- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I realize he has a lot going on right now but sometimes I can’t stand his complaining a lot about certain people or situations. We spent half the weekend apart with our respective friends and I felt fine before. When we came back home he basically complained a lot about his friend, even mentioning him when we were in bed, complaining about how he seems very racist and sexist and needy and this is why his friend can’t get a girlfriend. And I hate when he calls his mom in front of me because he gets moody and almost every time they end the convo he’s all exasperated and saying something like, “ugh, she just goes on and on about herself and I really don’t care,” or “she’s guilting me again, big surprise,” “wow, what a bitch,” and I understand that she gets him riled up as she makes a lot of us feel this way, but I just don’t understand why it has to be that way.
I feel like he used to be really good at ignoring these things that bother him, especially with his mom.
Yesterday his mom told him that if he ever got in an accident and died (he had a bad boating experience when he was with his friend this past weekend), she would kill herself, and that he’s selfish and not as smart as he thinks. I told him that he seems to gloat in annoying his mom and he said he’d try to not bring up stuff that would get her talking like that.I hate hearing things like this because he tried to kill himself before I met him and his mom hasn’t shown any empathy or caring regarding that incident. I want to take her off my facebook, I want her to stop calling my phone when H ignores her on his. I want her to not post creepy things on my wall, like saying that she wishes I had a twin for her other son to marry. She is so freaking inappropriate. And I’ve been hoping that she will eventually notice that my mom friended H on Facebook because my mom told me she will never accept MIL’s friend request. I want her to feel bad, but I don’t want these feelings to make me a bad person. When we usd to live with/and around her it was really bad for our relationship and I got really b*tchy sometimes. I felt like it was okay because MIL always gets away with it and H and I worked so hard to have a non-dysfunctional relationship. Sometimes I want to shake him and tell him that he doesn’t have to call his mom if she makes him feel so bad about himself, that he can decide whether or not she gets to walk all over him.
He told me recently that he doesn’t even think he loves his mom. He firmly believes that he was stolen (he was illegally adopted) and robbed of his heritage but he doesn’t have a relationship with his bio parents either. He can’t take anti-depressants because of the way his brain is, he’s had scans done and everything and his doctor wouldn’t prescribe him anything.
I know it’s kind of terrible, but I don’t care about his mom. She’s flying out to visit us and wants me to take days off of work and pick her up from an airport that I’ve never driven to. She refuses to take public transport back to our home even if H is willing to take her, but why do I have to be the one to pick her up?She’s always threatening to kill herself (very flippantly I might add) and calling H selfish and I get so tired of keeping up with how he feels about his family. Some days they are “behaving” and being “polite” and he is hopeful but most days they are a nightmare. He has complained to his mom before that she is like this, one month she absolutely loves someone in the family, next month they are a traitor and you aren’t supposed to talk to them either if you’re truly loyal to her. It’s so stupid and I hate it. The sick thing is my family is aware of how his family can be but they make me feel bad if I talk about the idea of not visiting or having contact with them, especially MIL. They think that while I should keep a distance from BIL, I should see him out of respect for MIL. I don’t want to wait around for one of them to display deplorable behavior around me and H, which has been done before.
Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I never had to deal with MIL and BIL again (he has the same personality as MIL and they enable each other so badly). I’ve been asking H to go back to therapy and he said he will try to find someone this week but he always puts things off. I do too though. I want the two of them to have happy, fulfilling lives, but I’m close to being completely out of patience for both of them.
There are other things about H that I’ve been worrying about. The other week I was making dinner and he stayed outside for over an hour talking to our lady neighbor. I texted him and he never noticed that I did and I just don’t understand how he can forget about me like that. I almost fell asleep waiting for him. He said he won’t do that again, but I just wonder what’s going on with him. He lost his wedding ring and has made no effort to get a new one. I keep offering that we go to a nearby store and it never happens. He lost his phone charger so we’ve been sharing mine (this has been happening with every phone he has). I just feel like he’s all over the place lately. And our sex drives haven’t been matched lately to the point where I’ve probably been kind of a jerk about it lately.
I know that he has so much to deal with. Sometimes I think it’s a miracle that he’s still here with everything he had to deal with his whole life. Most of the time our relationship is great and healthy. But when issues come….you know the saying, “when it rains, it pours.”
TL;DR: I know it’s bad but my MIL is such a gaslighter and I sometimes hope for the day where H will tell me that we never have to talk or see them again. Also worried about H and a little frustrated with our relationship at the moment.