Korean-American IL drama (after wedding update)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Wow. That is insane. I hope your in laws don’t cause any more trouble and I’m glad you mostly enjoyed your wedding. 

I am terrified of this happening to my family. The in laws haven’t met my parents yet and there is a huuuuge cultural and religious barrier. I feel like I would follow suit and not let them meet until the wedding. Kudos to you for being so strong. 

Post # 3
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Redholix:  Thank you so much for sharing your story.  It’s helped my FI and I so much.  It’s good to hear how well things are going for you since your wedding, but it’s disappointing that these types of family members don’t let up until after the wedding.  

We aren’t getting mean emails, but between my FI’s siblings, relatives, and family friends, we are getting bombarded by communications over 5 times a week (probably 5 days/wk or more) about the drama w/his parents.  All of these ppl keep pressuring us to do whatever his parents want (mostly apologize for doing nothing wrong, turn over control of our lives and the wedding, & let them mistreat us whenever they feel like it) all so his parents will come to the wedding.  That types of relationship isn’t one we want.  His parents aren’t even trying and never have and they won’t stop their erratic and unjustified behaviors and lying.  

The latest lie is that we never gave them my parents’ contact info.  First of all, I am fully grown and have been for well over a decade and, in my culture, there’s no requirement for parents conspiring against the kids to change the wedding (that’s why he said he wanted their phone #s).  Separate from that, we DID give them my parents’ contact info months and months ago.  Even told them that my parents would fly out here to meet them and wanted to meet them.  my FI’s parents never responded to any of that & never contact my parents.  Now?  No. now, there is no way we would let my FI’s parents expand the circle of their nonsense to my family.  Absolutely not.  This reminds me to tell my parents to disregard me saying that they’d probably get a call from my FI’s parents months ago.  Instead, now they should not pick up or return any phone calls from this area code under any circumstances.  Not letting even one more person get pulled into this nonsensical drama.  And even if we hadn’t given them my parents’ phone numbers (which we did), um then why would that be a reason for all this drama- a normal dad would just have said, hey son, we asked for her parents’ contact info, but you didn’t send it yet, can  you?  My FI would’ve said sure, and resent it.  No problem.  Instead, his dad, mid-last year, set a ludicrous demand that my FI send him my parents’ #s by fax (um why by fax?).  My FI then texted or emailed his dad the #s, then his dad got angry, said, “no, I told you that shkragoldfish had to send them, not you.  I won’t act as though I’ve received them until shkragoldfish has sent them to me herself.”  Um, but, sir, isn’t it also your belief that women in the family should only talk to other women, so it wouldn’t have been proper for me to send you the dang numbers anyway.  Also, keep your ludicrous demands and lies straight.  So then my FI ends up having to explain this all to numerous family members.  All the while thinking – why in the world would this matter anyway?  it’s made up & it’s not even a good lie because even if it were true, it wouldn’t be anything for his parents to curse our marriage over and refuse to attend the wedding because of.  I wish my FI could cut off all contact w/relatives, family friends about this nonsense.  Entertaining it or discussing it at all is like being pulled into insanity.

Also, I’ve known for a while that my FI’s parents being at the wedding (if they even ever decided to come) would not be a good idea.  Your FI distanced himself and you all (during the wedding) never heard the bad things they were saying about you or him at your wedding, but my FI would hear & would blow up at them.  

I just want it to stop.  I don’t want 4 more months of a crescendo of ppl trying to argue with us about this nonsense.

Sorry for the vent.  Hope I didn’t threadjack.  It just keeps getting worse.  I long for those months when they first gave us the silent treatment and refused to talk to us or try to sic anybody else on us.  It was bliss.  I want that back.

some questions/thoughts for you redholix: (1) how do your in laws normally dress?  Do you think they dressed like that as a sign of disrespect to the wedding or something?  in terms of being overly casual or your MIL wearing black?  (2) she glared at you during the entire ceremony?  that’s something I’ve imagined my FI’s parents doing.  were they in the front row?  did your FI notice it?  how did that impact you two?

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