Post # 1
My best friend from high school married this guy she met while studying abroad in college. I went to Mexico to visit her (and meet him for the first time), and he was such an asshole. Like, really, extremely rude to me..mean to my her, shitty to his parents. Yet she still stayed. She had multiple breakdowns while I was there about wanting to leave him..not to mention admitting that she knew he wasn’t a good person and not the right guy for her. For some reason, despite him being the filth of humankind..she did not leave him, had a lot unprotected sex..and duh, got pregnant. She never admitted to me that she did it on purpose (she knew I didn’t approve of him, so of course she would never tell me that), but she did admit it to a mutual friend of ours. She literally thought that having a kid would make her husband a better person, and fix her marriage. I feel so sorry for her, because I know she’s in such a bad situation, and now has a kid on top of that. Our relationship has never been the same since she got married, in fact, we didn’t talk for about a year after I got back from the trip to meet the guy. Now I feel like we’re just aquaintences. It’s really sad to lose your best friend, and to know there’s nothing you can do about it. Most of all, I feel sorry for the baby who will never know what it’s like to have a father who respects her mother, or parents who truly even love eachother.
Any thoughts? Advice? Similar stories?
Post # 4
I’m sorry to hear about your friend. I went through a similar situation with a friend of mine several years ago. She was in a bad marriage with a man she knew didn’t love her or be a good man to her, but she was so afraid of admitting that her parents had been wrong about him, she got pregnant in hopes that a baby would strengthen her relationship. It didn’t and I haven’t really spoken to her since April of last year. I miss my friend and I hate that she’s in the situation that she’s in… trying to make a marriage out of nothing and raising her children in that kind of setting (she’s had 2 more since they got married..)
I think my friend doesn’t really speak to me because she doesn’t want anyone to know that she’s made a mistake. She was never one to admit failure and I think she believes she’ll slip up and someone will think that her seemingly perfect marriage isn’t perfect at all.
Post # 5
I do know someone who got pregnant to try to “fix” their relationship. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but my friend left her boyfriend, moved in with family, and is now raising the sweetest kid with her awesome new fiance. The baby was a blessing in disguise because he made her rethink her decisions, and she’s much better off because of it.
Post # 6
I’ve never had a kid myself, but I’ve been around famil family members and friends that have.
It’s hard; but the pregnancy (hormone overload) and raising kids is hard stuff. It’s hard work for people that have a great relationship.
If someone has a relationship on the rocks, having a baby is the last thing they should be doing, especially if they are doing it with the anticipation it will somehow magically “fix” things. In reality, it will just make a bad situation worse.
Post # 7
I don’t know anybody who did this. However I do know someone who pretended they were pregnant. I never knew the girl personally. I was very close friends with her boyfriend. We used to work together. He would share stories about their relationship and vice-versa.
One day he started off with how things are simply not working out. She’s a b*tch and what not. She had a child with someone out of wedlock and she was not raising the kid properly either. (I.e. not giving enough attention, being rude/mean most of the time.) He felt his relationship to be very negative and have no real future. He didn’t actively break up yet, however I feel that she sensed that he might so she told him she was pregnant with his child. This elaborate story continue for a good couple of months!!!
I kept telling him to get her blood tested and SEE the results for yourself. Or go to the clinic with her. Since she LOVES you so much, she wouldn’t deny you to hear the ‘good’ news straight from the nurse/doctor of your upcoming baby. He finally found the courage to do that and voila, she ‘fessed up. And another voila…. immediate break up.
Though if she really WAS pregnant with his child, he would have stayed with her. His own father left his mother when she got pregnant and he says he would never do it to someone. So he would have stayed but the relationship wouldn’t have been a real relationship. Maybe she only wanted to be supported by him and have an ATM for a hubby, but he wanted more than that. If one person is not happy, it is still not a relationship.
Post # 8
I am always in shock when I hear stories like this. I don’t believe anyone in the history of the world has ever said “wow, having that baby made our lives so much easier and gave us so much time to focus on ourselves and our relationship”. It just seems so counterintuitive to me!
Post # 9
I am sure that someone I went to high school with did this. She is a lovely girl but has been with this loser since high school. She had plans of going off to university and all this other stuff, and he kept whining that he didn’t want to leave our small town. EVEN TO MOVE A COUPLE OF HOURS AWAY! So after her first term she dropped out of university, got a job at the same place as him in town and they got married. Then two seconds later she got pregnant. I am sure she wanted the child as he still acts like a giant man-baby, playing in his “band” and staying up all night playing videogames while she does EVERYTHING for the baby.
Seriously, I think she just had it to distract her from her bad marriage to this guy. But she is the type of person who never wants to admit she was wrong. So there you go.
Post # 10
Not really to fix the relationship but my cousin stopped birth control and didn’t tell her fiance. She wanted to get married before me but he wanted to wait. She thought if she could get pregnant than he would have to push the date up. Her sister (my other cousin) told me. We were both horrified. Luckily she didn’t get pregnant and sadly for her I am still getting married before her.
Post # 11
One of my good friends just gave birth a couple weeks ago actually. She met this guy online, fell in “love” and decided to move in with him all the way across the country. She would call me and say they were fighting constantly (they are both VERY immature individuals) and that she was depressed all of the time. Anyway, every month she would text me “OH my GOD, I think I’m PREGNANT!” And I would think to myself Oh no… Then one month, and no one was surprised, she really was pregnant. She told me “Everything will be better now, because we are meant to be a family.” Mind you, they’ve only been around eachother for a few months, but “dated” for a year online. Throughout the entire pregnancy, they both were at heads, almost leaving the other, being completely out of line all of the time. She didn’t even get prenatal care until the seventh month or tell his mother about it (although she lived in the same town as them, and my friend would just stay in the house to hide it). Anyway, they have a baby now, and unfortunately, after the first few days of bliss, are back to fighting and bickering.
Post # 12
Yikes. I actually fear the opposite… that having kids will HURT our relationship not help it. All that money and stress? I feel like we need to be in a really good place before we did that. I don’t see how having kids could help an already bad relationship.
Post # 13
I knew a girl who once almost did it. She thought about stopping her birth control pill so she could have a kid with her boyfriend. I talked her out of it (which is even scarier, since she apparently didn’t even want a kid that badly), and then she decided she was going to lie and say she was pregnant and then try to fake a miscarriage. She was kind of off her rocker, but at least no actual kids came from the situation :/.
OP: I’m so sorry your friend is going through so much! Hopefully having a child will help her decide to leave him :(.
Post # 14
I do know a couple who got pregnant to fix their marriage. My ex’s parents were seperated but trying to work things out so his mother “accidentaly” got pregnant to get her husband back. It brought them back together but never solved the problems in their marriage.
Also, I do know way too many people who have gotten pregnant to trap a guy. I just can’t imagine that could possibly be a good way to start a marriage.
Post # 15
I don’t know anyone that did this. But I have a good friend who was seriously thinking about ending things with her BF. She found out she was pregnang during this time. Now they’re married. She says she’s happy, but I just can’t believe it.
Post # 16
I said yes because that is what I feel they did. My ex step sister in law remarried a few years ago. She already has 3 kids from her first marriage to my step brother. In the last few years, she spent almost half the year at my dad and step moms house because they were having trouble. There were alegations of her cheating on him. The last time she even got a rental house for quiet a few months after living with dad and step mom for several months. Right after she moved back in with him, they tried for a baby and even had to do IVF for this to work so it wasn’t an ooppsie…they spent quiet a bit of money and they were already having money problems. 11 months later after they got back together for the umpteenth time, they had a girl.
Sorry but babies aren’t born with jobs.