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I totally went through this!! I think they are just quiet about it because they really have it all planned in their heads. My FI basically told me dont get my hopes up it wasnt happening any time soon and before I knew it he asked. So maybe he is just trying to fool you. If you dont bother him or dont bring it up at all... it may come quicker (it did for me at least) I left it alone for a good 6 months and it worked :) he always told me he wants it to be special and not something he is doing b/c I always bring it up. He wanted me to be shocked. I actually really was.
Girl, I have so been there. We were together for 5 1/2 years before we got engaged. I was going crazy for the last 2 years before he proposed. I had always skirted around the issue and hinted to see what he would say. I finally realized that he needed me to say to him, "Mr. Leesh, I am ready to get married. So whenever you are ready to ask me I will say yes." Then I left it at that and within a month he had bought me a ring. You could try something like that. Men do seem to have a "timeline" in their heads so sometimes just being flat out honest will make them realize that timelines aren't necessary. But if not just be patient and hang in there. When it finally does happen it will be amazing! Good luck!
yikes I hope it happens soon- 3000 miles is a long way for someone who won't committ.
"Not the answer I was expecting. He was unemployed for a while (six months) so I knew it wouldn't be soon, but he has had a (well-paying) job since September, I was hoping that he'd been saving some money (specifically for a ring), but idk if he has. I moved 3000 miles to move in with him, I've been looking into conversion, I want some commitment on his end! It just seems like he has this arbitrary number in his head, that a couple should be together 3-4 years before getting engaged."
Ok. First of all, your conversation did not delve deeply enough. The bolded things are issues you should have already discussed in great detail before things got to this point. You want to marry someone but don't know the status of their finances? You are willing to completely abandon your religious beliefs for someone but you don't know their timeline or really their founding beliefs in when marriage should happen? You're off in wedding wish land but you don't know what to expect from him?
I think you need to have another serious, detailed conversation. I would actually recommend the book 1,001 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married. For real. Because you guys have a LOT of things that need to be discussed before you move forward. Communication is the absolute foundation of a marriage. You guys could use a lot of work in that department.
Alright, ladies, thanks for the kind words.
@crayfish: You sound a little judgey. Actually, a lot. I'm not going to get mad at your comments because I was just venting and you obviously don't know anything about our relationship (though you seem to have assumed quite a bit). We talk about marriage and our future frequently and extensively, obviously the move was a big decision so we had to talk about it before hand. I know the status of his finances, he is saving money, I just don't think he is specifically setting aside money for an engagement. I am not abandoning any religious beliefs as I don't have any. Conversion is something we're looking into and considering together, he is in no way pressuring me into it. We are a mature, stable, and happy couple and we have amazing communication.
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I'm not one to make sad "waiting" posts but I'm feeling a little bummed right now and you ladies are so good at making people feel better. The boyfriend has always avoided timeline type questions before but for some reason I decided to press the issue tonight. I just got another text message from a friend saying she's engaged. His answer was "I dunno, like a year? By that time we'll have been dating for 3 1/2 years and that would be an appropriate time before getting engaged." Not the answer I was expecting. He was unemployed for a while (six months) so I knew it wouldn't be soon, but he has had a (well-paying) job since September, I was hoping that he'd been saving some money (specifically for a ring), but idk if he has. I moved 3000 miles to move in with him, I've been looking into conversion, I want some commitment on his end! It just seems like he has this arbitrary number in his head, that a couple should be together 3-4 years before getting engaged. Boo.. I had to ask, didn't I??