Post # 1
I’m embarrassed to say I feel like I’m sabotaging my own proposal before it comes, and I need a reality check. Hopefully some of you lovely bees can give me a dope slap!
Boyfriend and I have known each other (and had on again romantic interest in each other) for ten years (my freshman year of college). Several significant others (a failed engagement for me) and a few geographic moves later, we’ve ended up together and have been dating for about 3.5 years. We have a pretty awesome story when I write it all down.
If I can even call it a problem, is that everything is out of order and it’s making me crazy. When we started talking about getting married we knew we wanted to do it next year. I have a non-negotiable wedding venue (my parents have converted the farm i grew up on in to a wedding venue) so it was necessary to secure the date we knew we wanted without actually being engaged.
I figured, well, at least the ring/proposal timeline will be a surprise! Oh, except I didn’t want a diamond (my bleeding heart prefers moissanite) so he booked a trip with the ring money which he proceeded to tell me about. In April. The trip is in August and he said I’ll be his fiance by that trip. THAT’S ONLY 25 DAYS AWAY.
I write all this out and I kinda want to smack myself. I have a wonderful man and a wonderful trip coming and a wonderful place I’ll get married next year. But I’m not officially engaged and at this point it’s become such a ring-watch timeline that I’m making myself crazy. (Plus I kinda feel presumptuous to have a date even though it was mutually decided.) I don’t know how to just relax and enjoy and know it’s coming. I feel like it’s a bandaid to be ripped. I’m turning even the mundane walk to get coffee into a proposal opportunity.
And I can’t help but harbor a disappointment that there remains very little opportunity to be surprised. Am I being completely unreasonable? Yes? I know.
How about you bees? Did you do it all in order – engagement with a ring / plan a date / plan a wedding? Does the order even matter anymore?
Post # 3
My fiancé and I had previously discussed marriage. I knew it was coming, I didn’t have a solid when. But when he left the room oddly one night, I knew that it was to come back and propose.
I still bawled like a baby.
Even though you know when, etc.. It does nothing to prepare you for that actual feeling of “ohmygod this is REAL, we are REALLY getting married, he REALLY wants to spend his life with me!”
Post # 4
@misscakeandtea: Thank you so. That’s what I need to hear. I just want it to be as perfect as I picture and don’t want knowing about it coming to dimish how exciting it is!
Post # 5
@thenaturalginger: girl he probably wanta to propose on your vacation!! Relax, it’ll haopen:)
Post # 6
My ring was delivered today. He let me try it on and I know where it is tucked away. We are getting married April 4th 2015 on our 8 year anniversary. We ware going on a cruise to Hawaii for our honeymoon. We are taking a trip to Atlanta at the end of September where he will most likely propose. We have the wedding party, colors, theme, favors all decided on. My point is… Although I know 99.9% of what is going on, I don’t know how he will propose. I don’t know what he will say. I don’t know exactly where he will propose at. Although you know a lot, there is still so much you don’t know. You’re not crazy for thinking you ruined it but you really didn’t. Relax and enjoy this time. You will be engaged before you know it.
Post # 7
@thenaturalginger: OMG LOL. The way you feel.. that is exactly why every girl cries hysterically.. (well not every).. but you know what I mean.. this is why most girls hysterically cry when the men finally propose..
It is a combination of relief, and the pressure off of you, plus happiness LOL
At least you have a wedding date!!!!!! and a vacation planned!!!!! Just have fun!
Post # 8
I feel similarly about the wait. We’ve always talked about marriage- after three months of dating he told me he had started looking at rings, but I knew then it wasn’t serious looking…just getting an idea of cost, etc. I’ve always wanted to be very…uninvolved and completely blindsided that it’s coming, but lately he’s mentioned some things that make it seem pretty clear it’s coming soon. I find myself now always wondering when it’s going to happen, because I’m always sort of expecting it. I’m trying to just be laid back but now knowing I won’t be caught offguard by the proposal has me always thinking about what I’ll say and if I’ll cry.
I just keep trying to remind myself that there are few really amazing surprises in life when you’re an adult; however, this is one of them. Even though I know it’s likely coming soon, it doesn’t change the fact that the exact when is a surprise and what he says is a complete surprise, too. Those surprises will make this suspense and stress worth it.
Post # 9
@thenaturalginger: i knew my proposal was one of two weekends in february 2013. leading up to it, i was nervous. even though i knew i would say yes and know i am happy, it is a big life altering step. i second guessed myself a few times after. but each time i looked at my FI and asked myself if this is what i really want. the answer is always YES!
i had 7 venues picked out to visit so when the ring came i would be ready(we talked about getting married in october/november)
so nothing was a surprise except the execution of the proposal which was amazing.
take a deep breath. relax. go for a run. do yoga. have a smoothie.
everything will be fine.
Post # 10
I love that this conversation resurrected with such timing. I got my perfect SURPRISE proposal on Saturday. Absolutely, 100% did not see it coming at the moment he did it. And there was so much more to it than I expect.
It feels a mix of wonderful, butterflies, and a bit relieving. Now I can finally join the planning boards!
Thanks for all of the wonderful words offered here. I was a ball of stress but in the end everything was worth being patient (not that I actually was).
Post # 11
@thenaturalginger: Congratulations! Best wishes to you and your fiance!