Post # 1
We all say that if something were to happen to us that we would eventually like SO/FI/DH/DW to find someone else. But how long would you want him/her to wait?
This issue came up because of a situation where about a year ago a friend of mine was killed. It was all very sudden and tragic. The girl he had been dating for several years at the time has already gotten married. I’m not going to judge her because the guy she married is a friend of her late boyfriend’s and I suspect that they bonded over his death. However, I would be upset to know that it took FI less than a year to move on and get married. Especially if we had been together 2+ years and weren’t even engaged.
Post # 3
To be honest, and Ill never tell Fi this, but if he found someone who made him happy, even if it was a day, a week after my death i would look down and be okay with it. I wouldnt want him to mourn forever, i would want him to be happy.
Post # 4
@graygodess20: Agreed. Although I am sure he would be heartbroken, and would be very upset for a while, I would want him to be happy.
Post # 5
I’ll be dead so I won’t care. So..He should be polite and wait 6 months or something. But whatever will help him move on. He was single for 5 years though before me, waiting until I was single so I think it would take a really long time. Which bums me out.
Post # 6
Thinking about this now I am jealous of my FI finding another woman! There’s no way he could love her as much as me… In all seriousness though I’d be dead so it wouldn’t affect me, but I don’t like thinking about it.
Post # 7
I don’t care. I’ll be dead. I want him to move on whenever he’s ready and find happiness wherever it is.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
@Pinkmoon: Same here 🙁 But I’ll be dead so I’d say at least 1+ years is appropriate for mourning.
Post # 9
I’ll be dead but have no qualms haunting him if he doesn’t choose wisely.
Post # 10
I would just want him to do what he is comfortable with. I would hope he would do it in a healthy way and mourn and heal first, and then move on. My only fear would be that he would immediately jump into something (this is very common, especially for men). It’s coforting to have someone there and that is why a lot of people jump into something shortly after the death of a spouse (not always but it is common).
Post # 11
Um if we had children it had better not be the next day. I would think at least 5+ years.
Post # 12
The little angel that’s sat on my shoulder is saying that I hope that he finds someone as soon as possible after my death to love, and for him to move on and live the happy life we always dreamt of.
The little devil on the other shoulder would say he better not find anyone, NEVER! He must stay in mourning for me until the day he dies of a broken heart, or I will haunt him forever. He must spend at least 3 hours a day crying and stroking either pictures of me or my gravestone.
The logical part of me would hope that he’d take at least a year until he’s ready to be in a relationship again, mostly because I’m expecting, and I would not want for our child to have two such big changes in his life so soon after each other.
Post # 13
I picked “I don’t know” but thinking about DH finding someone else before a year kind of hurts my feelings. Ultimately, I guess I’d want him to move on whenever is best for him but personally, I don’t like the thought of being replaceable very soon.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t want him to bring a date to my funeral, but I would want him to move on when he’s ready.
Post # 15
I voted for a year, but if it happened a little earlier that would be ok. It would depend on whether we had children. I’d want him to do whatever’s best for them; choose wisely and not rush into anything out of lonliness.
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Life is for the living, I’d want him to move on as quickly as possible. Mourning the dead is not for the person who is gone, it’s about healing from the loss, why would I want that process to take any longer than it has to?