Post # 1
I know that a lot of Bees do not agree with vow renewals. We are all entitled to our opinions, but I thought that it might help to explain why some women feel that they need to renew their vows. Some of the posts in the vow renewal section are very harsh and cold.
Some of us could not have the wedding we wanted due to time and financial constraints. We either needed to marry quickly for practical reasons or we did not want to wait many years until we could afford a wedding. Not every woman is blessed financially. When my husband proposed to me, he lost his job a week after asking me to be his wife. The recession was so hard on me that I returned to college to retrain for a new career. We would have had to be engaged for more than four years if we waited until we could afford a wedding.
Other women that have vow renewals have been through difficult challenges with their husbands and they want to celebrate the strength of their marriages. Some of us have beat cancer or serious injuries from accidents. Why shouldn’t we commemorate an anniversary with an event if we have been through things that would have ended most marriages?
There are also women who have suffered when there have been wedding disasters. My photographer and officiant almost left because my few guests were 40 minutes late. I was supposed to have two girlfriends with me to help with getting ready, but they were in the car with the person who was driving. My friend was gossiping about me with her boyfriend because I was very angry and he insulted me, so we stopped being friends. My parents did not speak to me for a year because we eloped. Some women want to have an enjoyable event to make up for their terrible wedding day.
I suppose it is hard to understand the plight of women who have vow renewals, if you were lucky enough to have the wedding of your dreams. If a Bee posts about having a vow renewal, it would be much more compassionate to realize that she is trying to celebrate the fact that she has stayed married through thick and thin.
I know that there are etiquette rules around what is “allowed” in a vow renewal. However, just as Bees who had their weddings want to feel special, women who are renewing their vows would also like to feel the same way. I don’t agree with bachelorette parties or bridesmaids for a renewal but I can see how someone may want that if they married in a courthouse or something ruined their wedding. I can see how a woman would want to wear a wedding gown if she wants new wedding pictures or if their family did not see her in a bridal gown when she married.
I never had my prom because it was ruined by a spiteful vice principal who didn’t want me there. I would have had a wedding (Not an elopement) if we hadn’t been so financially strapped. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to have a special event work out for me for once. I also have so much sympathy for women who want vow renewals for other reasons.
Post # 3
Oh girl, you can’t take what people say on this thing personally. Live your life. I haven’t even gotten married yet and I told my FI we were doing it all over again in 10 years. I am having a ball planning this wedding.
Enjoy yourself. Plan whatever you want knowing that it’s for you (and hubby), about you (and hubby) and those who don’t want to celebrate with you are better left at home anyway.
Good luck and ENJOY!!
Post # 4
It isn’t just me taking it personally. It is also the sad reactions to the nasty posts.
Thanks for the nice message though mama.
Post # 5
There are so many things people talk about on this forum that I’d never even heard before, or things people consider rude that I had never batted an eye at before seeing it on here. Ultimately you have to enjoy your own life and stop worrying about whether other people agree with something like a vow renewal or not. A true friend would listen, be understanding and sympathetic to why you want one. Strangers on the internet have nothing to lose by being brutally honest, cold, mean, or whatever, since they’re not invested in a friendship with you.
I completely understand why some couples want vow renewals. If it works for you, then do it!
Post # 6
@TakeTwo: I don’t have a problem with vow renewals themselves. I just have a problem when people call it a “Real Wedding” or a “Second Wedding” because you can’t get married to the same person twice; unless you get a divorce between.
I hope you have a wonderful vow renewal!
Post # 7
@TakeTwo: And call it whatever you like.
But if you are sensitive to what strangers will say about your ideas I would warn against posting them publicly. That being said…I’m willing to bet you aren’t inviting anybody from this forum to your event so to heck with us all. It’s nice when folks can build each other up but just as in life there are people on the internet who enjoy tearing down.
Maybe find a couple of folks on here who are a bit warmer to your idea and private message them if you are looking for support.
Post # 8
I think vow renewals are great! Or blessings or whatever it is that you want to call them. Especially for people in the military, or who got married abroad, or just plan didn’t get a chance to live it up for the real wedding. You can totally wear a gown and throw a party and whatever. I’m cool with that.
I think my biggest pet peeves though are the girls who say they’re getting married, even though technically they’ve been married for a year or whatever. No, honey, you’re not really getting married, you’re just redoing your vows. It doesn’t make it less special, but please call it by the right name. I wouldn’t say anything out loud, but really, inside, I’m thinking they need a dictionary.
Post # 9
I did not post this thread because Bees were not supportive of MY ideas.
Vow renewals are not weddings. I don’t understand people who refer to them as such. Maybe they feel like this is the wedding they never had?
I posted it because I see a lot of nasty responses to other threads about vow renewals. I imagine they must be rather hurtful to read.
To be honest, the vast majority of Bees who have posted in MY threads have been nothing but caring and positive.
I also get a lot of support from people in real life about my vow renewal.
Post # 10
@TakeTwo: You do what you want to honey! I’m planning a vow renewal next summer…a big dorky one at a Renaissance Festival here in Colorado…I’m going with a “This is US!” theme…which means Mr. 99 will be in a kilt, I’ll be dressed as a belly dancer and since I never got a bacheloretter party and he never got a bachelor party…we’re doing co-ed one at the house with belly dancers and henna tattoos….
You have to follow your bliss and forget the rest!