Kind of snapped at H yesterday

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@tmsing:  It’s hard to deal with toxic people, especially such an influential figure as a mother, Mr. 99 comes from a terrible family and for a couple of years, it was really taking a toll on our relationship because you’re married to this guy, you love him and yet, these people treat him so terribly and he allows it…but who gets to clean up that emotional mess?  YOU…so that’s awesome…someone else shits in your pool and you run to get the skimmer….again.

It wasn’t until he went into counselling, starting dealing with all the problems he had with both of his parents, and everything that happened when he was a child and all the things they were still doing that he got an outside and education opinion….these people are toxic, they do nothing but manipulate and hurt people, they will never take responsibility for the things they’ve done to you….so why continue to see them and allow them to hurt you anymore?

And that was that, he cut all ties with them and their messed up kids and the ONLY relative of Mr. 99’s that we see is his sister, her husband and their daughter….it is so much nicer.

Push for counselling, together and individually, he’ll find that the real problem isn’t him, but the people around him and find a way to protect you both from that…

Good Luck!

Post # 6
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@tmsing:  …well, you don’t go into therapy with the goal of shutting his family out, you go with the goal of finding a healthy way to operate…..and however that is for him and you and his family, its a process that evolves from both of you….and you don’t get it right the first time, and its hard to always be honest and non-biased, especially about family, because you can love a person very much and still know they’re hurting you, and maybe your husband needs to figure that he’s got to pick a priority, because its impossible to be everything to everyone, so its time his mother took a second seat to you, his wife…but that’s hard to learn too….

Either way, it will all work out if you both are on the same page and are willing to work and support each other through it.

When we cut everyone off, they literally drug us through the metaphorical mud….nothing was sacred and viscious e-mails and texts were sent, gifts I bought for the children were left on our front porch like so much garbage, my MIL showed up on our doorstep unannounced, and every nice thing we’d ever done for these people was forgotten….it was awful, but at the same time, completely entertaining….like a toddler throwing a tantrum, they all kicked and screamed…but when we didn’t give in and essentially walled ourselves off, they ran out of steam for it….because if you don’t fuel the fire…it dies.

Every once in a while, you’ll get a little test nibble…one of them will call the house or send a card…usually his Mom, but Mr. 99 is resolute in the comittment for a healthy life, and since she’ll never admit her faults, in the past or the present, there’s nothing for them to share.

 

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