wont be able to drop the weight”…that hurt me. Meanwhile, when I told my other friend who is single she said “yay!! I pray you have a baby soon and i can spoile your baby”…..i think people who arent happy with their lives try to put others down and the ones who are happy with their lives, are happy for others as well. Just brush it off. I feel bad for you friend. One day she will understand. Again, best wishes, lady 😉
Post # 4
Oh wow, that is rough! I’ve learned that people who either don’t have kids or have never actively TTC really don’t ‘get it’. They don’t know the excitement, the feeling that is ‘right’, the love you feel towards a person when you decide “I want to make a baby and parent with you”, or the anxiety, pressure and emotions that go into it.
Try to let it slide that she just isn’t at that place in her life right now and you momentarily won’t be able to share 100% of your life with her. If you do want to share the experience (which I recommend to spread it out so your Darling Husband gets a little break), maybe you have a friend or relative who is a mom or is TTC now who will understand. Also, please feel free to stick around on the TTC boards.
Congrats on deciding to TTC! Hope it is a quick and easy process for you.
Post # 5
@Songbird29: I’m sorry you had this reaction, I’m ttc soon and I’m in a similar situation. All my friends are single and no where ttc stages yet, so I feel like in real life I have to play down how close to trying to get pregnant which sucks because I almost feel like i’d like the support.
Whenever I try and broach the subject I get “why would you want to tie yourself down and miss out on all the wild nights we have?”- don’t get me wrong I love the social life I have now, it’s just time for me to move on to the next chapter.
From the sounds of it- as you say your friend is your age and single, I’d say your friends reaction is that of someone who is jealous. Nobodys at fault for her reaction or yours. Friends are usually quite good at being happy for you about something, but when it’s something they also want for themselves, then the happiness is over shadowed by jealousy.
It’ll change up over time, and certainly when your preggo, but until then, the bee is a great place to chat about ttc to your hearts content 🙂
Post # 6
Thanks everyone 🙂 I love her to pieces, and it just made me sad that she wasn’t excited. I come from a broken home (many times over) and it took me 30 years to find someone special enough to make me want to get married. I never thought I’d want children like I suddenly do. I think once all the pieces of the puzzle fit together and is almost complete it is natural for a lot of women to want children. I think my bestie and I are at very different stages of our lives which explains a lot of it. I was just hurt that she thought the only reason I wanted to have a baby was to (and maybe I’m reading too much into it as I tend to do sometimes) ‘fix’ our relationship….which is SO far from being broken! 🙁 I don’t feel as though I need to justify my relationship with my husband to anyone….but it would be nice to have support from my best friend that I’ve known from grade one!
Post # 7
eesh, i know some people who may have reacted the same way.. asking whats the rush. maybe she’s sad/jealous that you are at this point in your life and she is not?
Post # 8
Firstly, congratulations and best of luck to you in your TTC journey. In all honesty, it seems like your friend is very jealous. You mentioned she is your age and isn’t even in a relationship…. maybe she all of a sudden felt like “oh crap I better get going with my life” once you told her your plans. It’s a shame she’s acting this way but don’t let it affect your plans with hubby. Have fun BDing!
Post # 9
I think this was an extremely insensitive way to react to your news. You are her friend and she should be happy for you when you’re so obviously happy for yourself. And she probably should recognize that this is a big step in your life.
However, I see other posters going the “she must be jealous” route, and I’d tread very carefully with that. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people automatically equate disinterest or distaste with jealousy. I see it a lot on the ‘Bee. “She hates my ring, she must be jealous.” “She doesn’t get along with my fiance, she must be jealous.” I’d be careful with this sort of thinking, because it can be extremely insulting to insinuate this, especially if it’s not the case. (Not that I’m saying you’d call her up and call her jealous right to her face, of course! I’m just trying to give you something else to think about.) It’s just as possible that she truly doesn’t understand why you’d want a baby. Some people don’t want that for themselves, for various (valid) reasons.
That being said, I do think she was extremely insensitive and rude in the way she reacted to something that was so obviously important to you. Bottom line is, she’s your friend and should be supportive. I think the best thing to do is just to step back, give your relationship with her some space, and stop confiding your TTC journey with her. I think it would be worse to share that special time with someone who’s going to put you down for it than to keep it to yourself entirely.
Post # 10
@diplomatswife: ITA! Sorry you didnt get the reaction you were expecting. Go luck on your journey.
Post # 11
@ diplomatswife I think you hit the nail on the head. She’s not the jealous type at all….and I would be shocked if that was behind her lack of enthusiasm. Three of us have grown up together, and two of us got married within a week. I think maybe she’s having a difficult time seeing us settling down. She is AMAZING…smart, intelligent, successful and I know it’s only a matter of time before she finds someone worthy of her. I never thought about having children before I met my amazing husband, and then it all seemed to make sense. Maybe that part of the puzzle is missing for her still, and she doesn’t understand?
Post # 12
@Songbird29: I know what you mean about completely changing the ttc outlook once married. I was the same, and even my husband couldn’t understand the sudden change, the irrational need to want to have a child, and the sudden obsession with all things baby.
Maybe your friend just needs some time and space to adjust to the fact that you do want to settle down and have a family, and your priorities in life have changed. She may just be having a hard time relating.
Post # 13
@Songbird29: Yep, that could be. It’s also possible that she feels a bit left out, even if what you and your other friend have is not something she wants. Like, I have absolutely no desire to go to law school. But if my two best friends that I grew up with decided to go to law school and were all excited about it and were maybe even bonding a bit more because of it, I’d probably feel a teensy bit left out, even though I’d have no desire for what they had. Does that make sense?